Being Humble Creates True Growth In Your Life

I DESERVED IT!

Look at my qualifications and I have everything and please get me in!

Why did you reject me even I am so good and I possess talents beyond your expectation!

I did everything and you still do not get it and I am nothing good to you even I held great potential in life.

I truly guarantee that you would feel that way when you possesses talents, it is when you felt are not being recognized.  I got to admit it, I am one of them and how unfortunate it is.   It is painful feeling and never easy!  I would like to share something.

A week ago, I went to see Spider-Man: Homecoming movie at the theatre and I was so STOKED about this movie for two reasons: Spider-Man is my old time favorite since I was a boy and also it is finally connected back into Marvel Cinematic Universe after legal battle with Sony over Spider-Man movie franchise since Sony still own the right to make Spider-Man movies.

Before I can say about this movie, it will have a minor spoiler alert.   This movie took place after The Avengers Part One storyline (2012), and pre and post Captain America: Civil War storyline (2016).

One scene in this movie hits me so hard when Tony Stark aka Iron Man had sort of, “Father-Son” conversation with Peter Parker aka Spider-Man.

Tony Stark: What is somebody had died? That’s on you.  What if you had died? That’s on me.  I don’t need that guilt on my conscience.  I’m gonna need the suit back.

Peter Parker: For how long?

Tony Stark: For ever!

Peter Parker: I’ nothing without the suit!

Tony Stark: If you’re nothing without suit, then you shouldn’t have it!

(The dialogue between Tony and Peter took place after the incident with ferry boat where main villain, Vulture and his goons are on where Spider-Man thought he could handle himself but little did he realized it can kill numerous passengers on ferry boat).

Tony realized Peter had much to learn!  Tony thought Peter was unteachable and he had to do something about it!  He had to teach Peter, lesson and prove himself!

This scene blew me off because it made me think of the Christians who are in an untrained ministry position in sharing God’s Word, which turned into legalistic viewpoint even misinterpreted and misled on God’s Word where there is no training involved in understanding God’s Word.

So is you Peter Parker?  Tony knew Peter need to focus on himself as Peter Parker not as Spider-Man before he can be true Spider-Man.

One scene from Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones where there is a conversation between Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala which ETCHED me:

Anakin Skywalker: Master Obi-Wan manages not to see it. Do not get me wrong, Obi-Wan is a great mentor.  As wise as Master Yoda as powerful as Master Windu. I am truly thankful to be his apprentice.  In some ways—a lot of ways—I’m really ahead of him. I am ready for the trials… but he feels that I’m too unpredictable. He won’t let me move on.

Padme Amidala: That must be frustrating.

Anakin Skywalker: It’s worse.  He overly critical.  He never listens.  He—He doesn’t understand. It’s not fair!

Padme Amidala: All mentors have a way of seeing more of our faults than we would like. It’s the only way we grow.

Anakin Skywalker (Sighs): I know.

Padme Amidala: Anakin. Don’t try to grow up too fast.

Anakin Skywalker and Peter Parker shared similar frustration, however Peter Parker takes himself into action to prove himself to Tony Stark aka Iron Man.  It is where Anakin Skywalker did not, he let anger and bitterness took over it is where he has fallen into dark path.  The answer: Darth Vader, no further explanation needed!

Why did Anakin and Peter rushed into action and think they are capable of managing their own superpower?  The answer is simple, PRIDE!

Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall. ~ Proverbs 16:18 (NLT)

Pride is the attitude of showing is all about ME! Look at my ability and I am capable of doing it!  List going on!  “ME” attitude, lack mentorship and discipline.  Obi-Wan Kenobi and Tony Stark are considered a wise veteran, who held many year experience of handling the crisis.

How does it apply to spiritual growth in Christianity?  When it comes to Bible study, we need to be extra careful on how we interpret on what the verse is saying to us.  We often pull out the verse out of context and misinterpreted, which caused great misunderstanding.  So we need to seek help in understanding the Holy Bible better by being a listener and do the journaling to jot our thought in understanding what it will apply to our spiritual growth.  We need to sit down and listen to wise teachers, pastors, preachers, and even mature Christians who want to help us and feeds us with God’s Word.

I heard PLENTY of those like to say:

I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW HOW TO DO IT! 

Almost ten years ago, I was in training for mental health social worker, and the trainer was teaching me on how to document the important information in computer concerning daily activity of clients.  I keep telling the trainer, “I know” repeatedly.

In following next day in the morning, trainer privately emailed me with a very chilling message as he said:

If you keep saying I know that means you do not wants to learn anything!

This message truly haunted me even since!

It is no wonder Anakin had conceit attitude and he thinks he is ahead of his Jedi Master Kenobi, look at his statement again:

In some ways—a lot of ways—I’m really ahead of him. I am ready for the trials… but he feels that I’m too unpredictable. He won’t let me move on.

His attitude and behavior have turned himself into Lord Vader!  Peter Parker had similar ways as Spider-Man it is why Iron Man had to do something to teach Peter an expensive lesson in order to protect Peter from doing something will haunt Iron Man.

So we need to be careful and be willing to learn in understanding how God’s Word can apply to our spiritual growth and work on our flaws in our life before we can share with others.

“Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.” ~ Proverbs 13:3 (NLT)

It is nothing wrong to be overexcite about what we have learned and understood on what will give great benefit in our life, but we need to be careful not to rush into things where we are not trained to go there yet!

Uncanny X-Men Echoes Deaf World!

Oppression is no excuse for vengeance — for murder. I wonder… does the death of innocent people — cut down on the streets as they flee — free you? I think not. ~ Professor X from page of X-Men.

Professor X has a strong vision of seeing mutants and humanity living together in peace.

Magento saw humanity as great oppression upon mutants, so therefore humanity needs serious treatment.

Believe it or not, Professor X and Magento were once close friends until their view of human-mutant relations became incompatible which was the beginning of rivalry between them.

Professor X found X-Mansion,  Xavier Institute for Higher Learning (it used to be Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters.   It was the true intention to nourish the new mutants who are feeling being “outcast” in the world.  It is where the X-Men began!

Magneto went on his own path and found the Brotherhood of Mutants, originally known as the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.

Both of them share the same passion: their great love for mutants and ensure they are in their safe environment setting.

For years, I learn to appreciate the X-Men universe. Somehow I was reading one of the major storylines told by Marvel Comics called “House of M” and in issue number five of House of M, where Wolverine became victim of an altered timeline as it was caused by Scarlet Witch, daughter of Magneto. It’ where mutants are governing the world. So, I wanted you to take look at this one below:

Did you see what Wolverine said? Let’s focus on that statement he made:

I lived in a world where mutants were minorities, and the X-Men worked to build a peaceful coexistence between the growing mutant population and regular people… who never seem to run out of reasons to be terrified of us.

Did it ring you as being a Deaf person (Note to hearing people it applies to you too, because you might have something else than being Deaf person)?

Often of us experienced being oppressed in two different ways, true intention and non-intention. Being oppressed in non-intention is due to being ignorance and lack of being educated about an individual who is living as a Deaf person. For true intention, they knew it and cannot trust a Deaf person to do anything except able to hear!
How do you feel when you are being oppressed?

Fumed up?
Wanted to seek legal action against them?
They are REALLY IGNORANCE!
They cannot understand that I cannot read lips!
List going on, I can relate to you, smile!

Should I take up the personality of Magento? He has a depth of sense of hatred for humanity for mistreating mutants.

Magneto echoes “Deaf” militants! He doesn’t want to do anything with humanity! So are you seeing majority as a threat to your community because of their oppression?!

Should I say it’s better to take up the personality of Professor X since he believe in peacemaking between mutants and humanity!  Professor X will do anything to educate those who are truly ignorant about the importance of understanding that mutant are normal as human.  Also Professor X wanted to encourage those mutants to use their power wisely in helping those people.   

So do you want to be in Professor X or Magento’s camp?

It’s your choice!

Remember your attitude matters!

I prefer to be in Professor X’s camp! Before you say anything about who I am! I’m so proud of who I am! I’m thankful God created me to be Deaf person and see Deaf culture and its language: American Sign Language as part of my identity. I used to have bitterness against those who oppressed and discriminated upon me in the past. More I learned as I get older that I realized people who don’t understand Deaf are simply lacking the education about Deaf communities. 

Let your identity be in Christ and Christ is the King of Peace.  

Carrying the attitude of militant will cause to develop the division within Deaf communities where there is no peace within.

You are forgetting about one thing if you are occupied with militant attitude, they are WATCHING you!

Of course, all of us have different goals, visions and perspective. Remember, you cannot paint someone to be someone else. God sees an individual with its own unique personality! God doesn’t see Deaf as Broken person, God sees it as normal and beautiful in His own eyes. So therefore God wanted all of hearing people to understand and learn about the uniqueness of Deaf communities. Same as for us as Deaf people learn about uniqueness what differing from us!  

So therefore God created us and we are His beautiful children whom believe in Him through Jesus our Lord. 

Don’t let oppression and discrimination destroy who you have instead educated those who need to see us as not broken people! 

Apostle Paul wrote letter to communities of Galatia:

“There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus. And now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children of Abraham. You are his heirs, and God’s promise to Abraham belongs to you.” -Galatians 3:28-29 (NLT) 

We are all one in Christ.  None of us are outcast in eyes of God.  

Power is MINE! I DESERVED IT!

Power is mine! I earned it!

I worked so hard so don’t dare to cross me!

The world owes me!

I was bullied and being victimized!

Hey all of you, I knew the feeling and I had similar pain as you even it’s unbearable!

Let me share something, Stan Lee and Steve Dikto breathed a life in Peter Parker, who became a legendary superhero that everyone love known as Spider-Man. Spider-Man came to life in an issue of Amazing Fantasy number fifteen which was published in the month of August 1962.

Stan Lee and Steve Ditko coined the motto about role as being a superhero in the life of Spider-Man:

Great power comes great responsibility. 

Peter saw something unbelievable as he gained power due to being bitten by a radioactive spider. He was challenged to use his power for good purposes or for his own personal gain. Should superheroes use their own power to protect people from unseen evil force, use it for their own reputation or use to break the law as shortcuts in answer to their unfair treatment in their life?

