Truth Behind 11/27/12 Is Revealed…

Why did it happen to me?

All year I tried harder to be a better person, but there are ALWAYS obstacles in front of me!

Someone is trying to destroy my passion to do great things for God!

I worked harder to prove myself, but you saw nothing in me!

Why me? It is your fault! You are the one who turns my life into a hellhole!

I do not have anywhere to go and now look at me!

It is all those bitterness and full of anger was boiling inside me after I lost everything on November 27, 2012. My ex wife, Lori left me with no clue. When she left at 715am she gave me kiss and said goodbye.   A few hours later, I got a message from my pastor Michael Williams from Sovereign Grace Community Church, as he wanted to see me right away. I came to office, even I was very drunk after consuming large amounts of rum.

I will never forget the facial expression of Michael William, he was showing me kindness, courtesy and being in full of gracious attitude. At the same time, he was having a difficult time passing the message as he said:

“Lori is not coming back, you have a slim chance to get her back…!”

Everything I built and struggled to get myself better has been collapsed into pieces.

I will never forget the facial expression of assistant pastor Craig Gabel, he was speechless and he was looking down and will not look into my own wounding soul. Michael continued trying to calm my rumbling soul. He encouraged me not to text Lori or makes an attempt to contact her. I was ordered to stay away from her. Michael asked me, “Did you have too much to drink? You are driving the rental car to get here, you need to be careful.”

The next moment I can remember it went into the black all I can remember after my meeting with the pastor and assistant pastor. I walked furiously to the rental car and I drove through downtown of Boston, I began to lost balance of driving the rental car and I let it slam on one of parked cars caused the rental car’s passenger mirror side to fall apart.   I was doing on the true intention to get myself killed because I was completely unhappy with my life and was facing losing everything.

I cared less for the rental car’s passenger mirror side because all I wanted to go home; I parked the rental car in Zip Car parking lot near Malden Station MBTA station then walked for another fifteen minutes to my old apartment in Malden, Massachusetts.

I continued to drown into a bottle of rum.   The darkness ascended upon me and I texted madly to many people who I know and told them I do not know what to do next.  I called my mom and my former father in law and told them the truth about the collapse of my marriage as Lori and I are going into separate path.

I looked at God with internal anger and do not know what to say next to God.

All I can remember was sitting on the sofa and been motionless for many hours to come.  I hardly can get good sleep.

Little I did realize God was going to do something better and have bigger plan for me!

Stay tuned for part two on 12/3/12.

 

Being Humble Creates True Growth In Your Life

I DESERVED IT!

Look at my qualifications and I have everything and please get me in!

Why did you reject me even I am so good and I possess talents beyond your expectation!

I did everything and you still do not get it and I am nothing good to you even I held great potential in life.

I truly guarantee that you would feel that way when you possesses talents, it is when you felt are not being recognized.  I got to admit it, I am one of them and how unfortunate it is.   It is painful feeling and never easy!  I would like to share something.

A week ago, I went to see Spider-Man: Homecoming movie at the theatre and I was so STOKED about this movie for two reasons: Spider-Man is my old time favorite since I was a boy and also it is finally connected back into Marvel Cinematic Universe after legal battle with Sony over Spider-Man movie franchise since Sony still own the right to make Spider-Man movies.

Before I can say about this movie, it will have a minor spoiler alert.   This movie took place after The Avengers Part One storyline (2012), and pre and post Captain America: Civil War storyline (2016).

One scene in this movie hits me so hard when Tony Stark aka Iron Man had sort of, “Father-Son” conversation with Peter Parker aka Spider-Man.

Tony Stark: What is somebody had died? That’s on you.  What if you had died? That’s on me.  I don’t need that guilt on my conscience.  I’m gonna need the suit back.

Peter Parker: For how long?

Tony Stark: For ever!

Peter Parker: I’ nothing without the suit!

Tony Stark: If you’re nothing without suit, then you shouldn’t have it!

(The dialogue between Tony and Peter took place after the incident with ferry boat where main villain, Vulture and his goons are on where Spider-Man thought he could handle himself but little did he realized it can kill numerous passengers on ferry boat).

Tony realized Peter had much to learn!  Tony thought Peter was unteachable and he had to do something about it!  He had to teach Peter, lesson and prove himself!

This scene blew me off because it made me think of the Christians who are in an untrained ministry position in sharing God’s Word, which turned into legalistic viewpoint even misinterpreted and misled on God’s Word where there is no training involved in understanding God’s Word.

So is you Peter Parker?  Tony knew Peter need to focus on himself as Peter Parker not as Spider-Man before he can be true Spider-Man.

One scene from Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones where there is a conversation between Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala which ETCHED me:

Anakin Skywalker: Master Obi-Wan manages not to see it. Do not get me wrong, Obi-Wan is a great mentor.  As wise as Master Yoda as powerful as Master Windu. I am truly thankful to be his apprentice.  In some ways—a lot of ways—I’m really ahead of him. I am ready for the trials… but he feels that I’m too unpredictable. He won’t let me move on.

Padme Amidala: That must be frustrating.

