“Thirteen Reasons Why” Are Simply Painful Lesson!

“I do not TRUST you.”

“You are trouble maker!  All of us are doing fine until you showed up and you make a lot of problem!”

“You are SO SNEAKY, and I can see you!”

“You need to move your desk by wall because you are always getting other students into problem!”

All of those are silent and deadly cruelty words being said toward me by one teacher for the Deaf as I just recently entered into seventh grade at Dallastown Middle School in 1985.  She have no idea what was coming to me, my parents just got divorced in 1984 and I missed my father so much as he is more than 3,000 miles away from me in West Coast.  Even I was not trouble maker, I was wandering and being very confused in attempt to making an adjust in fit to new lifestyle in central of Pennsylvania.   The environment and lifestyle are VERY MUCH different from Southern California.  I was trying to find connection in students at school.  The teacher are being so cruelty and not being so empahtic toward my situation.

Watching The Thirteen Reasons Why TV series was one of most painful lessons.  God brought me back to the road of memories and wanted me to jog the memories which I buried for LONG time.   I was bullied and been falsely accused for doing something I never did.  The feeling of hatred returned to me, God was showing me it is time to prune my hidden hatred for this teacher who did things to me.  Even to make matter worse, there are one student who are very popular at Dallastown Middle School had call all students to follow him in homemade gesture as he was saying to me:

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

I stood motionless and being so defenseless

I went home, I never shared things to my mom and my step-father, I kept all those to myself.  Even one student tried to get white Deaf students to follow him in saying: “Ku Klux Klan” but fortunately Deaf students will not follow him.

What did those did good to me?  It WRECKED my self-esteem and all I wanted to call my father and tell him what they did to me!   

Bully is DEADLY weapon to self-esteem is it cool? NO!  What do you think?  Think HARDER before you say it!

Little YOU DID realize that your action of bullying toward others will affects their souls for years to come which will brings the sense of hatred, anger, and bitterness.

I had been fighting with demons inside me due to alcoholism for 11 years because my self esteem was ultimately DESTROYED due to years of being bullied based on my character and even my disabilities.  Someone would make fun of my odd walking!  Little they did realized I was diagnosed with mild cerebral palsy!

To make matter much worst, I wanted to kill myself because I was seeing myself as worthless and useless  because I was defined by those people who sees unworthy in me!

Bully is EVERYWHERE and is very UNCOOL & UNCALLED FOR!

Finding my life in Jesus have taught me about forgiveness and letting it go of all years of living in anger, hatred and bitterness.  I used to think and plot a vengeance against those who hurts me badly but God reminds me about importance of forgiveness will bring peace and joy in my soul.   Plotting vengeance will bring NOTHING good out of you, but it will make much worse than you think as it will do much harmful toward others, trust me!

I am thankful Jesus breathed new life in me!

It is why forgiveness is central of your spiritual growth in eyes of God as Jesus shared parable about unforgiving debtor:

Jesus replied, “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.

“The kingdom of God is like a king who decided to square accounts with his servants. As he got under way, one servant was brought before him who had run up a debt of a hundred thousand dollars. He couldn’t pay up, so the king ordered the man, along with his wife, children, and goods, to be auctioned off at the slave market.

“The poor wretch threw himself at the king’s feet and begged, ‘Give me a chance and I’ll pay it all back.’ Touched by his plea, the king let him off, erasing the debt.

 “The servant was no sooner out of the room when he came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him ten dollars. He seized him by the throat and demanded, ‘Pay up. Now!’

“The poor wretch threw himself down and begged, ‘Give me a chance and I’ll pay it all back.’ But he wouldn’t do it. He had him arrested and put in jail until the debt was paid. When the other servants saw this going on, they were outraged and brought a detailed report to the king.

 “The king summoned the man and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave your entire debt when you begged me for mercy. Shouldn’t you be compelled to be merciful to your fellow servant who asked for mercy?’ The king was furious and put the screws to the man until he paid back his entire debt. And that’s exactly what my Father in heaven is going to do to each one of you who doesn’t forgive unconditionally anyone who asks for mercy.”
Matthew 18:22-35 (MSG)

So did it ring you?

Sound annoying about unforgiving debtor?  How about you?  Are you refusing to forgive others because what they did to you?

Refusal of forgiving others will bring cancer in your spiritual growth.

Encourage let it go!

Inner healing do not happens quickly it takes time.  Spiritual growth is a journey as we will prune whatever is hindering our healthy spiritual growth!

