Being Humble Creates True Growth In Your Life

I DESERVED IT!

Look at my qualifications and I have everything and please get me in!

Why did you reject me even I am so good and I possess talents beyond your expectation!

I did everything and you still do not get it and I am nothing good to you even I held great potential in life.

I truly guarantee that you would feel that way when you possesses talents, it is when you felt are not being recognized.  I got to admit it, I am one of them and how unfortunate it is.   It is painful feeling and never easy!  I would like to share something.

A week ago, I went to see Spider-Man: Homecoming movie at the theatre and I was so STOKED about this movie for two reasons: Spider-Man is my old time favorite since I was a boy and also it is finally connected back into Marvel Cinematic Universe after legal battle with Sony over Spider-Man movie franchise since Sony still own the right to make Spider-Man movies.

Before I can say about this movie, it will have a minor spoiler alert.   This movie took place after The Avengers Part One storyline (2012), and pre and post Captain America: Civil War storyline (2016).

One scene in this movie hits me so hard when Tony Stark aka Iron Man had sort of, “Father-Son” conversation with Peter Parker aka Spider-Man.

Tony Stark: What is somebody had died? That’s on you.  What if you had died? That’s on me.  I don’t need that guilt on my conscience.  I’m gonna need the suit back.

Peter Parker: For how long?

Tony Stark: For ever!

Peter Parker: I’ nothing without the suit!

Tony Stark: If you’re nothing without suit, then you shouldn’t have it!

(The dialogue between Tony and Peter took place after the incident with ferry boat where main villain, Vulture and his goons are on where Spider-Man thought he could handle himself but little did he realized it can kill numerous passengers on ferry boat).

Tony realized Peter had much to learn!  Tony thought Peter was unteachable and he had to do something about it!  He had to teach Peter, lesson and prove himself!

This scene blew me off because it made me think of the Christians who are in an untrained ministry position in sharing God’s Word, which turned into legalistic viewpoint even misinterpreted and misled on God’s Word where there is no training involved in understanding God’s Word.

So is you Peter Parker?  Tony knew Peter need to focus on himself as Peter Parker not as Spider-Man before he can be true Spider-Man.

One scene from Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones where there is a conversation between Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala which ETCHED me:

Anakin Skywalker: Master Obi-Wan manages not to see it. Do not get me wrong, Obi-Wan is a great mentor.  As wise as Master Yoda as powerful as Master Windu. I am truly thankful to be his apprentice.  In some ways—a lot of ways—I’m really ahead of him. I am ready for the trials… but he feels that I’m too unpredictable. He won’t let me move on.

Padme Amidala: That must be frustrating.

Anakin Skywalker: It’s worse.  He overly critical.  He never listens.  He—He doesn’t understand. It’s not fair!

Padme Amidala: All mentors have a way of seeing more of our faults than we would like. It’s the only way we grow.

Anakin Skywalker (Sighs): I know.

Padme Amidala: Anakin. Don’t try to grow up too fast.

Anakin Skywalker and Peter Parker shared similar frustration, however Peter Parker takes himself into action to prove himself to Tony Stark aka Iron Man.  It is where Anakin Skywalker did not, he let anger and bitterness took over it is where he has fallen into dark path.  The answer: Darth Vader, no further explanation needed!

Why did Anakin and Peter rushed into action and think they are capable of managing their own superpower?  The answer is simple, PRIDE!

Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall. ~ Proverbs 16:18 (NLT)

Pride is the attitude of showing is all about ME! Look at my ability and I am capable of doing it!  List going on!  “ME” attitude, lack mentorship and discipline.  Obi-Wan Kenobi and Tony Stark are considered a wise veteran, who held many year experience of handling the crisis.

How does it apply to spiritual growth in Christianity?  When it comes to Bible study, we need to be extra careful on how we interpret on what the verse is saying to us.  We often pull out the verse out of context and misinterpreted, which caused great misunderstanding.  So we need to seek help in understanding the Holy Bible better by being a listener and do the journaling to jot our thought in understanding what it will apply to our spiritual growth.  We need to sit down and listen to wise teachers, pastors, preachers, and even mature Christians who want to help us and feeds us with God’s Word.

I heard PLENTY of those like to say:

I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW HOW TO DO IT! 

Almost ten years ago, I was in training for mental health social worker, and the trainer was teaching me on how to document the important information in computer concerning daily activity of clients.  I keep telling the trainer, “I know” repeatedly.

In following next day in the morning, trainer privately emailed me with a very chilling message as he said:

If you keep saying I know that means you do not wants to learn anything!

This message truly haunted me even since!

It is no wonder Anakin had conceit attitude and he thinks he is ahead of his Jedi Master Kenobi, look at his statement again:

In some ways—a lot of ways—I’m really ahead of him. I am ready for the trials… but he feels that I’m too unpredictable. He won’t let me move on.

His attitude and behavior have turned himself into Lord Vader!  Peter Parker had similar ways as Spider-Man it is why Iron Man had to do something to teach Peter an expensive lesson in order to protect Peter from doing something will haunt Iron Man.

So we need to be careful and be willing to learn in understanding how God’s Word can apply to our spiritual growth and work on our flaws in our life before we can share with others.

“Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.” ~ Proverbs 13:3 (NLT)

It is nothing wrong to be overexcite about what we have learned and understood on what will give great benefit in our life, but we need to be careful not to rush into things where we are not trained to go there yet!

Uncanny X-Men Echoes Deaf World!

Oppression is no excuse for vengeance — for murder. I wonder… does the death of innocent people — cut down on the streets as they flee — free you? I think not. ~ Professor X from page of X-Men.

Professor X has a strong vision of seeing mutants and humanity living together in peace.

Magento saw humanity as great oppression upon mutants, so therefore humanity needs serious treatment.

Believe it or not, Professor X and Magento were once close friends until their view of human-mutant relations became incompatible which was the beginning of rivalry between them.

Professor X found X-Mansion,  Xavier Institute for Higher Learning (it used to be Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters.   It was the true intention to nourish the new mutants who are feeling being “outcast” in the world.  It is where the X-Men began!

Magneto went on his own path and found the Brotherhood of Mutants, originally known as the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.

Both of them share the same passion: their great love for mutants and ensure they are in their safe environment setting.

For years, I learn to appreciate the X-Men universe. Somehow I was reading one of the major storylines told by Marvel Comics called “House of M” and in issue number five of House of M, where Wolverine became victim of an altered timeline as it was caused by Scarlet Witch, daughter of Magneto. It’ where mutants are governing the world. So, I wanted you to take look at this one below:

Did you see what Wolverine said? Let’s focus on that statement he made:

I lived in a world where mutants were minorities, and the X-Men worked to build a peaceful coexistence between the growing mutant population and regular people… who never seem to run out of reasons to be terrified of us.

Did it ring you as being a Deaf person (Note to hearing people it applies to you too, because you might have something else than being Deaf person)?

Often of us experienced being oppressed in two different ways, true intention and non-intention. Being oppressed in non-intention is due to being ignorance and lack of being educated about an individual who is living as a Deaf person. For true intention, they knew it and cannot trust a Deaf person to do anything except able to hear!
How do you feel when you are being oppressed?

Fumed up?
Wanted to seek legal action against them?
They are REALLY IGNORANCE!
They cannot understand that I cannot read lips!
List going on, I can relate to you, smile!

Should I take up the personality of Magento? He has a depth of sense of hatred for humanity for mistreating mutants.

Magneto echoes “Deaf” militants! He doesn’t want to do anything with humanity! So are you seeing majority as a threat to your community because of their oppression?!

Should I say it’s better to take up the personality of Professor X since he believe in peacemaking between mutants and humanity!  Professor X will do anything to educate those who are truly ignorant about the importance of understanding that mutant are normal as human.  Also Professor X wanted to encourage those mutants to use their power wisely in helping those people.   

So do you want to be in Professor X or Magento’s camp?

It’s your choice!

Remember your attitude matters!

I prefer to be in Professor X’s camp! Before you say anything about who I am! I’m so proud of who I am! I’m thankful God created me to be Deaf person and see Deaf culture and its language: American Sign Language as part of my identity. I used to have bitterness against those who oppressed and discriminated upon me in the past. More I learned as I get older that I realized people who don’t understand Deaf are simply lacking the education about Deaf communities. 

Let your identity be in Christ and Christ is the King of Peace.  

Carrying the attitude of militant will cause to develop the division within Deaf communities where there is no peace within.

You are forgetting about one thing if you are occupied with militant attitude, they are WATCHING you!

Of course, all of us have different goals, visions and perspective. Remember, you cannot paint someone to be someone else. God sees an individual with its own unique personality! God doesn’t see Deaf as Broken person, God sees it as normal and beautiful in His own eyes. So therefore God wanted all of hearing people to understand and learn about the uniqueness of Deaf communities. Same as for us as Deaf people learn about uniqueness what differing from us!  

So therefore God created us and we are His beautiful children whom believe in Him through Jesus our Lord. 

Don’t let oppression and discrimination destroy who you have instead educated those who need to see us as not broken people! 

Apostle Paul wrote letter to communities of Galatia:

“There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus. And now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children of Abraham. You are his heirs, and God’s promise to Abraham belongs to you.” -Galatians 3:28-29 (NLT) 

We are all one in Christ.  None of us are outcast in eyes of God.  

Power is MINE! I DESERVED IT!

Power is mine! I earned it!

I worked so hard so don’t dare to cross me!

The world owes me!

I was bullied and being victimized!

Hey all of you, I knew the feeling and I had similar pain as you even it’s unbearable!

Let me share something, Stan Lee and Steve Dikto breathed a life in Peter Parker, who became a legendary superhero that everyone love known as Spider-Man. Spider-Man came to life in an issue of Amazing Fantasy number fifteen which was published in the month of August 1962.

Stan Lee and Steve Ditko coined the motto about role as being a superhero in the life of Spider-Man:

Great power comes great responsibility. 

Peter saw something unbelievable as he gained power due to being bitten by a radioactive spider. He was challenged to use his power for good purposes or for his own personal gain. Should superheroes use their own power to protect people from unseen evil force, use it for their own reputation or use to break the law as shortcuts in answer to their unfair treatment in their life?