Anakin Skywalker: It’s worse.  He overly critical.  He never listens.  He—He doesn’t understand. It’s not fair!

Padme Amidala: All mentors have a way of seeing more of our faults than we would like. It’s the only way we grow.

Anakin Skywalker (Sighs): I know.

Padme Amidala: Anakin. Don’t try to grow up too fast.

Anakin Skywalker and Peter Parker shared similar frustration, however Peter Parker takes himself into action to prove himself to Tony Stark aka Iron Man.  It is where Anakin Skywalker did not, he let anger and bitterness took over it is where he has fallen into dark path.  The answer: Darth Vader, no further explanation needed!

Why did Anakin and Peter rushed into action and think they are capable of managing their own superpower?  The answer is simple, PRIDE!

Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall. ~ Proverbs 16:18 (NLT)

Pride is the attitude of showing is all about ME! Look at my ability and I am capable of doing it!  List going on!  “ME” attitude, lack mentorship and discipline.  Obi-Wan Kenobi and Tony Stark are considered a wise veteran, who held many year experience of handling the crisis.

How does it apply to spiritual growth in Christianity?  When it comes to Bible study, we need to be extra careful on how we interpret on what the verse is saying to us.  We often pull out the verse out of context and misinterpreted, which caused great misunderstanding.  So we need to seek help in understanding the Holy Bible better by being a listener and do the journaling to jot our thought in understanding what it will apply to our spiritual growth.  We need to sit down and listen to wise teachers, pastors, preachers, and even mature Christians who want to help us and feeds us with God’s Word.

I heard PLENTY of those like to say:

I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW HOW TO DO IT! 

Almost ten years ago, I was in training for mental health social worker, and the trainer was teaching me on how to document the important information in computer concerning daily activity of clients.  I keep telling the trainer, “I know” repeatedly.

In following next day in the morning, trainer privately emailed me with a very chilling message as he said:

If you keep saying I know that means you do not wants to learn anything!

This message truly haunted me even since!

It is no wonder Anakin had conceit attitude and he thinks he is ahead of his Jedi Master Kenobi, look at his statement again:

In some ways—a lot of ways—I’m really ahead of him. I am ready for the trials… but he feels that I’m too unpredictable. He won’t let me move on.

His attitude and behavior have turned himself into Lord Vader!  Peter Parker had similar ways as Spider-Man it is why Iron Man had to do something to teach Peter an expensive lesson in order to protect Peter from doing something will haunt Iron Man.

So we need to be careful and be willing to learn in understanding how God’s Word can apply to our spiritual growth and work on our flaws in our life before we can share with others.

“Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.” ~ Proverbs 13:3 (NLT)

It is nothing wrong to be overexcite about what we have learned and understood on what will give great benefit in our life, but we need to be careful not to rush into things where we are not trained to go there yet!

Uncanny X-Men Echoes Deaf World!

Oppression is no excuse for vengeance — for murder. I wonder… does the death of innocent people — cut down on the streets as they flee — free you? I think not. ~ Professor X from page of X-Men.

Professor X has a strong vision of seeing mutants and humanity living together in peace.

Magento saw humanity as great oppression upon mutants, so therefore humanity needs serious treatment.

Believe it or not, Professor X and Magento were once close friends until their view of human-mutant relations became incompatible which was the beginning of rivalry between them.

Professor X found X-Mansion,  Xavier Institute for Higher Learning (it used to be Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters.   It was the true intention to nourish the new mutants who are feeling being “outcast” in the world.  It is where the X-Men began!

Magneto went on his own path and found the Brotherhood of Mutants, originally known as the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.

Both of them share the same passion: their great love for mutants and ensure they are in their safe environment setting.

For years, I learn to appreciate the X-Men universe. Somehow I was reading one of the major storylines told by Marvel Comics called “House of M” and in issue number five of House of M, where Wolverine became victim of an altered timeline as it was caused by Scarlet Witch, daughter of Magneto. It’ where mutants are governing the world. So, I wanted you to take look at this one below:

Did you see what Wolverine said? Let’s focus on that statement he made:

I lived in a world where mutants were minorities, and the X-Men worked to build a peaceful coexistence between the growing mutant population and regular people… who never seem to run out of reasons to be terrified of us.

Did it ring you as being a Deaf person (Note to hearing people it applies to you too, because you might have something else than being Deaf person)?

Often of us experienced being oppressed in two different ways, true intention and non-intention. Being oppressed in non-intention is due to being ignorance and lack of being educated about an individual who is living as a Deaf person. For true intention, they knew it and cannot trust a Deaf person to do anything except able to hear!
How do you feel when you are being oppressed?

Fumed up?
Wanted to seek legal action against them?
They are REALLY IGNORANCE!
They cannot understand that I cannot read lips!
List going on, I can relate to you, smile!

Should I take up the personality of Magento? He has a depth of sense of hatred for humanity for mistreating mutants.

Magneto echoes “Deaf” militants! He doesn’t want to do anything with humanity! So are you seeing majority as a threat to your community because of their oppression?!

