People Are Your Mirror….

I am fine!

Stop telling me!

You think you know me? You don’t know me!

You are concerned about me…oh I’m doing good!

Seems familiar to you as alcoholic addict?

It was taken from page of Marvel Comics’ Main Storyline Civil War II, which was published in 2016.

When was your last drink?

Captain America knew Iron Man very well

They fought together for many years on many occasions, especially when serving their time for the Avengers. Even they have their own personal conflicts and disagreements on their own. However, it did not stop them being a friend.

Captain America was gracious enough to confront Iron Man about his personal disagreement. He saw something oddly in Iron Man. It’s why he asked him when he had his last drink?

Often of us like to deny the reality of what is happening to us!  Little we did realize that deadly addiction is doing much damage to our mental function, physical and our spiritual growth.

Did you see Captain America as he said: Control issue, trust issue, paranoia, & manic behavior.  He suspects something is differing from being a normal Iron Man.   He is not concerned about his role as Iron Man, he is concerned about his friendship with Tony Stark.

Have someone voice their own concern about you are being a different person than you are?

Are you hiding your own pain, you don’t want someone to pry in your pain, which are too much for someone to bear it?  Feeling hopeless about your own pain?  Where do you turn to for help? You must be married to deadly addictive behavior so it can ease off your pain.

Altered reality kicks on as the pain disappears! Once the under the influence of drinking disappears, then the pains resurface!

Be aware Lord can use ANYONE to get his messages to you EVEN those whom are outsiders too.

I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.  I will advise you and watch over you. ~ Psalm 32:8 (NLT)

All of us carry with the attitude of “I am the only person in the world with too many problems and I’m beyond the repair!”

Sorry to say that there are MANY people felt this way as you felt.

Really, you cannot fool those people with your baloney talk even no matter how many drinks you had!  They can see your appearance are changing even the way you are talking and thinking.

I used to tell them, how I am good I am and I knew how to control with drinking issues, but little I did realize that my well-being is seriously deteriorating!

No matter how you felt that your situation are beyond the repair, there is ALWAYS a hope for you!  Jesus gave very encouraging and comforting words as he said:

“Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.” ~ Matthew 19:26 (NLT)

You need to admit it yourself, none of us can fix you.  No matter how much people tried to fix you, you will be always on the point of being miserable!  You know why? You will not admit it until you finally admit that you are powerless over the overwhelming problems and realized you cannot handle alone.  The only way you can do is seek God with your remorseful heart, then change will take place!

Who makes the decision?

YOU!

NOT US!

Trust me, I was there and once you make decisions in the eyes of God, then you will see changeable in your life.

Uncanny X-Men Echoes Deaf World!

Oppression is no excuse for vengeance — for murder. I wonder… does the death of innocent people — cut down on the streets as they flee — free you? I think not. ~ Professor X from page of X-Men.

Professor X has a strong vision of seeing mutants and humanity living together in peace.

Magento saw humanity as great oppression upon mutants, so therefore humanity needs serious treatment.

Believe it or not, Professor X and Magento were once close friends until their view of human-mutant relations became incompatible which was the beginning of rivalry between them.

Professor X found X-Mansion,  Xavier Institute for Higher Learning (it used to be Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters.   It was the true intention to nourish the new mutants who are feeling being “outcast” in the world.  It is where the X-Men began!

Magneto went on his own path and found the Brotherhood of Mutants, originally known as the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.

Both of them share the same passion: their great love for mutants and ensure they are in their safe environment setting.

For years, I learn to appreciate the X-Men universe. Somehow I was reading one of the major storylines told by Marvel Comics called “House of M” and in issue number five of House of M, where Wolverine became victim of an altered timeline as it was caused by Scarlet Witch, daughter of Magneto. It’ where mutants are governing the world. So, I wanted you to take look at this one below:

Did you see what Wolverine said? Let’s focus on that statement he made:

I lived in a world where mutants were minorities, and the X-Men worked to build a peaceful coexistence between the growing mutant population and regular people… who never seem to run out of reasons to be terrified of us.

Did it ring you as being a Deaf person (Note to hearing people it applies to you too, because you might have something else than being Deaf person)?

Often of us experienced being oppressed in two different ways, true intention and non-intention. Being oppressed in non-intention is due to being ignorance and lack of being educated about an individual who is living as a Deaf person. For true intention, they knew it and cannot trust a Deaf person to do anything except able to hear!
How do you feel when you are being oppressed?

Fumed up?
Wanted to seek legal action against them?
They are REALLY IGNORANCE!
They cannot understand that I cannot read lips!
List going on, I can relate to you, smile!

Should I take up the personality of Magento? He has a depth of sense of hatred for humanity for mistreating mutants.