Are you familiar with story of Joseph The Dreamer? The Saga of Joseph The Dreamer was told in the Book of Genesis, Chapter thirty-seven to fifty. Joseph was sold to merchants by Joseph’s own brothers! Joseph was brought to Egypt.  Joseph was very confused and been dismayed by what his brothers did to him.  Maybe he figured out that his father, Jacob does not want him anymore.
Remember when life taken an unexpected turn and there are always full of questions!

After thirteen years being in Egypt. Keep in mind during his thirteen years was not always full of joy. He was persecuted and been falsely accused even were forgotten. When he became governor of Egypt. He saw his own brothers came before him.

Didn’t you realize that he have full of authority and access to power as governor in doing anything to his brothers!

He can TORMENT and REPAID them back for what they did to him thirteen years ago!

However, during his thirteen years of staying in Egypt, he grabbed his time to develop a personal relationship with God, which shaped his heart despite he went through good and bad times there.   God’s unconditional love felt upon Joseph’s heart, which led him to have different approaching toward his brothers.

It is why Joseph made a very powerful statement as he said to his brothers:

“Come closer to me,” Joseph said to his brothers. They came closer. “I am Joseph your brother whom you sold into Egypt. But don’t feel badly, don’t blame yourselves for selling me. God was behind it. God sent me here ahead of you to save lives. There has been a famine in the land now for two years; the famine will continue for five more years—neither plowing nor harvesting. God sent me on ahead to pave the way and make sure there was a remnant in the land, to save your lives in an amazing act of deliverance. So you see, it wasn’t you who sent me here but God. He set me in place as a father to Pharaoh, put me in charge of his personal affairs, and made me ruler of all Egypt. ~ Genesis 45:4-8 (MSG)

That statement made by Joseph made me want to CRY! It is because I spent years of living in bitterness against specific people who hurts and belittled me because they saw there is no potential in my life.   Let me share about my experience about one family member who tried to tell me with very cruel messages:

“Look at yourself, LOOK at my son, he is doing very well and being successful in his life.”

Unfortunately, many years later his son was not doing very well and he is experiencing unfortunate incident in his life where he made poor decisions.   A family member knew I was doing well with my life as I made achievement in career and educational setting.   I finally saw this person last year at my sister’s wedding after eleven years of not seeing him.  He was scared to be near me, but I chose to come up to him and gave him warm hugs and let him that I still love him and expressed my apology for our soured relationship in the past.  It helped close the oldest chapters in the past and move on the new chapter.  It is a sign of forgiveness and let it go!

Let look at what Spider-Man said after he ignored to stop an unarmed burglar in page of Amazing Fantasy number fifteen:

My Fault–All my fault! If only I had stopped him when I could have! But I didn’t–and now–Uncle Ben is dead… ~

Spider-Man could have used his own power to kill the burglar for killing his Uncle Ben but he chose to use his power to arrest him and put him in custody of police officers.  So therefore the police officers can handle dealing with a burglar.

So I realized harder I could have used my power to hurt those people for hurting me, but it is not what Jesus would do, he said:

“Father, forgive them; they don’t know what they’re doing.” ~ Luke 23:34 (a) (MSG)

The quote “great power comes great responsibility” was mentioned in Luke 12:48:

“Great gifts mean great responsibilities; greater gifts, greater responsibilities!” ~ Luke 12:48 (b) (MSG)

So therefore, we are responsible for how we handle with accessible of power usage. If you decided to use your own power in doing harmful to people, then you are making yourself worst than before.  I have been there and trust me please, I said many poisonous words to those when I was full of anger and bitterness.

I regret a lot of things I did in the past, some of them will not forgive me even I asked for forgiven, but I realized I was in the eyes of God and I letting God take care of them because I was so eager to seek forgiven despite they declined my expression of apology.

Think about what Jesus would react to those who hurts you.

 

NOT ME! NOT ME!

On one of beautiful late morning of Sundays, I was reading one of Locke & Key issues which was published by IDW Comic.  Locke & Key was one of best horror comic stories! I was flipping through issue of Locke & Key as my wife Sunflower was driving in deep forest somewhere on base of Fort Bragg in North Carolina.

Something caught my attention, I shouted to myself, “That’s it”

Sunflower was giving me kind of “huh” facial expression!

“Perfect for me to do blogging on that one!”

I scanned perfect picture of what I am seeing:

Does it rings me? You betcha!

Does it ring you also?

You need to ask YOURSELF!  I have PLENTY of stories to tell you about how HIDEOUS man I am!  I am MAN with too many secrets!  I always found a way to hid the bottle of rum, it is my self-medicating for my unbearable pain!  Looking at this picture above brought back painful memories where someone whom have been once dearly to me found my behavior very erratic.

Wanted to know one of my darkest secrets?  I stole PLENTY of money from those people even strangers so I can use their money to feed my addiction by making numerous trip to liquor store and get supersize bottle of rum.  Yes I am very sickening man!   I managed to manipulate those people who have been dearly to give me money or even let me manage their money.  I even deceived someone who have been dearly to me for many years that I will take care of grocery shopping but I managed to find a way to get cash back after paying groceries, so I can use those cash to get bottle of rum!

Another sickening thing I can share when there was big party at ballroom in honoring my old family friends.  I managed to sneaked into coat room and checked for cashes in their coats and jackets.  I raked in many dollars.  What did I do with it, GET darn bottle of rum!