Should I say it’s better to take up the personality of Professor X since he believe in peacemaking between mutants and humanity!  Professor X will do anything to educate those who are truly ignorant about the importance of understanding that mutant are normal as human.  Also Professor X wanted to encourage those mutants to use their power wisely in helping those people.   

So do you want to be in Professor X or Magento’s camp?

It’s your choice!

Remember your attitude matters!

I prefer to be in Professor X’s camp! Before you say anything about who I am! I’m so proud of who I am! I’m thankful God created me to be Deaf person and see Deaf culture and its language: American Sign Language as part of my identity. I used to have bitterness against those who oppressed and discriminated upon me in the past. More I learned as I get older that I realized people who don’t understand Deaf are simply lacking the education about Deaf communities. 

Let your identity be in Christ and Christ is the King of Peace.  

Carrying the attitude of militant will cause to develop the division within Deaf communities where there is no peace within.

You are forgetting about one thing if you are occupied with militant attitude, they are WATCHING you!

Of course, all of us have different goals, visions and perspective. Remember, you cannot paint someone to be someone else. God sees an individual with its own unique personality! God doesn’t see Deaf as Broken person, God sees it as normal and beautiful in His own eyes. So therefore God wanted all of hearing people to understand and learn about the uniqueness of Deaf communities. Same as for us as Deaf people learn about uniqueness what differing from us!  

So therefore God created us and we are His beautiful children whom believe in Him through Jesus our Lord. 

Don’t let oppression and discrimination destroy who you have instead educated those who need to see us as not broken people! 

Apostle Paul wrote letter to communities of Galatia:

“There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus. And now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children of Abraham. You are his heirs, and God’s promise to Abraham belongs to you.” -Galatians 3:28-29 (NLT) 

We are all one in Christ.  None of us are outcast in eyes of God.  

NOT ME! NOT ME!

On one of beautiful late morning of Sundays, I was reading one of Locke & Key issues which was published by IDW Comic.  Locke & Key was one of best horror comic stories! I was flipping through issue of Locke & Key as my wife Sunflower was driving in deep forest somewhere on base of Fort Bragg in North Carolina.

Something caught my attention, I shouted to myself, “That’s it”

Sunflower was giving me kind of “huh” facial expression!

“Perfect for me to do blogging on that one!”

I scanned perfect picture of what I am seeing:

Does it rings me? You betcha!

Does it ring you also?

You need to ask YOURSELF!  I have PLENTY of stories to tell you about how HIDEOUS man I am!  I am MAN with too many secrets!  I always found a way to hid the bottle of rum, it is my self-medicating for my unbearable pain!  Looking at this picture above brought back painful memories where someone whom have been once dearly to me found my behavior very erratic.

Wanted to know one of my darkest secrets?  I stole PLENTY of money from those people even strangers so I can use their money to feed my addiction by making numerous trip to liquor store and get supersize bottle of rum.  Yes I am very sickening man!   I managed to manipulate those people who have been dearly to give me money or even let me manage their money.  I even deceived someone who have been dearly to me for many years that I will take care of grocery shopping but I managed to find a way to get cash back after paying groceries, so I can use those cash to get bottle of rum!

Another sickening thing I can share when there was big party at ballroom in honoring my old family friends.  I managed to sneaked into coat room and checked for cashes in their coats and jackets.  I raked in many dollars.  What did I do with it, GET darn bottle of rum!

I was HOPELESS man and I managed to hid a lot of those bottles of rum everywhere in my apartment when I used to live in Boston area.

Picture above remind me of unexplainable grace of God who found a way in my life and pulled me away by stripped everything have been meaningful in my life.  My sickening behavior was brought to light.

No wonder Jesus was very clear about sinful behavior will be brought to light as he said:

For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all.~Luke 8:17 (NLT)

Make sense?  I recall when being alcoholic addict, I always came up with many fable stories in order to make an excuse for my immersion into alcoholism and also I keep saying to myself and others:

“I do not have any problem with drinking and I am not alcoholic addict!  SO NOT ME! Look at me, I managed to go work and do things fine.”

I was deceiving myself and little I did realized those people who are around me KNEW my well-being appearance are seriously deteriorating!  It is because I let booze WRECKED who I am.  I lost myself, and engaged myself into false fantasies and denied the reality!

Jesus was very clear about what he said in Luke 8:17.  Also King David mentioned about hiding sinful deeds which is like cancer to the soul in eyes of God, it is sapping the strength of spiritual growth as he mentioned it in book of Psalms.

I can relate much to an Apostle Paul as he said:

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength to do his work. He considered me trustworthy and appointed me to serve him,  even though I used to blaspheme the name of Christ. In my insolence, I persecuted his people. But God had mercy on me because I did it in ignorance and unbelief.  Oh, how generous and gracious our Lord was! He filled me with the faith and love that come from Christ Jesus.  This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”—and I am the worst of them all.  But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life.  All honor and glory to God forever and ever! He is the eternal King, the unseen one who never dies; he alone is God. Amen. ~ 1 Timothy 1:12-17 (NLT)

Yes,  I destroyed those people who loves me and used them to feed my addiction until Jesus walked into my life once again on 12/3/12 when I looked at bottle of rum and said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and time to do something with my life.