Magneto echoes “Deaf” militants! He doesn’t want to do anything with humanity! So are you seeing majority as a threat to your community because of their oppression?!

Should I say it’s better to take up the personality of Professor X since he believe in peacemaking between mutants and humanity!  Professor X will do anything to educate those who are truly ignorant about the importance of understanding that mutant are normal as human.  Also Professor X wanted to encourage those mutants to use their power wisely in helping those people.   

So do you want to be in Professor X or Magento’s camp?

It’s your choice!

Remember your attitude matters!

I prefer to be in Professor X’s camp! Before you say anything about who I am! I’m so proud of who I am! I’m thankful God created me to be Deaf person and see Deaf culture and its language: American Sign Language as part of my identity. I used to have bitterness against those who oppressed and discriminated upon me in the past. More I learned as I get older that I realized people who don’t understand Deaf are simply lacking the education about Deaf communities. 

Let your identity be in Christ and Christ is the King of Peace.  

Carrying the attitude of militant will cause to develop the division within Deaf communities where there is no peace within.

You are forgetting about one thing if you are occupied with militant attitude, they are WATCHING you!

Of course, all of us have different goals, visions and perspective. Remember, you cannot paint someone to be someone else. God sees an individual with its own unique personality! God doesn’t see Deaf as Broken person, God sees it as normal and beautiful in His own eyes. So therefore God wanted all of hearing people to understand and learn about the uniqueness of Deaf communities. Same as for us as Deaf people learn about uniqueness what differing from us!  

So therefore God created us and we are His beautiful children whom believe in Him through Jesus our Lord. 

Don’t let oppression and discrimination destroy who you have instead educated those who need to see us as not broken people! 

Apostle Paul wrote letter to communities of Galatia:

“There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus. And now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children of Abraham. You are his heirs, and God’s promise to Abraham belongs to you.” -Galatians 3:28-29 (NLT) 

We are all one in Christ.  None of us are outcast in eyes of God.  

NOT ME! NOT ME!

On one of beautiful late morning of Sundays, I was reading one of Locke & Key issues which was published by IDW Comic.  Locke & Key was one of best horror comic stories! I was flipping through issue of Locke & Key as my wife Sunflower was driving in deep forest somewhere on base of Fort Bragg in North Carolina.

Something caught my attention, I shouted to myself, “That’s it”

Sunflower was giving me kind of “huh” facial expression!

“Perfect for me to do blogging on that one!”

I scanned perfect picture of what I am seeing:

Does it rings me? You betcha!

Does it ring you also?

You need to ask YOURSELF!  I have PLENTY of stories to tell you about how HIDEOUS man I am!  I am MAN with too many secrets!  I always found a way to hid the bottle of rum, it is my self-medicating for my unbearable pain!  Looking at this picture above brought back painful memories where someone whom have been once dearly to me found my behavior very erratic.

Wanted to know one of my darkest secrets?  I stole PLENTY of money from those people even strangers so I can use their money to feed my addiction by making numerous trip to liquor store and get supersize bottle of rum.  Yes I am very sickening man!   I managed to manipulate those people who have been dearly to give me money or even let me manage their money.  I even deceived someone who have been dearly to me for many years that I will take care of grocery shopping but I managed to find a way to get cash back after paying groceries, so I can use those cash to get bottle of rum!

Another sickening thing I can share when there was big party at ballroom in honoring my old family friends.  I managed to sneaked into coat room and checked for cashes in their coats and jackets.  I raked in many dollars.  What did I do with it, GET darn bottle of rum!

I was HOPELESS man and I managed to hid a lot of those bottles of rum everywhere in my apartment when I used to live in Boston area.

Picture above remind me of unexplainable grace of God who found a way in my life and pulled me away by stripped everything have been meaningful in my life.  My sickening behavior was brought to light.

No wonder Jesus was very clear about sinful behavior will be brought to light as he said:

For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all.~Luke 8:17 (NLT)

Make sense?  I recall when being alcoholic addict, I always came up with many fable stories in order to make an excuse for my immersion into alcoholism and also I keep saying to myself and others:

“I do not have any problem with drinking and I am not alcoholic addict!  SO NOT ME! Look at me, I managed to go work and do things fine.”

I was deceiving myself and little I did realized those people who are around me KNEW my well-being appearance are seriously deteriorating!  It is because I let booze WRECKED who I am.  I lost myself, and engaged myself into false fantasies and denied the reality!

Jesus was very clear about what he said in Luke 8:17.  Also King David mentioned about hiding sinful deeds which is like cancer to the soul in eyes of God, it is sapping the strength of spiritual growth as he mentioned it in book of Psalms.