I was HOPELESS man and I managed to hid a lot of those bottles of rum everywhere in my apartment when I used to live in Boston area.

Picture above remind me of unexplainable grace of God who found a way in my life and pulled me away by stripped everything have been meaningful in my life.  My sickening behavior was brought to light.

No wonder Jesus was very clear about sinful behavior will be brought to light as he said:

For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all.~Luke 8:17 (NLT)

Make sense?  I recall when being alcoholic addict, I always came up with many fable stories in order to make an excuse for my immersion into alcoholism and also I keep saying to myself and others:

“I do not have any problem with drinking and I am not alcoholic addict!  SO NOT ME! Look at me, I managed to go work and do things fine.”

I was deceiving myself and little I did realized those people who are around me KNEW my well-being appearance are seriously deteriorating!  It is because I let booze WRECKED who I am.  I lost myself, and engaged myself into false fantasies and denied the reality!

Jesus was very clear about what he said in Luke 8:17.  Also King David mentioned about hiding sinful deeds which is like cancer to the soul in eyes of God, it is sapping the strength of spiritual growth as he mentioned it in book of Psalms.

I can relate much to an Apostle Paul as he said:

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength to do his work. He considered me trustworthy and appointed me to serve him,  even though I used to blaspheme the name of Christ. In my insolence, I persecuted his people. But God had mercy on me because I did it in ignorance and unbelief.  Oh, how generous and gracious our Lord was! He filled me with the faith and love that come from Christ Jesus.  This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”—and I am the worst of them all.  But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life.  All honor and glory to God forever and ever! He is the eternal King, the unseen one who never dies; he alone is God. Amen. ~ 1 Timothy 1:12-17 (NLT)

Yes,  I destroyed those people who loves me and used them to feed my addiction until Jesus walked into my life once again on 12/3/12 when I looked at bottle of rum and said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and time to do something with my life.

Jesus and I have been walking even since….

No matter how hopeless situation you are in…there is still a HOPE in Jesus!

“Thirteen Reasons Why” Are Simply Painful Lesson!

“I do not TRUST you.”

“You are trouble maker!  All of us are doing fine until you showed up and you make a lot of problem!”

“You are SO SNEAKY, and I can see you!”

“You need to move your desk by wall because you are always getting other students into problem!”

All of those are silent and deadly cruelty words being said toward me by one teacher for the Deaf as I just recently entered into seventh grade at Dallastown Middle School in 1985.  She have no idea what was coming to me, my parents just got divorced in 1984 and I missed my father so much as he is more than 3,000 miles away from me in West Coast.  Even I was not trouble maker, I was wandering and being very confused in attempt to making an adjust in fit to new lifestyle in central of Pennsylvania.   The environment and lifestyle are VERY MUCH different from Southern California.  I was trying to find connection in students at school.  The teacher are being so cruelty and not being so empahtic toward my situation.

Watching The Thirteen Reasons Why TV series was one of most painful lessons.  God brought me back to the road of memories and wanted me to jog the memories which I buried for LONG time.   I was bullied and been falsely accused for doing something I never did.  The feeling of hatred returned to me, God was showing me it is time to prune my hidden hatred for this teacher who did things to me.  Even to make matter worse, there are one student who are very popular at Dallastown Middle School had call all students to follow him in homemade gesture as he was saying to me:

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

“KU KLUX KLAN”

I stood motionless and being so defenseless

I went home, I never shared things to my mom and my step-father, I kept all those to myself.  Even one student tried to get white Deaf students to follow him in saying: “Ku Klux Klan” but fortunately Deaf students will not follow him.

What did those did good to me?  It WRECKED my self-esteem and all I wanted to call my father and tell him what they did to me!   

Bully is DEADLY weapon to self-esteem is it cool? NO!  What do you think?  Think HARDER before you say it!

Little YOU DID realize that your action of bullying toward others will affects their souls for years to come which will brings the sense of hatred, anger, and bitterness.

I had been fighting with demons inside me due to alcoholism for 11 years because my self esteem was ultimately DESTROYED due to years of being bullied based on my character and even my disabilities.  Someone would make fun of my odd walking!  Little they did realized I was diagnosed with mild cerebral palsy!

To make matter much worst, I wanted to kill myself because I was seeing myself as worthless and useless  because I was defined by those people who sees unworthy in me!

Bully is EVERYWHERE and is very UNCOOL & UNCALLED FOR!

Finding my life in Jesus have taught me about forgiveness and letting it go of all years of living in anger, hatred and bitterness.  I used to think and plot a vengeance against those who hurts me badly but God reminds me about importance of forgiveness will bring peace and joy in my soul.   Plotting vengeance will bring NOTHING good out of you, but it will make much worse than you think as it will do much harmful toward others, trust me!

I am thankful Jesus breathed new life in me!

It is why forgiveness is central of your spiritual growth in eyes of God as Jesus shared parable about unforgiving debtor:

Jesus replied, “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.

“The kingdom of God is like a king who decided to square accounts with his servants. As he got under way, one servant was brought before him who had run up a debt of a hundred thousand dollars. He couldn’t pay up, so the king ordered the man, along with his wife, children, and goods, to be auctioned off at the slave market.

“The poor wretch threw himself at the king’s feet and begged, ‘Give me a chance and I’ll pay it all back.’ Touched by his plea, the king let him off, erasing the debt.