Jesus and I have been walking even since….

No matter how hopeless situation you are in…there is still a HOPE in Jesus!

“Thirteen Reasons Why” Are Simply Painful Lesson!

“I do not TRUST you.”

“You are trouble maker!  All of us are doing fine until you showed up and you make a lot of problem!”

“You are SO SNEAKY, and I can see you!”

“You need to move your desk by wall because you are always getting other students into problem!”

All of those are silent and deadly cruelty words being said toward me by one teacher for the Deaf as I just recently entered into seventh grade at Dallastown Middle School in 1985.  She have no idea what was coming to me, my parents just got divorced in 1984 and I missed my father so much as he is more than 3,000 miles away from me in West Coast.  Even I was not trouble maker, I was wandering and being very confused in attempt to making an adjust in fit to new lifestyle in central of Pennsylvania.   The environment and lifestyle are VERY MUCH different from Southern California.  I was trying to find connection in students at school.  The teacher are being so cruelty and not being so empahtic toward my situation.

Watching The Thirteen Reasons Why TV series was one of most painful lessons.  God brought me back to the road of memories and wanted me to jog the memories which I buried for LONG time.   I was bullied and been falsely accused for doing something I never did.  The feeling of hatred returned to me, God was showing me it is time to prune my hidden hatred for this teacher who did things to me.  Even to make matter worse, there are one student who are very popular at Dallastown Middle School had call all students to follow him in homemade gesture as he was saying to me:

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

I stood motionless and being so defenseless

I went home, I never shared things to my mom and my step-father, I kept all those to myself.  Even one student tried to get white Deaf students to follow him in saying: “Ku Klux Klan” but fortunately Deaf students will not follow him.

What did those did good to me?  It WRECKED my self-esteem and all I wanted to call my father and tell him what they did to me!   

Bully is DEADLY weapon to self-esteem is it cool? NO!  What do you think?  Think HARDER before you say it!

Little YOU DID realize that your action of bullying toward others will affects their souls for years to come which will brings the sense of hatred, anger, and bitterness.

I had been fighting with demons inside me due to alcoholism for 11 years because my self esteem was ultimately DESTROYED due to years of being bullied based on my character and even my disabilities.  Someone would make fun of my odd walking!  Little they did realized I was diagnosed with mild cerebral palsy!

To make matter much worst, I wanted to kill myself because I was seeing myself as worthless and useless  because I was defined by those people who sees unworthy in me!

Bully is EVERYWHERE and is very UNCOOL & UNCALLED FOR!

Finding my life in Jesus have taught me about forgiveness and letting it go of all years of living in anger, hatred and bitterness.  I used to think and plot a vengeance against those who hurts me badly but God reminds me about importance of forgiveness will bring peace and joy in my soul.   Plotting vengeance will bring NOTHING good out of you, but it will make much worse than you think as it will do much harmful toward others, trust me!

I am thankful Jesus breathed new life in me!

It is why forgiveness is central of your spiritual growth in eyes of God as Jesus shared parable about unforgiving debtor:

Jesus replied, “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.

“The kingdom of God is like a king who decided to square accounts with his servants. As he got under way, one servant was brought before him who had run up a debt of a hundred thousand dollars. He couldn’t pay up, so the king ordered the man, along with his wife, children, and goods, to be auctioned off at the slave market.

“The poor wretch threw himself at the king’s feet and begged, ‘Give me a chance and I’ll pay it all back.’ Touched by his plea, the king let him off, erasing the debt.

 “The servant was no sooner out of the room when he came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him ten dollars. He seized him by the throat and demanded, ‘Pay up. Now!’

“The poor wretch threw himself down and begged, ‘Give me a chance and I’ll pay it all back.’ But he wouldn’t do it. He had him arrested and put in jail until the debt was paid. When the other servants saw this going on, they were outraged and brought a detailed report to the king.

 “The king summoned the man and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave your entire debt when you begged me for mercy. Shouldn’t you be compelled to be merciful to your fellow servant who asked for mercy?’ The king was furious and put the screws to the man until he paid back his entire debt. And that’s exactly what my Father in heaven is going to do to each one of you who doesn’t forgive unconditionally anyone who asks for mercy.”
Matthew 18:22-35 (MSG)

So did it ring you?

Sound annoying about unforgiving debtor?  How about you?  Are you refusing to forgive others because what they did to you?

Refusal of forgiving others will bring cancer in your spiritual growth.

Encourage let it go!

Inner healing do not happens quickly it takes time.  Spiritual growth is a journey as we will prune whatever is hindering our healthy spiritual growth!

Let it go is BEST thing will happen to your life, it will bring peace in your soul!

God do not call me CRAZY!

Being Christian means I follow Jesus not how people defines who I am in God’s eyes.

Christians are suppose to give comforting and encouraging words.

Did they?  They breeds more bullying, unlovable and hatred words.

Did God told them?  Did Jesus breeds the words that goes against the worthy and unique of humankind?

No He did not!

Simply he came on earth to touch those wounded heart with His an AMAZING LOVE!

Many Christians failed to follow His example of touching those wounded hearts.