Are you familiar with story of Joseph The Dreamer? The Saga of Joseph The Dreamer was told in the Book of Genesis, Chapter thirty-seven to fifty. Joseph was sold to merchants by Joseph’s own brothers! Joseph was brought to Egypt.  Joseph was very confused and been dismayed by what his brothers did to him.  Maybe he figured out that his father, Jacob does not want him anymore.
Remember when life taken an unexpected turn and there are always full of questions!

After thirteen years being in Egypt. Keep in mind during his thirteen years was not always full of joy. He was persecuted and been falsely accused even were forgotten. When he became governor of Egypt. He saw his own brothers came before him.

Didn’t you realize that he have full of authority and access to power as governor in doing anything to his brothers!

He can TORMENT and REPAID them back for what they did to him thirteen years ago!

However, during his thirteen years of staying in Egypt, he grabbed his time to develop a personal relationship with God, which shaped his heart despite he went through good and bad times there.   God’s unconditional love felt upon Joseph’s heart, which led him to have different approaching toward his brothers.

It is why Joseph made a very powerful statement as he said to his brothers:

“Come closer to me,” Joseph said to his brothers. They came closer. “I am Joseph your brother whom you sold into Egypt. But don’t feel badly, don’t blame yourselves for selling me. God was behind it. God sent me here ahead of you to save lives. There has been a famine in the land now for two years; the famine will continue for five more years—neither plowing nor harvesting. God sent me on ahead to pave the way and make sure there was a remnant in the land, to save your lives in an amazing act of deliverance. So you see, it wasn’t you who sent me here but God. He set me in place as a father to Pharaoh, put me in charge of his personal affairs, and made me ruler of all Egypt. ~ Genesis 45:4-8 (MSG)

That statement made by Joseph made me want to CRY! It is because I spent years of living in bitterness against specific people who hurts and belittled me because they saw there is no potential in my life.   Let me share about my experience about one family member who tried to tell me with very cruel messages:

“Look at yourself, LOOK at my son, he is doing very well and being successful in his life.”

Unfortunately, many years later his son was not doing very well and he is experiencing unfortunate incident in his life where he made poor decisions.   A family member knew I was doing well with my life as I made achievement in career and educational setting.   I finally saw this person last year at my sister’s wedding after eleven years of not seeing him.  He was scared to be near me, but I chose to come up to him and gave him warm hugs and let him that I still love him and expressed my apology for our soured relationship in the past.  It helped close the oldest chapters in the past and move on the new chapter.  It is a sign of forgiveness and let it go!

Let look at what Spider-Man said after he ignored to stop an unarmed burglar in page of Amazing Fantasy number fifteen:

My Fault–All my fault! If only I had stopped him when I could have! But I didn’t–and now–Uncle Ben is dead… ~

Spider-Man could have used his own power to kill the burglar for killing his Uncle Ben but he chose to use his power to arrest him and put him in custody of police officers.  So therefore the police officers can handle dealing with a burglar.

So I realized harder I could have used my power to hurt those people for hurting me, but it is not what Jesus would do, he said:

“Father, forgive them; they don’t know what they’re doing.” ~ Luke 23:34 (a) (MSG)

The quote “great power comes great responsibility” was mentioned in Luke 12:48:

“Great gifts mean great responsibilities; greater gifts, greater responsibilities!” ~ Luke 12:48 (b) (MSG)

So therefore, we are responsible for how we handle with accessible of power usage. If you decided to use your own power in doing harmful to people, then you are making yourself worst than before.  I have been there and trust me please, I said many poisonous words to those when I was full of anger and bitterness.

I regret a lot of things I did in the past, some of them will not forgive me even I asked for forgiven, but I realized I was in the eyes of God and I letting God take care of them because I was so eager to seek forgiven despite they declined my expression of apology.

Think about what Jesus would react to those who hurts you.

 

Are you Forgiving (or Prefers Tormenting) Yourself?

Nothing can make your life better and be at peace until you understand the true purpose of forgiveness.  The opposite of forgiveness is bitterness.

Are you being in prison of bitterness?

Are you anger at yourself?

Do you blame yourself for allowing yourself into a situation you are supposed not to be there?

Do you spend most of your life blaming others for making who you are?

Do you blame others for poor choices and decisions?

List going on!

In the season finale of Arrow Season Five, Slade Wilson aka Deathstroke made unbelievable return!  Yes, believe it or not!  It blows me away!

If you are unfamiliar with Deathstroke, he was one of anti-heroes/villains in the DC Comics Universe.  He first appeared in DC Comics in New Teen Titans issue number two in 1980. In Arrow TV Series, he first appeared in season one and played a large role in season two.  He is responsible for death of mother of Oliver Queen aka Arrow!  Really?  Yes!  He killed her!  It occurred in Season two episode number twenty.  It happened in front of Oliver Queen and his sister Thea Queen.

In season one, before Slade Wilson became Deathstroke he was allied and mentor for Oliver Queen in the flashback story before he became Arrow until the specific incident had truly enraged Slade (he was injected with an experimental Mirakuru serum after a near-fatal accident).   Slade was assumed to be dead, but later returned in season two in blood lust quest in seeking to destroy Arrow because what he did on an island in flashback story.  He was still injected with Mirakuru serum which turned him in different person.  It’s where he killed Arrow’s mother.  It’s a story of war between Arrow and Deathstroke.