 “The servant was no sooner out of the room when he came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him ten dollars. He seized him by the throat and demanded, ‘Pay up. Now!’

“The poor wretch threw himself down and begged, ‘Give me a chance and I’ll pay it all back.’ But he wouldn’t do it. He had him arrested and put in jail until the debt was paid. When the other servants saw this going on, they were outraged and brought a detailed report to the king.

 “The king summoned the man and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave your entire debt when you begged me for mercy. Shouldn’t you be compelled to be merciful to your fellow servant who asked for mercy?’ The king was furious and put the screws to the man until he paid back his entire debt. And that’s exactly what my Father in heaven is going to do to each one of you who doesn’t forgive unconditionally anyone who asks for mercy.”
Matthew 18:22-35 (MSG)

So did it ring you?

Sound annoying about unforgiving debtor?  How about you?  Are you refusing to forgive others because what they did to you?

Refusal of forgiving others will bring cancer in your spiritual growth.

Encourage let it go!

Inner healing do not happens quickly it takes time.  Spiritual growth is a journey as we will prune whatever is hindering our healthy spiritual growth!

Let it go is BEST thing will happen to your life, it will bring peace in your soul!

Past Can Be Your Enemy or Lesson!

If I could go back in past and changed for better and I would have seen the better life!

I should have not do it…

I blame this person for destroying my life!

Everyone is neglecting me because who I am, let me go in past to change it!

List goes on!

It is very common reactions I received based on my conversation with strangers, friends, and families.

Everyone, I mean EVERYONE…I did not say some of us or several of us, had issues with their own past.  I recall my conversation with someone who I considered to be my spiritual mother during my early years of walking with Lord.  She used to say, “Everyone comes from broken home, even they have beautiful and loving family but there are still broken.  It is because EVERYONE have their own insecure in their own identity where it is missed from their life journey.”

On third season premiere of The Flash TV series which introduced the Flashpoint which was hinted during season two finale.  Barry Allen aka The Flash went into time traveling into the past to alter the timeline by saving his mother from being killed at hand of Reserve Flash. Flashpoint details an altered DC Universe and its timeline as it changed Barry Allen’s relationship with his loved ones in good and bad ways.  The Flashpoint storyline comic was originally published in 2011 by DC Comics, and it is one of best storylines in history.

Before The Flash jumped into past, he had difficult time dealing with death of his mother when he was boy at the hand of Reserve Flash.  The Flash witnessed the murder of his mother have caused to frame his own father and placed him in prison.   The Flash was being foster fathered by Joe West whom is a police detective, father of Iris West, following Barry Allen’s parents, Nora Allen’s death and Henry Allen’s incarceration.

All of us have common with Barry Allen, we had hard time letting go of our past!  He refused to let it go, he lived in bitterness about his death of his mother and his father being framed for murder.  He envisioned perfect family and he wished to grow up whole his childhood with his parents!  He was true superhero as The Flash at same time, he was man of anger.  His anger has caused him to have difficult time developing stability relationship with his loved ones and co-workers.  Also, he was struggling with sense of self-worth because of absence of his parents.  He hard time forgiving himself for letting his anger doing much harmful to those whom is dear to him.

Do you truly forgive yourself and others for what damage has been done toward you?  How can you define forgive?  In simple way of meaning: letting go, to pardon or acquit of sins.  Forgiving yourself and others in God’s eyes will enhance God to handle those problem in His way not your way.  Jesus was very clear about it as he said:

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.  But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins…” ~ Matthew 6:14-15 (NLT)

Forgiveness and Restoration is part of God’s natural character for God is full of grace and love.  Nothing can make God refuse your sin until you seek God with your whole heart.

Barry Allen aka The Flash recognized that after he saved his mother from Reserve Flash have caused much complicated in his life circumstances with his families, friends and co workers, some of them have went sour with Barry Allen.  It came to his sense that past need to be left in past and cannot be changed but only he can change about his past is to use as lesson for his life journey.

He was very determined to restore the timeline again by leaving the death of his mother in past and return to his current timeline.  Unfortunately, there are still some damage done to his current timeline which created another new reality of his timeline.  It is because he dared to travel back in time to fixed but it did have big effect on his current timeline, so therefore Barry Allen aka The Flash learned his expensive lesson and focus on making progress of restoration.

Our past can be filled with ugliness circumstances and what done damage to us have caused us to be etched for years.  Living in past than to seek forgiveness, reconciliation and restoration will cause to live in bitterness and anger can do much damage to whom are truly dear to us.

One of dear friends of mine whom I have work closely in past at Deaf Teen Ministry camp used to say:

Ongoing negative thinking will cause you to have impact on your life perspective and it can be very toxic perspective.

Remember we are not product of the past, so let close the door of past and not to open it again, or should I say “do not fish” at this lake since it is heavily polluted.

I wanted you to take look at one of scenes was taken out from Flashpoint comic storyline:

Reserve Flash is one of most deadly villains in The Flash universe, he wanted to do anything to destroy Barry Allen and all of his loved ones.  Reserve Flash wants to remind Barry Allen aka The Flash about his past life and his poor decision.  Reserve Flash reflects much like Satan.  Satan is known as the accuser and wants to remind you of your past filled with regrets.