Am I crazy?  Am I being cursed by God because of living with mental illness since I was diagnosed with Manic-Depression and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder!

Jesus sat down and gave me warm words:

I understand you and I love you.

It is what was spoke to my heart.

What happen to today’s churches, they are too busy trying to say how much God bless them and attempt to “savory” others about how good pastor of the church is! Aren’t church suppose to be place for wounded souls where there are plenty of love, grace, kindness, compassion, and mercy toward those are are much unfortunate people!

Dealt in deadly battle with alcoholism, mental illness, and unsafe behavior pattern have left me become less and less worth in presence of people.  They are busy saying bad things about me.  They tried to tell me:

Stop drinking too much!
You are always drunk!
You are hurting others too much!
You are sick man!
What’s wrong with you!?!?!

List going on, are there any loving and comforting words involved? NONE, however there are very few Christian friends took their time to try understand me.  I said again…VERY FEW of them!

What church failed to see what Peter and John did with one man who is trying to find something in his own soul:

One day Peter and John went to the Temple at three o’clock, the time set each day for the afternoon prayer service.  There, at the Temple gate called Beautiful Gate, was a man who had been crippled all his life. Every day he was carried to this gate to beg for money from the people going into the Temple.   The man saw Peter and John going into the Temple and asked them for money.  Peter and John looked straight at him and said, “Look at us!”  The man looked at them, thinking they were going to give him some money.  But Peter said, “I don’t have any silver or gold, but I do have something else I can give you. By the power of Jesus Christ from Nazareth, stand up and walk!”  Then Peter took the man’s right hand and lifted him up. Immediately the man’s feet and ankles became strong.  He jumped up, stood on his feet, and began to walk. He went into the Temple with them, walking and jumping and praising God.  All the people recognized him as the crippled man who always sat by the Beautiful Gate begging for money. Now they saw this same man walking and praising God, and they were amazed. They wondered how this could happen. ~ Acts 3:1-10 (NCV)

Did you see how Peter and John handled the situation, they was very determined to look at this man’s wounded soul than to enable him in do whatever he wants to do with money if he was offered with money.

Did church follow the example of Peter and John?  Frankly, I would say VERY FEW of them until you PROVE ME WRONG!

I admit I always thought I was sickening man who have been living with addiction in alcoholism and been engaged in many unsafe behavior.  I always blamed on myself as I thought to myself I am worthless, evil, and useless person.  It is because I took the definition of my identity from those society even church.  I was hopeless human being who have been extremely exhausted in fighting to try do good things but always goes wrong way.  All of those I felt that way in 2012 and I was fighting for my own life.

My stay at Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary have taught me something where I never learned in past, God is very gracious and loving God who wanted to take care of me.  I was given verse:

“The Lord your God is with you;
    the mighty One will save you.
He will rejoice over you.
    You will rest in his love;
    he will sing and be joyful about you.”~ Zephaniah 3:17 (NCV)

Did God calls me crazy?  HECK NO!  God is madly in love with me!  I am His worthy and unique child!

Christians need to take example what Jesus did to wounded hearts with gentle words filled with love and kindness.  Unfortunately, they are busy saying bad things and how they rebelled against God even would say how crazy we are!

You have NO idea what I went through and the origin behind of my battle with alcoholism also what engaged me into many unsafe behavioral pattern.   You need to learn to listen to their wounded hearts which is filled with unbearable and unspoken pain in their soul.

LEARN to LISTEN to them and UNDERSTAND them.

It is what Jesus wanted you to do….

Show empathy, be compassionate, be gracious, and be lovable toward them!

 

 

Forgiveness 201

Forgive is something people do not truly get it whole!

Do you truly understand what Forgive means?

I would like you to read the parable which was told by none else but the Messiah alone, Jesus himself:

“Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.

“But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’  Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt. But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full. When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.

“That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.” ~ Matthew 18:21-35 (NLT)

Does it ring you?

Something sounds like you have been doing toward others?

Bitterness

Hatred

Fumed up

Grudge

Loathe

Disgust

List going on!

One common I have kept hearing and saw in people’s conversation and their behavior as it was exposed in front of me:

“I already forgive others, but I will never what was done toward me!”

“He/She deserved to be punished for what he/she did to me! I wanted to see he/she suffered same as what was done toward me!”

“If I see this person again and I am going to beat this person.  Also, I wanted this person to feel my pain what was eating me up!”

Many poisonous sayings were exposed in front of me.

So does it mean they truly forgives others?

My answer is no!

They are deceiving themselves.

They failed to do their own spiritual examination.

I wanted you to look at this sentence as Jesus said in v.28-29a: “… when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time.”

This man was forgiven by the king and he chose to carry his own personal grudge AGAINST servant who owed him a lot of MONEY!  Did man understand the true meaning of forgiving?  NO!  He was simply taking advantage of the king’s true love and he chose to abuse the king’s grace.

The word forgive came from Greek name: aphiemi which describe: let go, give up, to remit, & to omit.

So, therefore, we need to understand the true meaning of forgiving. In my previous article, I emphasized that let go is the best medication for your soul which will bring freedom and peace in your life.