I can relate much to an Apostle Paul as he said:

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength to do his work. He considered me trustworthy and appointed me to serve him,  even though I used to blaspheme the name of Christ. In my insolence, I persecuted his people. But God had mercy on me because I did it in ignorance and unbelief.  Oh, how generous and gracious our Lord was! He filled me with the faith and love that come from Christ Jesus.  This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”—and I am the worst of them all.  But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life.  All honor and glory to God forever and ever! He is the eternal King, the unseen one who never dies; he alone is God. Amen. ~ 1 Timothy 1:12-17 (NLT)

Yes,  I destroyed those people who loves me and used them to feed my addiction until Jesus walked into my life once again on 12/3/12 when I looked at bottle of rum and said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and time to do something with my life.

Jesus and I have been walking even since….

No matter how hopeless situation you are in…there is still a HOPE in Jesus!

“Thirteen Reasons Why” Are Simply Painful Lesson!

“I do not TRUST you.”

“You are trouble maker!  All of us are doing fine until you showed up and you make a lot of problem!”

“You are SO SNEAKY, and I can see you!”

“You need to move your desk by wall because you are always getting other students into problem!”

All of those are silent and deadly cruelty words being said toward me by one teacher for the Deaf as I just recently entered into seventh grade at Dallastown Middle School in 1985.  She have no idea what was coming to me, my parents just got divorced in 1984 and I missed my father so much as he is more than 3,000 miles away from me in West Coast.  Even I was not trouble maker, I was wandering and being very confused in attempt to making an adjust in fit to new lifestyle in central of Pennsylvania.   The environment and lifestyle are VERY MUCH different from Southern California.  I was trying to find connection in students at school.  The teacher are being so cruelty and not being so empahtic toward my situation.

Watching The Thirteen Reasons Why TV series was one of most painful lessons.  God brought me back to the road of memories and wanted me to jog the memories which I buried for LONG time.   I was bullied and been falsely accused for doing something I never did.  The feeling of hatred returned to me, God was showing me it is time to prune my hidden hatred for this teacher who did things to me.  Even to make matter worse, there are one student who are very popular at Dallastown Middle School had call all students to follow him in homemade gesture as he was saying to me:

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

I stood motionless and being so defenseless

I went home, I never shared things to my mom and my step-father, I kept all those to myself.  Even one student tried to get white Deaf students to follow him in saying: “Ku Klux Klan” but fortunately Deaf students will not follow him.

What did those did good to me?  It WRECKED my self-esteem and all I wanted to call my father and tell him what they did to me!   

Bully is DEADLY weapon to self-esteem is it cool? NO!  What do you think?  Think HARDER before you say it!

Little YOU DID realize that your action of bullying toward others will affects their souls for years to come which will brings the sense of hatred, anger, and bitterness.

I had been fighting with demons inside me due to alcoholism for 11 years because my self esteem was ultimately DESTROYED due to years of being bullied based on my character and even my disabilities.  Someone would make fun of my odd walking!  Little they did realized I was diagnosed with mild cerebral palsy!

To make matter much worst, I wanted to kill myself because I was seeing myself as worthless and useless  because I was defined by those people who sees unworthy in me!

Bully is EVERYWHERE and is very UNCOOL & UNCALLED FOR!

Finding my life in Jesus have taught me about forgiveness and letting it go of all years of living in anger, hatred and bitterness.  I used to think and plot a vengeance against those who hurts me badly but God reminds me about importance of forgiveness will bring peace and joy in my soul.   Plotting vengeance will bring NOTHING good out of you, but it will make much worse than you think as it will do much harmful toward others, trust me!

I am thankful Jesus breathed new life in me!

It is why forgiveness is central of your spiritual growth in eyes of God as Jesus shared parable about unforgiving debtor:

Jesus replied, “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.

“The kingdom of God is like a king who decided to square accounts with his servants. As he got under way, one servant was brought before him who had run up a debt of a hundred thousand dollars. He couldn’t pay up, so the king ordered the man, along with his wife, children, and goods, to be auctioned off at the slave market.

“The poor wretch threw himself at the king’s feet and begged, ‘Give me a chance and I’ll pay it all back.’ Touched by his plea, the king let him off, erasing the debt.

 “The servant was no sooner out of the room when he came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him ten dollars. He seized him by the throat and demanded, ‘Pay up. Now!’

“The poor wretch threw himself down and begged, ‘Give me a chance and I’ll pay it all back.’ But he wouldn’t do it. He had him arrested and put in jail until the debt was paid. When the other servants saw this going on, they were outraged and brought a detailed report to the king.

 “The king summoned the man and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave your entire debt when you begged me for mercy. Shouldn’t you be compelled to be merciful to your fellow servant who asked for mercy?’ The king was furious and put the screws to the man until he paid back his entire debt. And that’s exactly what my Father in heaven is going to do to each one of you who doesn’t forgive unconditionally anyone who asks for mercy.”
Matthew 18:22-35 (MSG)

So did it ring you?