Do not let it happen to you!  You are the product of the present and future, so let change be made and it starts with YOU! Healing is long-term journey, it is NOT like express lane or overnight change.   It takes time.  Seek God with whole of your heart and be honest with yourself.

 

God do not call me CRAZY!

Being Christian means I follow Jesus not how people defines who I am in God’s eyes.

Christians are suppose to give comforting and encouraging words.

Did they?  They breeds more bullying, unlovable and hatred words.

Did God told them?  Did Jesus breeds the words that goes against the worthy and unique of humankind?

No He did not!

Simply he came on earth to touch those wounded heart with His an AMAZING LOVE!

Many Christians failed to follow His example of touching those wounded hearts.

Am I crazy?  Am I being cursed by God because of living with mental illness since I was diagnosed with Manic-Depression and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder!

Jesus sat down and gave me warm words:

I understand you and I love you.

It is what was spoke to my heart.

What happen to today’s churches, they are too busy trying to say how much God bless them and attempt to “savory” others about how good pastor of the church is! Aren’t church suppose to be place for wounded souls where there are plenty of love, grace, kindness, compassion, and mercy toward those are are much unfortunate people!

Dealt in deadly battle with alcoholism, mental illness, and unsafe behavior pattern have left me become less and less worth in presence of people.  They are busy saying bad things about me.  They tried to tell me:

Stop drinking too much!
You are always drunk!
You are hurting others too much!
You are sick man!
What’s wrong with you!?!?!

List going on, are there any loving and comforting words involved? NONE, however there are very few Christian friends took their time to try understand me.  I said again…VERY FEW of them!

What church failed to see what Peter and John did with one man who is trying to find something in his own soul:

One day Peter and John went to the Temple at three o’clock, the time set each day for the afternoon prayer service.  There, at the Temple gate called Beautiful Gate, was a man who had been crippled all his life. Every day he was carried to this gate to beg for money from the people going into the Temple.   The man saw Peter and John going into the Temple and asked them for money.  Peter and John looked straight at him and said, “Look at us!”  The man looked at them, thinking they were going to give him some money.  But Peter said, “I don’t have any silver or gold, but I do have something else I can give you. By the power of Jesus Christ from Nazareth, stand up and walk!”  Then Peter took the man’s right hand and lifted him up. Immediately the man’s feet and ankles became strong.  He jumped up, stood on his feet, and began to walk. He went into the Temple with them, walking and jumping and praising God.  All the people recognized him as the crippled man who always sat by the Beautiful Gate begging for money. Now they saw this same man walking and praising God, and they were amazed. They wondered how this could happen. ~ Acts 3:1-10 (NCV)

Did you see how Peter and John handled the situation, they was very determined to look at this man’s wounded soul than to enable him in do whatever he wants to do with money if he was offered with money.

Did church follow the example of Peter and John?  Frankly, I would say VERY FEW of them until you PROVE ME WRONG!

I admit I always thought I was sickening man who have been living with addiction in alcoholism and been engaged in many unsafe behavior.  I always blamed on myself as I thought to myself I am worthless, evil, and useless person.  It is because I took the definition of my identity from those society even church.  I was hopeless human being who have been extremely exhausted in fighting to try do good things but always goes wrong way.  All of those I felt that way in 2012 and I was fighting for my own life.

My stay at Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary have taught me something where I never learned in past, God is very gracious and loving God who wanted to take care of me.  I was given verse:

“The Lord your God is with you;
    the mighty One will save you.
He will rejoice over you.
    You will rest in his love;
    he will sing and be joyful about you.”~ Zephaniah 3:17 (NCV)

Did God calls me crazy?  HECK NO!  God is madly in love with me!  I am His worthy and unique child!

Christians need to take example what Jesus did to wounded hearts with gentle words filled with love and kindness.  Unfortunately, they are busy saying bad things and how they rebelled against God even would say how crazy we are!

You have NO idea what I went through and the origin behind of my battle with alcoholism also what engaged me into many unsafe behavioral pattern.   You need to learn to listen to their wounded hearts which is filled with unbearable and unspoken pain in their soul.

LEARN to LISTEN to them and UNDERSTAND them.

It is what Jesus wanted you to do….

Show empathy, be compassionate, be gracious, and be lovable toward them!

 

 

Vengeance has consumed you…

“Vengeance has consumed you. It’s consuming them. I am done letting it consume me.”

T’Challa aka Black Panther (one of main characters from Captain America: Civil War) made stunning quote toward Helmut Zemo!

Do you lost faith in humanity because of senseless and meaningless evil behavioral performed on earth where you see too much negativity and toxic on media? Is it too much for you to witness?

Where does we turn to? God is our hope in senseless and meaningless situations where you see there is no justice being done. Do you feel you want to take law in your own hands and do those things to them who have hurt you badly? Are you letting bitterness take over your soul because you sense something is being done toward you in very unfair way!

It is what Helmut Zemo did; he is the man with full of anger! Let me provide you with brief background of Helmut Zemo. Helmut Zemo was first introduced in page of Captain America #168 in 1973 but did not officially become Helmut Zero until #275.   He is considered one of most cunning and deadly villains in Marvel Comic Universe. He is great known for partnering with evil empire such as Master of Evil, Hydra, and Secret Empire and even he has collaborated with Red Skull.