I wanted you to keep in your mind if you seek to forgive others for whom you have mistreated them in past and if a person refused to forgive you and you are still free.  It is because you did your part as God witnessed your godly doings which were from God’s true love.  It is no longer your problem it will be God’s responsible for taking care of this person who refused to forgive you.

Forgive is another way of saying, “let move on, so there nothing good left for me so it is worthless to waste on licking up the old wounds from the past because I already seek forgive and even forgive others for what they did to me!”

If you refuse to forgive others, then you are still living in the prison of bitterness.  It will wreck your soul.  Little you did realize it will affect others with your toxic feeling, thought, and reaction. 

One of most dangerous verses I can see as Jesus said in v.35: “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”

If you REFUSE to forgive other then you are not acknowledging the true love came directly from God.  Inner healing is an not overnight change, it takes time but seek God in guiding your heart in doing spiritual examination with blessing counselor, Holy Spirit which is a promise gift as Jesus told about.

God has forgiven all our sins, we should not withholds forgiveness from others.  As we realize how completely Christ has forgiven us, it should produce an attitude of forgiveness toward others. When we don’t forgive others, we are setting ourselves above Christ’s law of love. ~ (Note taken from page 1581 NLT Life Application Study Bible Published by Tyndale)

Forgiving others is the beautiful gift from God because it is express out of true love and it will bring you freedom in your life!

Christianity Needs To Be RE-DEFINED!

… When Jesus was eating supper at Matthew’s house with his close followers, a lot of disreputable characters came and joined them. When the Pharisees saw him keeping this kind of company, they had a fit, and lit into Jesus’ followers. “What kind of example is this from your Teacher, acting cozy with crooks and riffraff?” Jesus, overhearing, shot back, “Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? Go figure out what this Scripture means: ‘I’m after mercy, not religion.’ I’m here to invite outsiders, not coddle insiders.” ~Matthew 9:10-13 (MSG)

 

What is Christianity?

It is all about belief in Jesus Christ and learn to conform to God’s holiness, character, including doing things are acceptable in the eyes of Christians such as going to church, get involved in ministries, giving tithes, saying prayer, and reading the Holy Bible, and memorizing a lot of verses (bonus: even being a Bible Thumper title champion, eh?)  Sound like most common you heard about Christianity right?

Can I ask you, what do Christianity means to you?  According to worldly perspective it is all about belief in the teaching of Jesus Christ.   Let me ask you again (I am pointing my finger at those whom has their heart dedicated to God), what does Christianity means to you?

Can you answer that question?  We failed to understand the foundation of Christianity.  Did the foundation of Christianity provide with an instruction to build a church building?  None of those instruction actually existed there.  Believe it or not!  Jesus simply told his disciples with three main instructions provided as he said:

“All power in heaven and on earth is given to me. So go and make followers of all people in the world. Baptize them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach them to obey everything that I have taught you, and I will be with you always, even until the end of this age.” ~ Matthew 28:18-20 (NCV)

So what are three instructions which Jesus mentioned?  Here it is:

1. Make followers of all people in the world
2. Baptize them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit
3. Teach them to obey everything that I have taught you.

So my question for you, did Jesus create the blueprint of the church building?  None of them was mentioned out of Jesus’ mouth!    The book of Acts documented the early fellowship of followers of Jesus Christ was held at home not church.  The church is translated from the Greek name ekklésia which means belonging to the Lord.  In another saying, it is called the house of the Lord or body of the Lord.  The church itself is not a building.  So who came up with the idea of building a church and make it an assembly of followers of Jesus Christ only?  So credit went to Emperor Constantine (272-337, A.D.) which was called as “Father of the church building!”

Oh really?  Yes, Christianity needs to be RE-DEFINED!   I am not saying church building is the wrong place to seek & worship God among with other believers.  I am saying the church building is actually becoming places of assembly of so called self-righteousness & professing Christians.  Even what becoming great tragic within the church, there are too many gossip & back-stabbing going on and even judging about other brothers and sisters’ flaws in their life outside church.   It is very difficult to find grace-filled Christians in there.  I am not blaming everyone or all churches, but I wanted to remind you that finding true loving people of God are very few within each congregation.

It is why the image of Christianity was seriously damaged, however it was nothing new and there are certain group who gave the Jewish people distorting view of God in Jesus’ time.  Who is certain group?  The answer is a religious leader who carries self-righteousness attitude.  It is why Jesus was deeply annoyed by their belief in God as Jesus said:

“You search the Scriptures because you think they give you eternal life.  But the Scriptures point to me!  Yet you refuse to come to me to receive this life.” ~John 5:39-40 (NLT)

I would like to make an additional in elaborating the true meaning of interpretation of what Jesus said in v. 39-40:

“The religious leaders knew what the Bible said, but failed to apply its words to their lives.  They knew the teachings of the Scriptures, but failed to see the Messiah whom the Scriptures pointed.  They the rules, but missed the Savior.  Entrenched in their own religious system, they refused to let the Son of God change their lives.  Don’t become so involved in “religion” that you miss Christ.” (Commentary note taken from Tyndale Life Application Study Bible: New Living Translation)

Conforming to God’s character in making our life holy in the presence of God is our primary concern as we normally go through a period of regeneration and sanctification.  It is not an express lane or overnight-changing life.  It is a lifetime walk with God.  Unfortunately, in the religious system, the rules have been exaggerated and it created such as man-made rules.  It has created much miserable sense in seeking God, which has caused people to have distorting view of God.  We need to stop making the so called rules to be our primary concern in our spiritual journey in the presence of God.   Let me share my experience, in my twenty years of my walk with God despite there are many bad things happened in my life, but I still keep learning as God, purify my soul to become very lovable, compassion, and gracious person toward others.  I went from being legalistic to grace-filled Christian!

