“Everyone hides who they are at least some of the time. Sometimes you bury that part of yourself so deeply you have to be reminded it’s even there at all. And sometimes you just want to forget who you are altogether… I’m not the monster he wants me to be. So I‘m neither man nor beast. I‘m something new entirely. With my own set of rules. I’m Dexter. Boo.” ~ Dexter Morgan (Season One, episode # four)
Dexter is a series chronicling the life of a serial killer prowling the streets of Miami is bound to leave viewers with many quotable moments. Dexter, a blood spatter analyst for Miami metro often shares his dark thoughts with viewers, allowing fans of the show to delve deeper into the mind of the meticulous serial killer played by Michael C. Hall. Because Dexter only chooses to kill other psychopaths, he has good characteristics as well as the obvious negative characteristic of being a psychopath himself. Michael C. Hall delivers each line so brilliantly that it is easy to forget that he is only playing a character.
Dexter is one of my favorite TV series because it has some hidden theological viewpoint on how it applies to our life. I have seen many people who have been victims of Dexter Morgan persona even ME too! Maybe you said to yourself, “how come!”
My simple question, do you have a secret or dark side in your life that you never wanted anyone to find out?
When I first saw the first season of Dexter, it arouses my interest to continue to watch it the whole way until the final season (eighth). This character, Dexter Morgan truly blew me away. You know why? It is simple answer is we are secretly leading a double life where your immediate family members, your spouse, and your close friends don’t even truly know.
I let alcoholism define my identity and turn me into monster where I don’t see it as a monster. I used alcoholism to justify my own pain. I used different kinds of schemes in an attempt to find a way to get money to get all hard liquor to make matters worse; I stole many hundred dollars so I can get more hard liquor! I confessed I was once very devious minded person. Many people who have been dear to me said they cannot image I was alcoholic addicts because I was busy fooling them with my infectious smile! Even at worse, I was very hypocrite Christian, I led Bible study, preached several sermons, and also been active in different ministry activities.
I tried hard and harder to hide my addiction to alcoholism and continue wearing fake mask in showing off how good Christian I am! To make matters much worse, I secretly drowned myself in booze when I was working as a social worker and I used booze to justify my overstress at work. Little I did realize, it is slowly destroying my work performance and even my work relationship with co-workers and clients too.
In reality, I am truly a MONSTER where my soul is very ugly and filled with many unspoken pains, I chose to become victims of Dexter Morgan persona. Little I did realize that my action has hurt many people who I truly loved.
The verses flooded in my thought as perfectly fits about hypocrisy which apply of being victim of Dexter Morgan persona:
“I hate all your show and pretense-the hypocrisy of your religious festival and solemn assemblies. I will not accept your burnt offerings and grain offerings. I won’t notice all your choice peace offerings. Away with your noisy hymns of praise! I will not listen to the music of your harps. Instead, I want to see a mighty flood of justice, an endless river of righteously living.” ~ Amos 5:21-24 (NLT)
God spoke to His people (Isarelites) through the prophet Amos because God knew their heart is darkened and been into something else to ease off their pain in their own souls than to truly seek God. Israelites perform the religion ceremony without any true commitment to God because their heart is not after God!
Alcoholism turned me into a different person else than actually who I am. I went outside of God’s unique design of identity, of who I am! See how it was paralleled with the character of Dexter Morgan, he used different kinds of schemes to cover up the track which points to himself as secret serial killer. Little by little, his secret life as serial killer was unraveled (I prefer not spoil the storyline what was told in season one to eight if you want to check out yourself). Also, Dexter wasn’t being completely honest when he performed his duty as a blood spatter analyst for Miami metro.
So do you have your own dark side where nobody knew? Have you been running from something for a long time where you are at this point, you are truly lost a far from being yourself?
The truth is… For the past nineteen years, I have been running a far from who I am. I finally learned the truth as God just wanted me to be myself and seek God with the whole of my heart as what the prophet Micah said:
“O people, the Lord has told you what is good and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.” ~Micah 6:8 (NLT)
Broken Chain Journey 
Michael:
I can relate to your pain as well as your experiences on the alcoholism. I have been down that road once. It was the most darkest moment in my life but the people who were closest to me were not easily fooled. They knew I loved my beers after attending so many social events but they knew I would binge more than just the social event–at work, at home, fishing trips, and even hunting trips. They even challenged me to face my inner demons and get them out of me. I recognized something was missing–I was so far away from God and totally forgot why I accepted His son, Jesus Christ, as my savior. Until that very night, God found me and got me back on track by connecting me to some very important people I did not know personally who truly were very sincere and shown me how much they cared. From that moment, I recognized God’s Grace and Mercy.
A year later, I learned I was diagnosed with rectal cancer. Boyee, was I crushed! I realized I tried my hardest to suppress the pains at an emotional level from all those binge drinking really did affected my health in a great deal. It was a wake-up call with hard reality check I had to hear and see, no hoo-baloneys from the gastronomic specialist. Once she told me what I had, she even mentioned if I decided to get back on the drinking binge–I become a lost cause and hope from getting the help I truly needed. BOOM, right there in front of my wife! I tried my hardest to shed my tears but ended up bawling like a 4-year-old. My wife shown me her love and support but at the same time, she had to tap my shoulder and let me know I really need to think of the people who needs me the most–my family who lives with me in our home. OHHH OUCH!
Today, I am staying sober for 6 years, 4 months and 22 days. I am happier where I am today. Heck, I got back to doing what I truly love the most in which I put them on hold for so long–motorcycling and bowling. I can just tell ya, my brother–if I can hang in there, fight the good fight staying sober by trusting in God completely for as long as I can until today (and hopefully continues to do so tomorrow and beyond), I believe you can do it as well. I wanted to share with you as well as your readers my story in a positive light. I bid thee smashing success and greatness God has in His plans for you. Here’s a verse I want to leave for you as well as your readers to read in the passage of Job 33:27-30 (NASB):
27 “He will sing to men and say, ‘I have sinned and perverted what is right,And it is not proper for me. 28 ‘He has redeemed my soul from going to the pit, And my life shall see the light.’ 29 “Behold, God does all these oftentimes with men, 30 To bring back his soul from the pit, That he may be enlightened with the light of life.”
Jason, thank you very much for sharing your insight and your life journey. I cannot image how it comes to dealing with cancer, it must be a deadly battle for you. I felt much blessed to have you in my life. I am thankful God kept you alive and strong despite things look hopeless and dim in your life. You are indeed blessed with beautiful wife and children so they are your gift from God.