Helmut Zemo chose to take law in his own hands after what did to his homeland, Sokovia that was told in Avengers: Age of Ultron. His secret agenda was true intention to destroy the Avengers in Captain America: Civil War.  After Helmut Zemo revealed the secret videotape footage which shown Bucky Barnes (his mind was controlled by Hydra), which killed Tony Stark aka Iron Man’s parents in front of Iron Man’s eyes. Captain America KNEW what was hidden in video footage!

That is why Captain America was very determined to take stand and made every attempt to reason with Iron Man as he was defending his childhood friend, Bucky Barnes.  Captain America made statement which what Jesus would does to us:

“He Said ‘Bucky’ And Suddenly I Was That 16-Year-Old Boy From Brooklyn Again.”

What point of this quote above, Captain America emphasized Hydra brainwashed Bucky Barnes and Bucky lost control of his freedom in his life.  It is acting of grace even Captain America knew what is in footage, he wanted to defend Iron Man from hurting himself and do harmful things in future.

Captain America never give up on his close friend, Bucky Barnes, it is because he loved him as it is like his real brother.  Captain America cherished his memories with Bucky when they are young together in Brooklyn!

Black Panther learned what Helmut Zemo did to them, he stopped him from committing suicide after bloody battle between Captain America & Bucky Barnes and Iron Man.  Black Panther realized vengeance is bring out nothing but destruction for it own soul.

Refusal of forgiven will plant the root of bitterness in you in what it consumed Helmut Zemo.   It is why Jesus made very clear about importance of forgiving others as he talked about parable on unforgiving debtor:

“Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars.  He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.

“But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.

“But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars.^[d] He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.

“His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.

 “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.

 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters^[e] from your heart.”

~Matthew 18:23-35 (NCV)

In my own sense and interpretation, Captain America had to take Bucky Barnes away from Iron Man after bloody battle in order to protect Bucky Barnes and even protected Iron Man too.  Captain America wrote heartened letter to Iron Man because he loved him as friend and will be there for him in aftermath event of Civil War.

What Captain America did was out of love as what Jesus did to us!  Jesus walked on earth to bring grace and love to those who feel there is no hope in them when their past are full of ugly.

Captain America believed in grace, love and compassion as what Jesus did.  Captain America have heart of Jesus!

No wonder Captain America’s famous quote:

“I’m with you till the end of the line”

 

I am no longer Captain Morgan! I am Captain for Jesus!

On December 3, 2012, at 6 pm, I took the final shot of rum and sat down on a recliner and my head was filled with racing thoughtful which gave myself with plenty of dilemmas.  Little I did realize I have to go to class next day at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary (GCTS).

My previous marriage uttered into collapse!
Where will I go?
I am Deaf ministry leader, shame on me!
I am seminary student at GCTS and what can I do?
How can I do everything without support from loved one?
I am useless!
I am just void to anyone!

Those thoughts have been racing on my mind since my loved one left me on 11/29/12 which I saw it as beginning of the end!  My memories re-flooded made me think of “Fall From Grace” storyline featured in Daredevil #319-325 which was published in 1993.  It is the point where Matt Murdock as Daredevil went under major change it brought into a new identity and new direction since he is devout Catholic.

I sat on the recliner and said to myself I am completely failure!  I am completely ashamed of myself because I secretly led double life due to my deadly battle with alcoholism for 11 years.   I knew I cannot hold secret battle any longer.

One night, I was sitting motionlessly and been wonder what to do with my life without my loved one even to make matter worst, I cannot afford to continue making monthly apartment rent payment.  It is because the living expenses in Boston area is very expensive.   Somehow something snapped me out from being motionless!  A person’s name entered my mind:

Lita Schluter

Lita Schluter is a dean of student life at GCTS, she have been “mother spiritual” to many GCTS students.  I contacted her for a place to stay and told her what is happening with me.  She took my case to GCTS administration and it was approved that I am able to live on the campus.

It is the beginning of new chapter in my life, where I began to unfold many false beliefs because I have been living with the false identity.  Living on the campus of GCTS was blessings at the same time it was indeed nightmare due to being only Deaf student on the campus.

I began to look at myself and I grieved for many days!

On many nights, I would sneak into a chapel to spend hours filled with prayer and weeping even my weeping have been becoming very loud where many students can hear!

I began to look at mirror…..I looked at myself and realized how ugly I am! I am not speaking of my physical form, I am speaking of my soul! Immersion into booze has blackened my soul!  I was living in secret and I was busy in an attempt to be good Deaf ministry leader and get drunk in order to attacks those people who hurts me even attempt to make myself being a cool person.  It is because it shows how deep within me, I was a very hurtful person who suffered from being oppressed, manipulated, controlled, verbally abused and even been bullied!

My life was completely unfair! For years, I tried to voice out my own life perspective, opinions and my passions (movies, comics, & photography) but was often been neglected and been belittled.  I let my hurtful and withering soul as a displacement anger upon people.

I was completely lost and never truly feel being loved!  I personally knew I was loved by my beloved dad and mom.  I never understood the true love until I began my re-dedication to the Lord and my close walk with Jesus on December 3, 2012, and relocation to GCTS campus.  Things were never same again afterward!