It is why Jesus mentioned about two important things in our spiritual life where he taught us to rely on God daily:

“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you.  Let me teach you, because I am humble, and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” ~Matthew 11:28-29 (NLT)

Commentary on v. 28 & 29~What do Jesus means by heavy burdens?  He was referring to sin, excessive demands of religious leaders (Matthew 23;4 & Acts 15:10), oppression and persecution, and weary in the search for God.  Jesus frees people from all these burdens.  The rest that Jesus promises is love, healing, and peace with God, not the end of all labor.  A relationship with God changes meaningless, wearisome toil into spiritual productivity and purpose (Tyndale Life Application Study Bible: New Living Translation).

Second important thing Jesus said about walking with Him:

“I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing. Anyone who separates from me is deadwood, gathered up and thrown on the bonfire. But if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon. This is how my Father shows who he is—when you produce grapes, when you mature as my disciples.”~John 15:5-8 (MSG)

Jesus emphasized that growth in the presence of God is not an overnight change, it is a lifetime journey.   To produce beautiful garden, it requires much of time involving cultivating, sowing and watering in order to see garden have been well taken care of.   We rely on God’s Word which is living water to our soul!

I have countless of conversation with Christians keep telling me:

“Pastor told me…..”

“I had to do it because Pastor told me.”

“King James Version is only and true bible translation as Pastor told me.”

“It is because my church told me so!”

List going on!

Did I hear anything that they talk about seeking God through the guidance of the Holy Spirit in purifying their soul?  All of us have our own struggles and it requires much of time to seek the truth in the presence of God for better change after receiving Jesus in the heart.

So what about pastor?  Their job is to ensure the congregation’s responsibility to seek God with their whole heart, not to dictate their heart.  The biggest tragic in church, too many of us became victims of spiritual abuse because we have a distorted view of God based on our toxic faith.

The citizens of Berea heard Paul and Silas preached about the Good News and determined to examine and study the Scripture to ensure it was what Paul and Silas preached about.  So therefore citizens did their homework by verifying and confirming to see if Paul and Silas said was true and authentic came directly from God.  It was mentioned in Acts 17:11 as it said:

These people were more willing to listen than the people in Thessalonica. The Bereans were eager to hear what Paul and Silas said and studied the Scriptures every day to find out if these things were true.~Acts 17:11 (NLT)

So what does it mean for you?  Once you listen to sermons or bible lessons and it is YOUR responsibility to seek God and examine Scripture to ensure it is enhancing your spiritual growth in the presence of God.  The pastor is not your god.  The pastor is simply doing work for God by ensuring you guys are well connected to God and have a stable relationship with God daily.

So true walk with Jesus will motivate you to do something will glory the God in sharing God’s love and testimonies than to do something to gain attention from congregation and secular to show you are being good Christian.   The true walk with Jesus, go to within heart FIRST not performing the duties!

“… When you search for me with all your heart, you will find me!”~Jeremiah 29:13 (b) (NLT)

As you seek God with your whole heart and God will get you there in His time!

 

 

The Problem of Easter!

Most of us celebrates Easter in honoring Jesus’ death & resurrection, it happens once a year during Spring time.

Unfortunately, I saw there was a problem concerning celebrating Easter!

I am not here to give a lecture or presentation about the origin of the name, Easter!  I wanted to focus on celebrating the Jesus’ death & resurrection. I saw it as a major problem in modern Christianity! I am not here to be guilt tripper!

I am just simply trying to help you see it as a major problem!

What is the major problem, I am addressing about?

Have you heard about the term, chreaster? 

The true definition of chreaster: 

Those Christians who only show up to religious services on Christmas and Easter.

Ouch!

Is Christian actually a true follower of Jesus Christ, who only attends religious services on Christmas and Easter?  I am going to cover my eyes, and mumbles to myself, “It is not my business to judge their heart, only God can see their true heart!”  My main question, are you truly loyal and full of motivation in the eyes of God’s?

Have you heard others tell you how God have been good to them in their life, but are they actually being honest with themselves?  Is their heart near or distance from God?

Pharisees and teachers of religious law were truly angered by how Jesus and His disciples was not following the tradition based rules.  Jesus blunted at the Pharisees and teachers of religious law as he said:

Isaiah was right when he spoke about you hypocrites. He wrote, ‘These people show honor to me with words, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is worthless. The things they teach are nothing but human rules.’
~ Mark 7:6-7 (NCV)

Seems familiar to you?  God does not want your attendance only on Easter day.  He is much interested in your heart not proof of your attendance.  Going to church does not make you a good Christian in the eyes of God’s.