Things changed between them because Deathstroke is no longer injected with Mirakuru serum because it’s worn out already and he’s back to his normal self.   He was kept in prison for years before Arrow came and seek his assistance.

One scene blew me off (Deathstroke knew he took responsibility for what he did to Arrow’s mother and did unfortunate damage to Arrow)…

Something made the difference between Arrow and Deathstroke:

Arrow: My past is coming back to haunt me.

Deathstroke: Seems to be a recurring theme with you, kid.

Arrow: Don’t know why.

Deathstroke: Well, it’s not really that complicated. You suffer from survivor’s guilt. You can’t get over the death of your father.

Arrow: Adrian Chase has nothing to do with my father.

Deathstroke: Kid, when it comes to you, everything has to do with your father. You and I are not dissimilar. We are both haunted by our pasts, and the only way to bury that ghost is by forgiving yourself.

Arrow: Forgiving myself for what?

Deathstroke: You blame yourself for your father’s suicide and everything else that has gone wrong since. You need to forgive yourself for your sins.

Arrow: You say that like it’s easy.

Deathstroke: It’s the hardest thing in this world.

Are you willing to forgive yourself for what you did to others no matter how serious it is! If refuse, then you are tormenting yourself!  You will let the past control you when you “rewind” your own life in the past.

I have heard countless statements from those who are tormenting themselves up as they said:

I should not…..

I wish I could do something…

I am dumb for getting myself in this kind situation…

Why did I put myself in this position where I knew it is wrong…

List going on!

All of those statements are putting yourself in a prison of bitterness!

One of my dear friends who I have been associated with at an alcoholic anonymous meeting and he used to tell me with very sharp and blunt statement (He told me in 2014):

If you look in past, then it is game over!  It is like trying to tell a horse to ride backward! 

He was right and I realized I have to move on so you need to do the same thing!  It is because I was having hard of letting go of one specific situation!

Jesus said forgiveness is central to spiritual growth and it will bring peace and new insight in the presence of God.

Bitterness is very dangerous!  It was spoken louder in the book of Hebrews as it said:

 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. ~Hebrews 12:15 (NLT)

So do not let your bitterness become poisonous and virus upon others, if you do then you will create negative vibes upon others and it will do much more damage than you think!

Forgiving yourself is one of most painful things you can do before you finally can move on, TRUST ME I have been there, I always hated myself for what I did to my former wife (my first marriage) and those people who been dear to me.  I was never proud of what I did in the past, but I finally learn to find true peace in Jesus so I had to forgive myself and I can truly love myself for who I am.  It is because God made who I am.   God does not define who I am by past because I am redeemed by Jesus so I am making as brand new in God’s eyes as I am His child!

If you are still angered about the past, and please think for a moment how much your anger affects your family members, friends, or co-workers and did you see any difference? Think about it.  So therefore do not let the past haunt you instead let it be your lessons so you can make a bright future with the eyes of God!

Spit Upon Christ’s Face!

You better get off medication and you need to increase your faith in healing your mental illness!

Oh He (or She) abused you physically, verbally and emotionally, how?  Domestic Violence?!?!  You need to honor your spouse if not and you are suffering the consequence of your behavior!

You always come to church being drunken, You NEED TO STOP DRINKING too much!  Look at you, you are embarrassment to all of us in church!

List going on!

I knew you had HEARD PLENTY of cruelty message in church!

All of us are IGNORANCE!  We failed to see church as true place for wounded souls instead we see it as club for the SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS people.

My question for you how would you feel if Jesus Christ is walking inside church and watching you guys giving those cruelty message to broken and less fortunate people!

 

Believe it or not, if Jesus is walking in today’s generation, and trust me…he will still finds PLENTY of hypocrisy acts in church.  He did not care about your biblical knowledge or your talents in ministry field.  He is not concern about it.  He is talking about your heart!

My years of battle with alcoholism have left me with distorted view of church.  They would tell me:

• Stop drinking too much
• You are acting differently
• You are hurting others
• You need professional help
• Look at yourself, you are getting worse

Yes, all of those was said to me without looking at my unbearable pain, they are so obsessed one objective:

You need to STOP drinking, pray more and have more faith!

It made me wonder would Jesus said to me?  My answer is NO!  Jesus will come and sit down and give me hugs and touch my unbearable pain as it let be disclosed in eyes of Jesus.  The perfect love cast out fear as said in 1 John 4:18.  Finding comfortable place where restless soul can be soothed by God is greatly needed in church.

 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.~ 1 John 4:18 (NLT)

Unfortunately all of us failed to comfort and give gracious encouragement even take role of being advocator in help getting someone to seek resources where it is not available in church.

Often the members of church are untrained to help others or will figure out on how to “self-medicating” method in helping others where there are resources outside church.  Even believe it or not, grace-filled Christians are doing same thing because they do not KNOW HOW to do it.

God is EVERYWHERE!

Most of time, churches are untrained to handle the procedure of:

• Deadly Addiction Behavior
• Domestic Violence
• Mental Health
• Divorce

List going on all kinds of sensitive training is greatly needed at churches.