On the summer of 2013, I was cruising through beach around Gloucester in North Shore of Massachusetts, one afternoon I was reading a book called “Altar Ego: Becoming Who God Says You Are” By Craig Groeschel on my kindle.  Holy Spirit sent soft encouraging and comforting words as said:
“You are no longer Mike, you are Michael!”

Michael is my new identity and it is actually my legal name was on my birth certification.  It is a sign of reborn in a presence of Christ.  God and I just made a special unspoken covenant that I will no longer use “Mike” because it represents old life.  “Michael” represents my reborn in Christ.  It reminds me of one verse:

“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The Old life is gone; a new life has begun!” ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)

Let me give you a bit commentary about this verse above:

“The Holy Spirit gives them new life, and they are not the same anymore. We are not reformed, rehabilitated, or reeducated- we are re-created (new creations), living in vital union with Christ.” ~Note from NLT New Testament Life Application Study Bible

I learn to rebuild my new life in Christ reflected based on Colossains 2:6-7:

“…now just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord you must continue to follow him.  Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him.  Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.” (NLT)

So therefore I am no longer naming myself as Mike because I am new person in Christ, so I am Michael not Mike!

My identity have been robbed and I was official victim of identity theft beginning around Spring 2001 until December 3, 2012.

Captain Morgan: You are Captain Morgan and I inherit you my identity and feels the power of rum inside you.  It will defines who you are!
Michael: You are simply delusional and rum brought me nothing but destruction!
Captain Morgan: My power of rum will give you everything you needs to become!
Michael: You are a just false god, you are nothing and my true life is in Christ!
Captain Morgan:….

Every day, I learned to focus one time a day by investing myself in the Kingdom of God through Jesus!  Nothing is better than just finding a restful soul in the presence of Jesus!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nobody Understands Who I am!

-Oh, you are taking anti-depressant medication? Don’t you have enough faith in God?
-Look at this person, he/she is truly insane!
-This person is so ANNOYING and talking REPETITIVE!
-He/She is full of anger and there is nothing good about him/her!
-Look at this person, he/she is truly crazy and why are he/she here?

There are plenty of stigmas made toward those people who are diagnosed with mental illness where there are no compassion, kindness, grace and love involved.

People living with mental illness are becoming unfortunate and less fortunate people in society even what become worse is it is already happening in Christianity communities.   How embarrassed, it is when being rejected by Christians where there is an epic failure because of no empathic!

I do personally admit that I am one of those among less fortunate people because I am mental illness survivor since I am diagnosed with manic-depressive and post-traumatic stress disorder!  It made me feel I am not being loved within Christianity community.

My BIGGEST question of all did Christians or should I say so-called Christian (it is because they didn’t actually have deep intimacy relationship with God) truly understand or do not even bother to do some kind of exegesis about “A Story About a Big Banquet?” It is a parable was told by Jesus in Luke 14:15-24 as it said:

One of those at the table with Jesus heard these things and said to him, “Blessed are the people who will share in the meal in God’s kingdom.”

Jesus said to him, “A man gave a big banquet and invited many people.  When it was time to eat, the man sent his servant to tell the guests, ‘Come. Everything is ready.’

 “But all the guests made excuses. The first one said, ‘I have just bought a field, and I must go look at it. Please excuse me.’  Another said, ‘I have just bought five pairs of oxen; I must go and try them. Please excuse me.’  A third person said, ‘I just got married; I can’t come.’  So the servant returned and told his master what had happened. Then the master became angry and said, ‘Go at once into the streets and alleys of the town, and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind, and the lame.’  Later the servant said to him, ‘Master, I did what you commanded, but we still have room.’  The master said to the servant, ‘Go out to the roads and country lanes, and urge the people there to come so my house will be full.  I tell you, none of those whom I invited first will eat with me.’” (NCV)

Did you see a lot of those people turned down the invitation to God’s banquet, it is because they are too busy with their own affairs than to find time to seek what God has to offer!  Those invitations went to less fortunate people!   What make matter much worst those people who rejected those invitations left no room for love at the banquet!

It is exactly been happening in today’s church even in past time too!  What is becoming much tragic in ministry field that many of those ministry leaders are not trained or even being educated on how to help those people who are diagnosed with mental illness.  People diagnosed with mental illness needs extra support, encouragement, comfortable and even more patience.

You have no idea how difficult it has become of them in their life journey, it requires extra time to listen to their story and how they are diagnosed with mental illness based on DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) which are commonly diagnosed by psychiatrists and clinicians.

Often of the time, the people with mental illness do have treatment plan where it will help them to maintain their life within society.  Also, you guys within ministry field who have no medical license have no business to tell what to do with their medications and treatment plan.  If you are becoming concern about them just learn to ask and listen to them and how you could be helpful toward them.

Number one Important of whole all things above do not even talk about them behind their back or make any kind of assumption.  If you do like that then you are not showing true love or showing cherish about them.  They are God’s children so treat them with love.  You have no idea how they have been unloved for a long time.

I wanted to close with verse:

“If we love our Christian brothers and sisters, it proves that we have passed from death to life.  But a person who has no live is still dead.  Anyone who hates another brother or sister is reallty murderer at heart.  And you know that murders don’t have eternal life within them.” ~ 1 John 4:14-15 (NLT)