I have heard plenty of statement made by Christians (or should I said so called “Christian”):

• “I go to church occasion and God knew my heart so it is good enough for me!”
• “I do pray and read the bible, so why should I go to church, it is not necessary for me to go there every Sunday!” 
• “I have a very busy schedule and I am too tired to go to church every Sunday.”
• “Going to church when I can, and God sees it and counts it, so I have nothing to worry about I will go into heaven anyway.”

List going on!

Now let me get down to the point, what is important about the resurrection of Jesus?  Jesus took the cross  because he wanted to give you new life and new hope!  It is not all about only defeating death at the hand of evil one, Satan.  The true purpose of resurrection is to breath new life in the Kingdom of God!

Prophet Isaiah prophesied about the true purpose of the Messiah being on earth:

… He was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins.  He was beaten so we could be whole.  He was whipped so we could be healed.
~Isaiah 53:5 (NLT)

My main question is do chreasters truly understand the true purpose of celebrating the Jesus’ Resurrection day?  Are they trying to show off about their attendance in order to show they are good people in God’s eyes?

Chreaster need to re-define their faith in the presence of God by understanding what is the true purpose of the resurrection of Jesus!

So therefore, we need to celebrate Jesus’ victory over death in our life DAILY not only during holy week lead up to Easter’s day!  I am not saying we should not ignore the holy week.  To me, it is a big celebration and great remembrance, let me say in another way, I wanted to give off the overwhelming of emphasizing how Jesus did for my life by sharing beautiful testimonies how Jesus saved my life during holy week!

Jesus freed me from being an alcoholic addict!  He forgave me for all of many unthinkable acts I did in the past which was truly horrible in the eyes of human beings!

Just learn not to be chreaster, it is why Prophet Jeremiah made beautiful quote as he prophesied to the community of the Jewish people:

You will search for me. And when you search for me with all your heart, you will find me!
~Jeremiah 29:13 (NCV)

God DESIRES your heart not your attendance!

Do you want to hear Jesus tell His Father, “I know ________ (your name)?”

Yes? Then seek God with your whole heart!

Let me close up with verses which was told by Jesus Christ, which would give you a wake up call and help you to re-examine your faith in the presence of God:

“Not all those who say ‘You are our Lord’ will enter the kingdom of heaven. The only people who will enter the kingdom of heaven are those who do what my Father in heaven wants.  On the last day many people will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, we spoke for you, and through you we forced out demons and did many miracles.’  Then I will tell them clearly, ‘Get away from me, you who do evil. I never knew you.’
~Matthew 7:21-23 (NCV)

Do you want Jesus acknowledge you?

You ask yourself and seek God!

“I forgive you” ~What A Powerful Quote!

“Cinderella” (2015 live action movie by Disney) provided with a great hidden message in biblical viewpoint. One quote strikes my heart when Cinderella spoke softly toward her stepmother: “I forgive you.” It was after all how stepmother has mistreated Cinderella horribly and even took advantage of Cinderella’s parents’ after tragic death of Cinderella’s mother and father on separate events.

“I forgive you”

It is truly powerful saying

Cinderella was giving another way of saying, “Let go, let God!”

Are you willing to forgive who has mistreated you like stepmother did for Cinderella!

I know it is a truly difficult thing to do! Trust me, forgiving others will heal your withering soul!

How can you image if Cinderella would do differently by telling Prince:

“My stepmother mistreated me and put me in the attic! What’s more, she dishonors my parents’ house! She deserved to be tossed out of house!”

Can you image this Prince do have authority to honor Cinderella’s desire to do whatever she wishes to see being done to her stepmother.

None of them happened, Cinderella was taught by her mother about the secret to joy of the life by simply being “courage and kind!”

Cinderella was determined not to dishonor her mother’s encouraging message. Forgiving others will bring the joy into life in opening new path to beautiful life.

Are you filled with bitterness because you has been mistreated by someone who deserved to be tormented?

Arranging vengeance or being stuck in anger will not get anywhere, it will do much worse for your life. It is like a cancer to your soul!

Is your anger because God made your life full of unfair?

God never wanted to happen to you! God wanted you and will be much more than happy to heal your withering soul. It is why God told Prophet Isaiah to pass messages to Israelites as God said:

Come, let us talk about these things. Though your sins are like scarlet, they can be as white as snow. Though your sins are deep red, they can be white like wool. ~Isaiah 1:18 (NCV)

God understood your anger, bitterness, fear and confusion and wanted to help and heals you!  It is why God gave us new life through Jesus Christ, who gave up his life in order to give us new life in the presence of God.

Are you willing to follow the good example of Cinderella?  After Cinderella’s message to her stepmother: “I forgive you” which truly floored stepmother.  Apparently to me stepmother finally understood Cinderella’s courage and kind to her.

So are you willing to forgive others?  It is something you need to talk to God, which will bring you freedom in Christ as part of your inner healing journey!