Are you Forgiving (or Prefers Tormenting) Yourself?

Nothing can make your life better and be at peace until you understand the true purpose of forgiveness.  The opposite of forgiveness is bitterness.

Are you being in prison of bitterness?

Are you anger at yourself?

Do you blame yourself for allowing yourself into a situation you are supposed not to be there?

Do you spend most of your life blaming others for making who you are?

Do you blame others for poor choices and decisions?

List going on!

In the season finale of Arrow Season Five, Slade Wilson aka Deathstroke made unbelievable return!  Yes, believe it or not!  It blows me away!

If you are unfamiliar with Deathstroke, he was one of anti-heroes/villains in the DC Comics Universe.  He first appeared in DC Comics in New Teen Titans issue number two in 1980. In Arrow TV Series, he first appeared in season one and played a large role in season two.  He is responsible for death of mother of Oliver Queen aka Arrow!  Really?  Yes!  He killed her!  It occurred in Season two episode number twenty.  It happened in front of Oliver Queen and his sister Thea Queen.

In season one, before Slade Wilson became Deathstroke he was allied and mentor for Oliver Queen in the flashback story before he became Arrow until the specific incident had truly enraged Slade (he was injected with an experimental Mirakuru serum after a near-fatal accident).   Slade was assumed to be dead, but later returned in season two in blood lust quest in seeking to destroy Arrow because what he did on an island in flashback story.  He was still injected with Mirakuru serum which turned him in different person.  It’s where he killed Arrow’s mother.  It’s a story of war between Arrow and Deathstroke.

Things changed between them because Deathstroke is no longer injected with Mirakuru serum because it’s worn out already and he’s back to his normal self.   He was kept in prison for years before Arrow came and seek his assistance.

One scene blew me off (Deathstroke knew he took responsibility for what he did to Arrow’s mother and did unfortunate damage to Arrow)…

Something made the difference between Arrow and Deathstroke:

Arrow: My past is coming back to haunt me.

Deathstroke: Seems to be a recurring theme with you, kid.

Arrow: Don’t know why.

Deathstroke: Well, it’s not really that complicated. You suffer from survivor’s guilt. You can’t get over the death of your father.

Arrow: Adrian Chase has nothing to do with my father.

Deathstroke: Kid, when it comes to you, everything has to do with your father. You and I are not dissimilar. We are both haunted by our pasts, and the only way to bury that ghost is by forgiving yourself.

Arrow: Forgiving myself for what?

Deathstroke: You blame yourself for your father’s suicide and everything else that has gone wrong since. You need to forgive yourself for your sins.

Arrow: You say that like it’s easy.

Deathstroke: It’s the hardest thing in this world.

Are you willing to forgive yourself for what you did to others no matter how serious it is! If refuse, then you are tormenting yourself!  You will let the past control you when you “rewind” your own life in the past.

I have heard countless statements from those who are tormenting themselves up as they said:

I should not…..

I wish I could do something…

I am dumb for getting myself in this kind situation…

Why did I put myself in this position where I knew it is wrong…

List going on!

All of those statements are putting yourself in a prison of bitterness!

One of my dear friends who I have been associated with at an alcoholic anonymous meeting and he used to tell me with very sharp and blunt statement (He told me in 2014):

If you look in past, then it is game over!  It is like trying to tell a horse to ride backward! 

He was right and I realized I have to move on so you need to do the same thing!  It is because I was having hard of letting go of one specific situation!

Jesus said forgiveness is central to spiritual growth and it will bring peace and new insight in the presence of God.

Bitterness is very dangerous!  It was spoken louder in the book of Hebrews as it said:

 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. ~Hebrews 12:15 (NLT)

So do not let your bitterness become poisonous and virus upon others, if you do then you will create negative vibes upon others and it will do much more damage than you think!

Forgiving yourself is one of most painful things you can do before you finally can move on, TRUST ME I have been there, I always hated myself for what I did to my former wife (my first marriage) and those people who been dear to me.  I was never proud of what I did in the past, but I finally learn to find true peace in Jesus so I had to forgive myself and I can truly love myself for who I am.  It is because God made who I am.   God does not define who I am by past because I am redeemed by Jesus so I am making as brand new in God’s eyes as I am His child!

If you are still angered about the past, and please think for a moment how much your anger affects your family members, friends, or co-workers and did you see any difference? Think about it.  So therefore do not let the past haunt you instead let it be your lessons so you can make a bright future with the eyes of God!

“Thirteen Reasons Why” Are Simply Painful Lesson!

“I do not TRUST you.”

“You are trouble maker!  All of us are doing fine until you showed up and you make a lot of problem!”

“You are SO SNEAKY, and I can see you!”

“You need to move your desk by wall because you are always getting other students into problem!”