Let it go is BEST thing will happen to your life, it will bring peace in your soul!

Past Can Be Your Enemy or Lesson!

If I could go back in past and changed for better and I would have seen the better life!

I should have not do it…

I blame this person for destroying my life!

Everyone is neglecting me because who I am, let me go in past to change it!

List goes on!

It is very common reactions I received based on my conversation with strangers, friends, and families.

Everyone, I mean EVERYONE…I did not say some of us or several of us, had issues with their own past.  I recall my conversation with someone who I considered to be my spiritual mother during my early years of walking with Lord.  She used to say, “Everyone comes from broken home, even they have beautiful and loving family but there are still broken.  It is because EVERYONE have their own insecure in their own identity where it is missed from their life journey.”

On third season premiere of The Flash TV series which introduced the Flashpoint which was hinted during season two finale.  Barry Allen aka The Flash went into time traveling into the past to alter the timeline by saving his mother from being killed at hand of Reserve Flash. Flashpoint details an altered DC Universe and its timeline as it changed Barry Allen’s relationship with his loved ones in good and bad ways.  The Flashpoint storyline comic was originally published in 2011 by DC Comics, and it is one of best storylines in history.

Before The Flash jumped into past, he had difficult time dealing with death of his mother when he was boy at the hand of Reserve Flash.  The Flash witnessed the murder of his mother have caused to frame his own father and placed him in prison.   The Flash was being foster fathered by Joe West whom is a police detective, father of Iris West, following Barry Allen’s parents, Nora Allen’s death and Henry Allen’s incarceration.

All of us have common with Barry Allen, we had hard time letting go of our past!  He refused to let it go, he lived in bitterness about his death of his mother and his father being framed for murder.  He envisioned perfect family and he wished to grow up whole his childhood with his parents!  He was true superhero as The Flash at same time, he was man of anger.  His anger has caused him to have difficult time developing stability relationship with his loved ones and co-workers.  Also, he was struggling with sense of self-worth because of absence of his parents.  He hard time forgiving himself for letting his anger doing much harmful to those whom is dear to him.

Do you truly forgive yourself and others for what damage has been done toward you?  How can you define forgive?  In simple way of meaning: letting go, to pardon or acquit of sins.  Forgiving yourself and others in God’s eyes will enhance God to handle those problem in His way not your way.  Jesus was very clear about it as he said:

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.  But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins…” ~ Matthew 6:14-15 (NLT)

Forgiveness and Restoration is part of God’s natural character for God is full of grace and love.  Nothing can make God refuse your sin until you seek God with your whole heart.

Barry Allen aka The Flash recognized that after he saved his mother from Reserve Flash have caused much complicated in his life circumstances with his families, friends and co workers, some of them have went sour with Barry Allen.  It came to his sense that past need to be left in past and cannot be changed but only he can change about his past is to use as lesson for his life journey.

He was very determined to restore the timeline again by leaving the death of his mother in past and return to his current timeline.  Unfortunately, there are still some damage done to his current timeline which created another new reality of his timeline.  It is because he dared to travel back in time to fixed but it did have big effect on his current timeline, so therefore Barry Allen aka The Flash learned his expensive lesson and focus on making progress of restoration.

Our past can be filled with ugliness circumstances and what done damage to us have caused us to be etched for years.  Living in past than to seek forgiveness, reconciliation and restoration will cause to live in bitterness and anger can do much damage to whom are truly dear to us.

One of dear friends of mine whom I have work closely in past at Deaf Teen Ministry camp used to say:

Ongoing negative thinking will cause you to have impact on your life perspective and it can be very toxic perspective.

Remember we are not product of the past, so let close the door of past and not to open it again, or should I say “do not fish” at this lake since it is heavily polluted.

I wanted you to take look at one of scenes was taken out from Flashpoint comic storyline:

Reserve Flash is one of most deadly villains in The Flash universe, he wanted to do anything to destroy Barry Allen and all of his loved ones.  Reserve Flash wants to remind Barry Allen aka The Flash about his past life and his poor decision.  Reserve Flash reflects much like Satan.  Satan is known as the accuser and wants to remind you of your past filled with regrets.

Do not let it happen to you!  You are the product of the present and future, so let change be made and it starts with YOU! Healing is long-term journey, it is NOT like express lane or overnight change.   It takes time.  Seek God with whole of your heart and be honest with yourself.