Sound annoying about unforgiving debtor?  How about you?  Are you refusing to forgive others because what they did to you?

Refusal of forgiving others will bring cancer in your spiritual growth.

Encourage let it go!

Inner healing do not happens quickly it takes time.  Spiritual growth is a journey as we will prune whatever is hindering our healthy spiritual growth!

Let it go is BEST thing will happen to your life, it will bring peace in your soul!

Past Can Be Your Enemy or Lesson!

If I could go back in past and changed for better and I would have seen the better life!

I should have not do it…

I blame this person for destroying my life!

Everyone is neglecting me because who I am, let me go in past to change it!

List goes on!

It is very common reactions I received based on my conversation with strangers, friends, and families.

Everyone, I mean EVERYONE…I did not say some of us or several of us, had issues with their own past.  I recall my conversation with someone who I considered to be my spiritual mother during my early years of walking with Lord.  She used to say, “Everyone comes from broken home, even they have beautiful and loving family but there are still broken.  It is because EVERYONE have their own insecure in their own identity where it is missed from their life journey.”

On third season premiere of The Flash TV series which introduced the Flashpoint which was hinted during season two finale.  Barry Allen aka The Flash went into time traveling into the past to alter the timeline by saving his mother from being killed at hand of Reserve Flash. Flashpoint details an altered DC Universe and its timeline as it changed Barry Allen’s relationship with his loved ones in good and bad ways.  The Flashpoint storyline comic was originally published in 2011 by DC Comics, and it is one of best storylines in history.

Before The Flash jumped into past, he had difficult time dealing with death of his mother when he was boy at the hand of Reserve Flash.  The Flash witnessed the murder of his mother have caused to frame his own father and placed him in prison.   The Flash was being foster fathered by Joe West whom is a police detective, father of Iris West, following Barry Allen’s parents, Nora Allen’s death and Henry Allen’s incarceration.

All of us have common with Barry Allen, we had hard time letting go of our past!  He refused to let it go, he lived in bitterness about his death of his mother and his father being framed for murder.  He envisioned perfect family and he wished to grow up whole his childhood with his parents!  He was true superhero as The Flash at same time, he was man of anger.  His anger has caused him to have difficult time developing stability relationship with his loved ones and co-workers.  Also, he was struggling with sense of self-worth because of absence of his parents.  He hard time forgiving himself for letting his anger doing much harmful to those whom is dear to him.

Do you truly forgive yourself and others for what damage has been done toward you?  How can you define forgive?  In simple way of meaning: letting go, to pardon or acquit of sins.  Forgiving yourself and others in God’s eyes will enhance God to handle those problem in His way not your way.  Jesus was very clear about it as he said:

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.  But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins…” ~ Matthew 6:14-15 (NLT)

Forgiveness and Restoration is part of God’s natural character for God is full of grace and love.  Nothing can make God refuse your sin until you seek God with your whole heart.

Barry Allen aka The Flash recognized that after he saved his mother from Reserve Flash have caused much complicated in his life circumstances with his families, friends and co workers, some of them have went sour with Barry Allen.  It came to his sense that past need to be left in past and cannot be changed but only he can change about his past is to use as lesson for his life journey.

He was very determined to restore the timeline again by leaving the death of his mother in past and return to his current timeline.  Unfortunately, there are still some damage done to his current timeline which created another new reality of his timeline.  It is because he dared to travel back in time to fixed but it did have big effect on his current timeline, so therefore Barry Allen aka The Flash learned his expensive lesson and focus on making progress of restoration.

Our past can be filled with ugliness circumstances and what done damage to us have caused us to be etched for years.  Living in past than to seek forgiveness, reconciliation and restoration will cause to live in bitterness and anger can do much damage to whom are truly dear to us.

One of dear friends of mine whom I have work closely in past at Deaf Teen Ministry camp used to say:

Ongoing negative thinking will cause you to have impact on your life perspective and it can be very toxic perspective.

Remember we are not product of the past, so let close the door of past and not to open it again, or should I say “do not fish” at this lake since it is heavily polluted.

I wanted you to take look at one of scenes was taken out from Flashpoint comic storyline:

Reserve Flash is one of most deadly villains in The Flash universe, he wanted to do anything to destroy Barry Allen and all of his loved ones.  Reserve Flash wants to remind Barry Allen aka The Flash about his past life and his poor decision.  Reserve Flash reflects much like Satan.  Satan is known as the accuser and wants to remind you of your past filled with regrets.

Do not let it happen to you!  You are the product of the present and future, so let change be made and it starts with YOU! Healing is long-term journey, it is NOT like express lane or overnight change.   It takes time.  Seek God with whole of your heart and be honest with yourself.