All of those are silent and deadly cruelty words being said toward me by one teacher for the Deaf as I just recently entered into seventh grade at Dallastown Middle School in 1985.  She have no idea what was coming to me, my parents just got divorced in 1984 and I missed my father so much as he is more than 3,000 miles away from me in West Coast.  Even I was not trouble maker, I was wandering and being very confused in attempt to making an adjust in fit to new lifestyle in central of Pennsylvania.   The environment and lifestyle are VERY MUCH different from Southern California.  I was trying to find connection in students at school.  The teacher are being so cruelty and not being so empahtic toward my situation.

Watching The Thirteen Reasons Why TV series was one of most painful lessons.  God brought me back to the road of memories and wanted me to jog the memories which I buried for LONG time.   I was bullied and been falsely accused for doing something I never did.  The feeling of hatred returned to me, God was showing me it is time to prune my hidden hatred for this teacher who did things to me.  Even to make matter worse, there are one student who are very popular at Dallastown Middle School had call all students to follow him in homemade gesture as he was saying to me:

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

I stood motionless and being so defenseless

I went home, I never shared things to my mom and my step-father, I kept all those to myself.  Even one student tried to get white Deaf students to follow him in saying: “Ku Klux Klan” but fortunately Deaf students will not follow him.

What did those did good to me?  It WRECKED my self-esteem and all I wanted to call my father and tell him what they did to me!   

Bully is DEADLY weapon to self-esteem is it cool? NO!  What do you think?  Think HARDER before you say it!

Little YOU DID realize that your action of bullying toward others will affects their souls for years to come which will brings the sense of hatred, anger, and bitterness.

I had been fighting with demons inside me due to alcoholism for 11 years because my self esteem was ultimately DESTROYED due to years of being bullied based on my character and even my disabilities.  Someone would make fun of my odd walking!  Little they did realized I was diagnosed with mild cerebral palsy!

To make matter much worst, I wanted to kill myself because I was seeing myself as worthless and useless  because I was defined by those people who sees unworthy in me!

Bully is EVERYWHERE and is very UNCOOL & UNCALLED FOR!

Finding my life in Jesus have taught me about forgiveness and letting it go of all years of living in anger, hatred and bitterness.  I used to think and plot a vengeance against those who hurts me badly but God reminds me about importance of forgiveness will bring peace and joy in my soul.   Plotting vengeance will bring NOTHING good out of you, but it will make much worse than you think as it will do much harmful toward others, trust me!

I am thankful Jesus breathed new life in me!

It is why forgiveness is central of your spiritual growth in eyes of God as Jesus shared parable about unforgiving debtor:

Jesus replied, “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.

“The kingdom of God is like a king who decided to square accounts with his servants. As he got under way, one servant was brought before him who had run up a debt of a hundred thousand dollars. He couldn’t pay up, so the king ordered the man, along with his wife, children, and goods, to be auctioned off at the slave market.

“The poor wretch threw himself at the king’s feet and begged, ‘Give me a chance and I’ll pay it all back.’ Touched by his plea, the king let him off, erasing the debt.

 “The servant was no sooner out of the room when he came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him ten dollars. He seized him by the throat and demanded, ‘Pay up. Now!’

“The poor wretch threw himself down and begged, ‘Give me a chance and I’ll pay it all back.’ But he wouldn’t do it. He had him arrested and put in jail until the debt was paid. When the other servants saw this going on, they were outraged and brought a detailed report to the king.

 “The king summoned the man and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave your entire debt when you begged me for mercy. Shouldn’t you be compelled to be merciful to your fellow servant who asked for mercy?’ The king was furious and put the screws to the man until he paid back his entire debt. And that’s exactly what my Father in heaven is going to do to each one of you who doesn’t forgive unconditionally anyone who asks for mercy.”
Matthew 18:22-35 (MSG)

So did it ring you?

Sound annoying about unforgiving debtor?  How about you?  Are you refusing to forgive others because what they did to you?

Refusal of forgiving others will bring cancer in your spiritual growth.

Encourage let it go!

Inner healing do not happens quickly it takes time.  Spiritual growth is a journey as we will prune whatever is hindering our healthy spiritual growth!

Let it go is BEST thing will happen to your life, it will bring peace in your soul!

Being Unbroken Is A True Character Growth!

For years, I have watched numerous movies and read books on military stories which are based on the actual true event, I am always familiar with the storyline was played until I saw Unbroken, which was directed by well known actress, Angelina Jolie.  This film brought me more tears than any films I have seen in the past.  It is something differs from any true military stories because it’s a personal journey story where it gives us hope when dealing in period of living in darkness.