Are you licensed to tell others to discontinue their medication which help cope with their mental illness? Can you tell other to stop taking medication for diabetic, high cholesterol, High Blood Pressure, or other kinds of health condition needs to be medicated?  Think about it?  It is like crossing over boundaries of medical practice where.  Do you dare to mow your neighbor’s lawn where it is overgrown?  It is disrespect toward their property as it is not your property.  So therefore let licensed doctor handles it not you!  If you are concern just share with loving and gracious message!  They do not needs nasty message from you, they have dealt with it enough already!

Unfortunately, we NEGLECTED and to make matter much worst, we send cruelty message as part of our judging attention upon other.

SHUNNING others will cause their faith to be deteriorating.   Who is responsible for it? You…sort of!

When I was going through separation and divorce progress, I was walking like lonely warrior and I did not have any kinds of support group for marriage dissolution when my marriage ended at beginning of separation in late 2012.  I was confused because I was given messages with kinda of sarcastic, hissing & cruelty tone!  However, I did acknowledge those few true friends plus seminary friends who was there to send me very comforting and encouraging messages to fight through it.

Often of time, I wanted to relapse and tell the world F*** You and let drown myself into rum because I was given with cold and cruelty messages!  But I chose not to do it, I knew it will make much worse!  I chose to walk down the path with Jesus and learn to seek God than finding false peace in rum!

I forgive those who spit upon my face actually not my face upon the face of Christ.  Christ is standing by me as he wept over those His children who are ignorance and untrained.

I do not blame those who feel so scared or never experienced with situation but remember it is part of life journey where it need to be loved and be comforted.

Am I alone? Nah, I have heard PLENTY of horror stories from recovering addicts, mental illness survivors, and others.   I felt much comfort being with them because we are carrying the “Ragamuffin” gospel, it is what Jesus did on earth!

If you are not sure on how to help do not say those are uncalled for, just be listener and ask what you can offer to help and be good advocator toward whoever needs your time.

It is what Jesus did for us!

Mother Teresa, one of well-known and loving servants for God made statement about judging others:

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.

Make sense?  If not sure just say nothing and be listener, and seek help (do not stand do nothing)…no wonder James wrote in book of James about it as he said:

What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone?  Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing,  and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do? ~ James 2:14-16 (NLT)

Be wise in what you are doing and let it give whole glory to God!

NOT ME! NOT ME!

On one of beautiful late morning of Sundays, I was reading one of Locke & Key issues which was published by IDW Comic.  Locke & Key was one of best horror comic stories! I was flipping through issue of Locke & Key as my wife Sunflower was driving in deep forest somewhere on base of Fort Bragg in North Carolina.

Something caught my attention, I shouted to myself, “That’s it”

Sunflower was giving me kind of “huh” facial expression!

“Perfect for me to do blogging on that one!”

I scanned perfect picture of what I am seeing:

Does it rings me? You betcha!

Does it ring you also?

You need to ask YOURSELF!  I have PLENTY of stories to tell you about how HIDEOUS man I am!  I am MAN with too many secrets!  I always found a way to hid the bottle of rum, it is my self-medicating for my unbearable pain!  Looking at this picture above brought back painful memories where someone whom have been once dearly to me found my behavior very erratic.

Wanted to know one of my darkest secrets?  I stole PLENTY of money from those people even strangers so I can use their money to feed my addiction by making numerous trip to liquor store and get supersize bottle of rum.  Yes I am very sickening man!   I managed to manipulate those people who have been dearly to give me money or even let me manage their money.  I even deceived someone who have been dearly to me for many years that I will take care of grocery shopping but I managed to find a way to get cash back after paying groceries, so I can use those cash to get bottle of rum!

Another sickening thing I can share when there was big party at ballroom in honoring my old family friends.  I managed to sneaked into coat room and checked for cashes in their coats and jackets.  I raked in many dollars.  What did I do with it, GET darn bottle of rum!

I was HOPELESS man and I managed to hid a lot of those bottles of rum everywhere in my apartment when I used to live in Boston area.

Picture above remind me of unexplainable grace of God who found a way in my life and pulled me away by stripped everything have been meaningful in my life.  My sickening behavior was brought to light.

No wonder Jesus was very clear about sinful behavior will be brought to light as he said:

For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all.~Luke 8:17 (NLT)

Make sense?  I recall when being alcoholic addict, I always came up with many fable stories in order to make an excuse for my immersion into alcoholism and also I keep saying to myself and others:

“I do not have any problem with drinking and I am not alcoholic addict!  SO NOT ME! Look at me, I managed to go work and do things fine.”

I was deceiving myself and little I did realized those people who are around me KNEW my well-being appearance are seriously deteriorating!  It is because I let booze WRECKED who I am.  I lost myself, and engaged myself into false fantasies and denied the reality!

Jesus was very clear about what he said in Luke 8:17.  Also King David mentioned about hiding sinful deeds which is like cancer to the soul in eyes of God, it is sapping the strength of spiritual growth as he mentioned it in book of Psalms.

