“I do not TRUST you.”
“You are trouble maker! All of us are doing fine until you showed up and you make a lot of problem!”
“You are SO SNEAKY, and I can see you!”
“You need to move your desk by wall because you are always getting other students into problem!”
All of those are silent and deadly cruelty words being said toward me by one teacher for the Deaf as I just recently entered into seventh grade at Dallastown Middle School in 1985. She have no idea what was coming to me, my parents just got divorced in 1984 and I missed my father so much as he is more than 3,000 miles away from me in West Coast. Even I was not trouble maker, I was wandering and being very confused in attempt to making an adjust in fit to new lifestyle in central of Pennsylvania. The environment and lifestyle are VERY MUCH different from Southern California. I was trying to find connection in students at school. The teacher are being so cruelty and not being so empahtic toward my situation.
Watching The Thirteen Reasons Why TV series was one of most painful lessons. God brought me back to the road of memories and wanted me to jog the memories which I buried for LONG time. I was bullied and been falsely accused for doing something I never did. The feeling of hatred returned to me, God was showing me it is time to prune my hidden hatred for this teacher who did things to me. Even to make matter worse, there are one student who are very popular at Dallastown Middle School had call all students to follow him in homemade gesture as he was saying to me:
“KU KLUX KLAN”
“KU KLUX KLAN”
“KU KLUX KLAN”
“KU KLUX KLAN”
“KU KLUX KLAN”
“KU KLUX KLAN”
I stood motionless and being so defenseless
I went home, I never shared things to my mom and my step-father, I kept all those to myself. Even one student tried to get white Deaf students to follow him in saying: “Ku Klux Klan” but fortunately Deaf students will not follow him.
What did those did good to me? It WRECKED my self-esteem and all I wanted to call my father and tell him what they did to me!
Bully is DEADLY weapon to self-esteem is it cool? NO! What do you think? Think HARDER before you say it!
Little YOU DID realize that your action of bullying toward others will affects their souls for years to come which will brings the sense of hatred, anger, and bitterness.
I had been fighting with demons inside me due to alcoholism for 11 years because my self esteem was ultimately DESTROYED due to years of being bullied based on my character and even my disabilities. Someone would make fun of my odd walking! Little they did realized I was diagnosed with mild cerebral palsy!
To make matter much worst, I wanted to kill myself because I was seeing myself as worthless and useless because I was defined by those people who sees unworthy in me!
Bully is EVERYWHERE and is very UNCOOL & UNCALLED FOR!
Finding my life in Jesus have taught me about forgiveness and letting it go of all years of living in anger, hatred and bitterness. I used to think and plot a vengeance against those who hurts me badly but God reminds me about importance of forgiveness will bring peace and joy in my soul. Plotting vengeance will bring NOTHING good out of you, but it will make much worse than you think as it will do much harmful toward others, trust me!
I am thankful Jesus breathed new life in me!
It is why forgiveness is central of your spiritual growth in eyes of God as Jesus shared parable about unforgiving debtor:
Jesus replied, “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.
“The kingdom of God is like a king who decided to square accounts with his servants. As he got under way, one servant was brought before him who had run up a debt of a hundred thousand dollars. He couldn’t pay up, so the king ordered the man, along with his wife, children, and goods, to be auctioned off at the slave market.
“The poor wretch threw himself at the king’s feet and begged, ‘Give me a chance and I’ll pay it all back.’ Touched by his plea, the king let him off, erasing the debt.
“The servant was no sooner out of the room when he came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him ten dollars. He seized him by the throat and demanded, ‘Pay up. Now!’
“The poor wretch threw himself down and begged, ‘Give me a chance and I’ll pay it all back.’ But he wouldn’t do it. He had him arrested and put in jail until the debt was paid. When the other servants saw this going on, they were outraged and brought a detailed report to the king.
“The king summoned the man and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave your entire debt when you begged me for mercy. Shouldn’t you be compelled to be merciful to your fellow servant who asked for mercy?’ The king was furious and put the screws to the man until he paid back his entire debt. And that’s exactly what my Father in heaven is going to do to each one of you who doesn’t forgive unconditionally anyone who asks for mercy.”
Matthew 18:22-35 (MSG)
So did it ring you?
Sound annoying about unforgiving debtor? How about you? Are you refusing to forgive others because what they did to you?
Refusal of forgiving others will bring cancer in your spiritual growth.
Encourage let it go!
Inner healing do not happens quickly it takes time. Spiritual growth is a journey as we will prune whatever is hindering our healthy spiritual growth!
Let it go is BEST thing will happen to your life, it will bring peace in your soul!
Broken Chain Journey 