It was all about Louis “Louie” Zamperini, he used to be a rebellious boy before he became a big time runner for his local high school & University of Southern California and also he competed in 1936 U.S. Olympics in Berlin, Germany during the Third Reich, which was called Nazi Germany under the power of Adolf Hitler.   He enlisted in the United States Army Air Corps in September 1941, which was the beginning of his true-life journey into being an unbroken man.  He was badly tormented during being prisoner of the war (POW) by Imperial Japan Army during World War II especially under Mutsuhiro “Bird” Watanabe, an Imperial Japan Army sergeant who served at POW camps in Omori, Naoetsu.  He became a strong man after being frequently tormented at POW camps.  The story of Louis Zamperini is wholly based on three major points: forgiven, strength, and victory in the presence of God.

This film has great metaphor based on our spiritual life journey in the presence of God.  God used this film to teach me something, which increase my understanding about how Jesus Christ took my ugly life on the cross in order to give me new life.  Let me share the verse, which was told by prophet Isaiah which was already fulfilled through Jesus Christ:

“… He was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.” ~ Isaiah 53:5 (NLT)

Jesus was the perfectly unbroken man, even he was badly tormented and being whipped, but it did not stop him from giving in.  He continued being unbroken for us, so he can give us another chance for new life in the presence of God.  Jesus was denied by his close friend, Peter and been betrayed by Judas in exchange for money by snobbish religious leaders.  He was badly mocked & insult in the presence of the council of religious leaders.  So therefore none of them broken him into piece because he stood up and took the whole of our withered souls with him; it is because of His Father’s amazing everlasting love for his people.  It is because God has great passion is having personal intimacy relationship with EACH of his beloved child through Jesus.

The death and resurrection of Jesus, which truly completes the true unbroken journey.   So therefore it brought the major final victory over the evil one, Satan.  Jesus’ resurrection gave us another chance for new life according to Paul’s words as he addressed to the city of Corinth:

“… Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)

I would like to provide with a bit of exegesis on 2 Corinthians 5:17: ‘A true Christians are brand-new people on the inside.  The Holy Spirit gives them new life, and they are not the same anymore. We are not reformed, rehabilitated, or reeducated – we are re-created (new creations), living  in vital union with Christ according to Colossians 2:6-7 ~ “… Now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.”   Not only are believers changed from within, but a whole new order of creative energy began with Christ.  There is a new covenant, a new perspective, a new body, and a new church.’

New creation in Christ will bring us into new dimensions in new understanding about living for God, even it takes us into the darkness where we will be truly unbroken for God.  It is because we become the light in the darkness.  Jesus is the true light as John said in 1:5 (NLT):

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.”

During one scene in this film, Unbroken where Louis Zamperini struggled and fought for his life as he tried to keep up in holding the large piece of tree trunk because he was told if he drop then he will be shot to death.  It is because the Imperial Japan Army sergeant, Mutsuhiro “Bird” Watanabe decided to do something very unthinkable in challenging Louis to see how far he are capable of holding a large piece of tree trunk it is because he was truly angered at Louis because he remain firm despite being beaten many times and was hoping Louis will be broken.  When Louis succeeds in holding the large piece of tree trunk to the high.  The sergeant Watanabe shouted at Louis, “do not look at me!” It is because his mission in getting Louis being broken was uttered in failure.

This scene was great example when we are being uttered in darkness as no matter how it gets deeper, there will be certain people in the darkness will find a way to destroy our character based on jealousy, obsession about our flaws in our past life, and bitterness.

It is no wonder Louis Zamperini made stunning quotes as he said:

“A minute of pain is worth a lifetime of glory.”

“You can’t let anything get you down.”

“Never give up. No matter what.”

“Where there’s still life, there’s still hope.”

“A minute of pain is worth a lifetime of glory.”

On November 29, 2012 is the day that changed my life forever when I opened the door of darkness where it took me I thought I will never go there.  During two years of living in darkness, I had to deal with many insults and false accusations as for all of those are in an attempt to break down my new character and identity in Christ was being built.

I does recalled one of those members of the Deaf Community of Massachusetts told one specific Deaf group (I cannot give details because I am protecting this information out of respect and everything was in God’s hands), “Mark my word, Michael will relapse into alcoholism and nothing good will come out of him.” This person said in late Summer of 2013.  When I found out, it broke my heart, but it does not stop me from going further in becoming a brand new man for God.  God is very good to me and continue to provide me with amazing strength to maintain my sobriety since I first became sober on 12/3/12.

I got to admit I has experienced of being tormented by someone similar how the Imperial Japan Army sergeant, Mutsuhiro “Bird” Watanabe did to Louis Zamperini in an attempt to get me down.  I got numerous of very cruel messages via texting, email and even was slammed in my face in an attempt to destroy my beautiful new life in Christ by bringing up all old flaws in my old characters and calling me as worthless and useless man.  All of those unkind words did break my heart, but it did not stop me, so I was determined at all cost to keep my faith in God, even I received numerous confirmation messages from God through those true friends who knew that God is working on transforming me into godly man which reflect the true Christlikeness love, grace, and compassion.

Are you willing to become unbroken for God? The true journey begins at the end of the comfort zone which will bring you into a new person in the eyes of God.