I can relate much to an Apostle Paul as he said:

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength to do his work. He considered me trustworthy and appointed me to serve him,  even though I used to blaspheme the name of Christ. In my insolence, I persecuted his people. But God had mercy on me because I did it in ignorance and unbelief.  Oh, how generous and gracious our Lord was! He filled me with the faith and love that come from Christ Jesus.  This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”—and I am the worst of them all.  But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life.  All honor and glory to God forever and ever! He is the eternal King, the unseen one who never dies; he alone is God. Amen. ~ 1 Timothy 1:12-17 (NLT)

Yes,  I destroyed those people who loves me and used them to feed my addiction until Jesus walked into my life once again on 12/3/12 when I looked at bottle of rum and said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and time to do something with my life.

Jesus and I have been walking even since….

No matter how hopeless situation you are in…there is still a HOPE in Jesus!

My Dad & Me!

What is father to you?  Father is a figure who take central as part of your life and be filled with unconditional love where there is grace, compassion and been very understanding.

It is something I have been struggling to understand after living in pain and anger for long time after being belittled and been oppressed by someone who took over father role even I was taught with some kind of distorting moral values in my life caused me to have very confusing perspective about life itself.  My true father was absence from my life for many years.

It brought me much confusion, anger, fear and filled with bitterness toward God which landed me into alcoholism. Even I got to admit, I was leading double life in ministry field and I wore mask where I hid my ugly wounded soul.  I drank too much because I did not realize I was trying to nurse my own unspoken pain upon my heart due too many rejections, lack of self-worthy, low self-esteem, and lack of respect.

One afternoon, one letter arrived during Spring of 2006, that letter was addressed to me from my true father that I have not hear from him in over decade!  My mind was blew when I read the letter with beautiful card.  This letter from my father expressed his strong passion in seeking reconciliation of father & son relationship.  It is true beginning of my long journey of inner healing.

Prior to reconciliation, my dad was wonderful father to me since I was born until in 1984, it changes everything when my mom made cunning plan from my dad by telling him that she wanted to go away for break with me in New York City.  After our arrival in New York City, my mom told my dad on phone as what my mom told me:

Your dad and I are divorcing…we are staying here!

It left me in very confusing and filled with missing pieces to puzzle in my life.  However, my mom continues to send me to visit my dad every summer until I reached my adulthood it is when I finished my high school at Model Secondary School for the Deaf and are in preparation to enter Gallaudet University.  It is where at this point, I began to get very confusing and been brainwashed as I was misled about my dad which apart us for over a decade before we are reconciled in 2006.

My earliest of my cherished memories with my Dad in 1970s to late 1980s:

My Dad was holding me when I was only 8 months old in 1973.

My Dad was helping me feeding goats at Knotts Berry Farm on August 3, 1979.

My Dad and me at Knotts Berry Farm on August 3, 1979.

My Dad and I were fooling around as we were in boxing match. My Dad was hardcore fan of boxing, picture was taken in 1982.

My Dad, Auntie Lucy and Me had taken picture with Lakers player, Chuck Nevitt during summer of 1985.

I wanted to share the earliest of my cherished memories of my dad and I spending together for last time before an incident truly apart us for many years:

Our together at Disneyland was one of best and earliest memories of us being together last time before it set us apart for years before we are reunited in 2006.

Our relationship as father and son have developed and healed our old wounded slowly since our reunion in 2006. I began to understand my dad and at same time he learned to understand and where I came from.  When I fell into alcoholism, it caused my dad to grow closer to me and trying to understand in uncovering about my hidden and unspoken pain.  He was always there for me, my step mother, Pamela have been biggest support and been encouraging in everything to see my relationship with my dad become strong.

It is our reunion in 2006 when I visited my dad in Northern California, it was taken in Chester, California:

Our reunion during summer of 2006 in Chester, California.

When I lost everything in 2012, my previous marriage, career, my beautiful apartment, my beautiful Shetland Sheepdog Liberty.  My dad was very determined to be there for me and be able to spend every moment as he can to help me to ensure I get all professional help and seek God as part of my ongoing inner healing journey.   He never looked down on me, he was full of grace and love at same time he expressed his grave concern for my life.

During my stay at Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary have taught me about true love began with relationship with our Heavenly Father.  Heavenly Father is full of love where it helped me to understand my dad and it brought healing to the fullest and even I learned to forgive my dad for being absence from my life and also forgive those one who tried to father me whom belittled & oppressed me which leave me with sense of lack of self-worthy when my dad was not in my life for many years.

As years passed by since 2006, I began to see my dad as my hero and biggest influence in my life, God have answered my long unanswered prayer to get my dad back in my life.  Looking in my dad’s eyes and heart have helped me understand myself as God shaped my life for His whole glory.

It is why God is God of restoration and kept His promise upon my life.  It is true evidence of how God shaped my life!

O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive,
    so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help. ~Psalm 86:5 (NLT)

When I was engaged to my Gorgeous Sunflower Tami Jo last year, and my dad promised me that he will come down to our wedding among with my step mother, Pamela.  It came true, God did something above what I expected! I learned to forgive my mom for what she did to me and she was very supportive toward my restoration of relationship with my dad since 2006.   Even what became more blessing to me.  My dad and mom have not seen each other since 1984 as I got to have both of them with me in picture which I have not one since 1984.

Here is the picture of My Dad and I at our wedding on February 14, 2016 in Fayetteville, North California:

It perfectly fits what God promised me:

 

 

God do not call me CRAZY!

Being Christian means I follow Jesus not how people defines who I am in God’s eyes.

Christians are suppose to give comforting and encouraging words.

Did they?  They breeds more bullying, unlovable and hatred words.

Did God told them?  Did Jesus breeds the words that goes against the worthy and unique of humankind?

No He did not!

Simply he came on earth to touch those wounded heart with His an AMAZING LOVE!

Many Christians failed to follow His example of touching those wounded hearts.

Am I crazy?  Am I being cursed by God because of living with mental illness since I was diagnosed with Manic-Depression and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder!

Jesus sat down and gave me warm words:

I understand you and I love you.

It is what was spoke to my heart.

What happen to today’s churches, they are too busy trying to say how much God bless them and attempt to “savory” others about how good pastor of the church is! Aren’t church suppose to be place for wounded souls where there are plenty of love, grace, kindness, compassion, and mercy toward those are are much unfortunate people!

Dealt in deadly battle with alcoholism, mental illness, and unsafe behavior pattern have left me become less and less worth in presence of people.  They are busy saying bad things about me.  They tried to tell me:

Stop drinking too much!
You are always drunk!
You are hurting others too much!
You are sick man!
What’s wrong with you!?!?!

List going on, are there any loving and comforting words involved? NONE, however there are very few Christian friends took their time to try understand me.  I said again…VERY FEW of them!

What church failed to see what Peter and John did with one man who is trying to find something in his own soul:

One day Peter and John went to the Temple at three o’clock, the time set each day for the afternoon prayer service.  There, at the Temple gate called Beautiful Gate, was a man who had been crippled all his life. Every day he was carried to this gate to beg for money from the people going into the Temple.   The man saw Peter and John going into the Temple and asked them for money.  Peter and John looked straight at him and said, “Look at us!”  The man looked at them, thinking they were going to give him some money.  But Peter said, “I don’t have any silver or gold, but I do have something else I can give you. By the power of Jesus Christ from Nazareth, stand up and walk!”  Then Peter took the man’s right hand and lifted him up. Immediately the man’s feet and ankles became strong.  He jumped up, stood on his feet, and began to walk. He went into the Temple with them, walking and jumping and praising God.  All the people recognized him as the crippled man who always sat by the Beautiful Gate begging for money. Now they saw this same man walking and praising God, and they were amazed. They wondered how this could happen. ~ Acts 3:1-10 (NCV)

Did you see how Peter and John handled the situation, they was very determined to look at this man’s wounded soul than to enable him in do whatever he wants to do with money if he was offered with money.

Did church follow the example of Peter and John?  Frankly, I would say VERY FEW of them until you PROVE ME WRONG!

I admit I always thought I was sickening man who have been living with addiction in alcoholism and been engaged in many unsafe behavior.  I always blamed on myself as I thought to myself I am worthless, evil, and useless person.  It is because I took the definition of my identity from those society even church.  I was hopeless human being who have been extremely exhausted in fighting to try do good things but always goes wrong way.  All of those I felt that way in 2012 and I was fighting for my own life.

My stay at Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary have taught me something where I never learned in past, God is very gracious and loving God who wanted to take care of me.  I was given verse:

“The Lord your God is with you;
    the mighty One will save you.
He will rejoice over you.
    You will rest in his love;
    he will sing and be joyful about you.”~ Zephaniah 3:17 (NCV)

Did God calls me crazy?  HECK NO!  God is madly in love with me!  I am His worthy and unique child!

Christians need to take example what Jesus did to wounded hearts with gentle words filled with love and kindness.  Unfortunately, they are busy saying bad things and how they rebelled against God even would say how crazy we are!

You have NO idea what I went through and the origin behind of my battle with alcoholism also what engaged me into many unsafe behavioral pattern.   You need to learn to listen to their wounded hearts which is filled with unbearable and unspoken pain in their soul.

LEARN to LISTEN to them and UNDERSTAND them.

It is what Jesus wanted you to do….

Show empathy, be compassionate, be gracious, and be lovable toward them!

 

 

Be Yourself!

One afternoon at the campus of Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary in beautiful small town, South Hamilton, I was sitting in front of my professor, Steve Kang.  During sitting in Professor Kang’s office, my mind was pondering over many things after he made stunning statement:

“During your stay around here, I wanted you to know God just wanted you to be YOU!”

This statement above made me feels like brick just hit my nose so hard and caused to bleed badly!  It is because I told Professor Kang with an assumption as I said, “I believed God called me to be pastor or teacher…”  Professor Kang cut me off and said this statement above.

For years, I lived in people’s expectation and let them defines my identity based on how I exercised God’s given gift which mislead me into many assumption path.   People keep telling me:

Look at Michael, he got gift to be into pastoral ministry!

Michael, you got gift of being evangelist!

Wow, I wish Michael is our pastor of our church!

List going on!

Before I can goes further about finding true self in yourself.   I would like to share one scenario from page of Infinity Crusade # 6 which was written by Jim Starlin and drew by Ron Lim.  It is one of milestone and classic storyline in history of Marvel Comics.   One of most deadly villain known as Thanos which was known as The Mad Titan (You can easily spot his appearance in post-credit of film Avengers & Avengers: Age of Ultron and Guardian of the Galaxy).

Thanos was willing to offer assistance to one of his enemies, Adam Warlock, and they accomplished mission in destroying cosmic egg to prevent big blow to earth.  I wanted you to look at their conversation:

Obviously, you can see how Adam was telling something to Thanos in about being hero.  Thanos retorted back in attempt to defense his own identity as who he is.  He is not interested in letting Adam make perspective about Thanos.  Thanos wanted to be Thanos that all at same time he have his own missions to seek else than just superheroes’ vision!  So bottom line of all, be yourself!  Are you curious at full page of their conversation so here it is:

 

I had to deconstruct (unlearn) my programmed way of thinking on how those people tell me!  It is where my true life in presence of God began on November 29, 2012!   This date will forever be remembered as turning point in my life.  I re-discover my walk with God with all new meaningful perspective.

Since childhood, I was movie buff and comic guru/geek and always had great love about it because I sense there are much analogy in them.   I let someone take away my identity and my passion and re shape me with something which I did not find anything enjoyable.

In my walk with God, I returned to my old root of my passion of being movie buff and comic guru/geek and I learned to use those as analogy and how it reflects our walk with God and importance of finding true meaning of life in presence of God.

It is where I finally learn to enjoy my freedom in presence of God, it is true beginning of discovering true identity in Christ.  If people do not like what I am doing as movie buff and comic guru/geek then so therefore it is not my problem, it is their problem!

To be yourself, you need to be truly free from those toxic people where they will not let you be yourself.  In order to be truly be yourself is already verified beautifully by Jesus as he engaged in conversation with one expert on religious law:

Jesus said, “What is written in the law? What do you read there?”

The man answered, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.”Also, “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.”

Jesus said to him, “Your answer is right. Do this and you will live.” ~Luke 10:27-28 (NCV)

Loving God as first thing to do will bring the true love of self-acceptance because getting in an intimacy relationship will bring you to the point where God wanted you to be YOU!

Vengeance has consumed you…

“Vengeance has consumed you. It’s consuming them. I am done letting it consume me.”

T’Challa aka Black Panther (one of main characters from Captain America: Civil War) made stunning quote toward Helmut Zemo!

Do you lost faith in humanity because of senseless and meaningless evil behavioral performed on earth where you see too much negativity and toxic on media? Is it too much for you to witness?

Where does we turn to? God is our hope in senseless and meaningless situations where you see there is no justice being done. Do you feel you want to take law in your own hands and do those things to them who have hurt you badly? Are you letting bitterness take over your soul because you sense something is being done toward you in very unfair way!

It is what Helmut Zemo did; he is the man with full of anger! Let me provide you with brief background of Helmut Zemo. Helmut Zemo was first introduced in page of Captain America #168 in 1973 but did not officially become Helmut Zero until #275.   He is considered one of most cunning and deadly villains in Marvel Comic Universe. He is great known for partnering with evil empire such as Master of Evil, Hydra, and Secret Empire and even he has collaborated with Red Skull.

Helmut Zemo chose to take law in his own hands after what did to his homeland, Sokovia that was told in Avengers: Age of Ultron. His secret agenda was true intention to destroy the Avengers in Captain America: Civil War.  After Helmut Zemo revealed the secret videotape footage which shown Bucky Barnes (his mind was controlled by Hydra), which killed Tony Stark aka Iron Man’s parents in front of Iron Man’s eyes. Captain America KNEW what was hidden in video footage!

That is why Captain America was very determined to take stand and made every attempt to reason with Iron Man as he was defending his childhood friend, Bucky Barnes.  Captain America made statement which what Jesus would does to us:

“He Said ‘Bucky’ And Suddenly I Was That 16-Year-Old Boy From Brooklyn Again.”

What point of this quote above, Captain America emphasized Hydra brainwashed Bucky Barnes and Bucky lost control of his freedom in his life.  It is acting of grace even Captain America knew what is in footage, he wanted to defend Iron Man from hurting himself and do harmful things in future.

Captain America never give up on his close friend, Bucky Barnes, it is because he loved him as it is like his real brother.  Captain America cherished his memories with Bucky when they are young together in Brooklyn!

Black Panther learned what Helmut Zemo did to them, he stopped him from committing suicide after bloody battle between Captain America & Bucky Barnes and Iron Man.  Black Panther realized vengeance is bring out nothing but destruction for it own soul.

Refusal of forgiven will plant the root of bitterness in you in what it consumed Helmut Zemo.   It is why Jesus made very clear about importance of forgiving others as he talked about parable on unforgiving debtor:

“Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars.  He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.

“But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.

“But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars.^[d] He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.

“His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.

 “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.

 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters^[e] from your heart.”

~Matthew 18:23-35 (NCV)

In my own sense and interpretation, Captain America had to take Bucky Barnes away from Iron Man after bloody battle in order to protect Bucky Barnes and even protected Iron Man too.  Captain America wrote heartened letter to Iron Man because he loved him as friend and will be there for him in aftermath event of Civil War.

What Captain America did was out of love as what Jesus did to us!  Jesus walked on earth to bring grace and love to those who feel there is no hope in them when their past are full of ugly.

Captain America believed in grace, love and compassion as what Jesus did.  Captain America have heart of Jesus!

No wonder Captain America’s famous quote:

“I’m with you till the end of the line”