Past Can Be Your Enemy or Lesson!

If I could go back in past and changed for better and I would have seen the better life!

I should have not do it…

I blame this person for destroying my life!

Everyone is neglecting me because who I am, let me go in past to change it!

List goes on!

It is very common reactions I received based on my conversation with strangers, friends, and families.

Everyone, I mean EVERYONE…I did not say some of us or several of us, had issues with their own past.  I recall my conversation with someone who I considered to be my spiritual mother during my early years of walking with Lord.  She used to say, “Everyone comes from broken home, even they have beautiful and loving family but there are still broken.  It is because EVERYONE have their own insecure in their own identity where it is missed from their life journey.”

On third season premiere of The Flash TV series which introduced the Flashpoint which was hinted during season two finale.  Barry Allen aka The Flash went into time traveling into the past to alter the timeline by saving his mother from being killed at hand of Reserve Flash. Flashpoint details an altered DC Universe and its timeline as it changed Barry Allen’s relationship with his loved ones in good and bad ways.  The Flashpoint storyline comic was originally published in 2011 by DC Comics, and it is one of best storylines in history.

Before The Flash jumped into past, he had difficult time dealing with death of his mother when he was boy at the hand of Reserve Flash.  The Flash witnessed the murder of his mother have caused to frame his own father and placed him in prison.   The Flash was being foster fathered by Joe West whom is a police detective, father of Iris West, following Barry Allen’s parents, Nora Allen’s death and Henry Allen’s incarceration.

All of us have common with Barry Allen, we had hard time letting go of our past!  He refused to let it go, he lived in bitterness about his death of his mother and his father being framed for murder.  He envisioned perfect family and he wished to grow up whole his childhood with his parents!  He was true superhero as The Flash at same time, he was man of anger.  His anger has caused him to have difficult time developing stability relationship with his loved ones and co-workers.  Also, he was struggling with sense of self-worth because of absence of his parents.  He hard time forgiving himself for letting his anger doing much harmful to those whom is dear to him.

Do you truly forgive yourself and others for what damage has been done toward you?  How can you define forgive?  In simple way of meaning: letting go, to pardon or acquit of sins.  Forgiving yourself and others in God’s eyes will enhance God to handle those problem in His way not your way.  Jesus was very clear about it as he said:

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.  But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins…” ~ Matthew 6:14-15 (NLT)

Forgiveness and Restoration is part of God’s natural character for God is full of grace and love.  Nothing can make God refuse your sin until you seek God with your whole heart.

Barry Allen aka The Flash recognized that after he saved his mother from Reserve Flash have caused much complicated in his life circumstances with his families, friends and co workers, some of them have went sour with Barry Allen.  It came to his sense that past need to be left in past and cannot be changed but only he can change about his past is to use as lesson for his life journey.

He was very determined to restore the timeline again by leaving the death of his mother in past and return to his current timeline.  Unfortunately, there are still some damage done to his current timeline which created another new reality of his timeline.  It is because he dared to travel back in time to fixed but it did have big effect on his current timeline, so therefore Barry Allen aka The Flash learned his expensive lesson and focus on making progress of restoration.

Our past can be filled with ugliness circumstances and what done damage to us have caused us to be etched for years.  Living in past than to seek forgiveness, reconciliation and restoration will cause to live in bitterness and anger can do much damage to whom are truly dear to us.

One of dear friends of mine whom I have work closely in past at Deaf Teen Ministry camp used to say:

Ongoing negative thinking will cause you to have impact on your life perspective and it can be very toxic perspective.

Remember we are not product of the past, so let close the door of past and not to open it again, or should I say “do not fish” at this lake since it is heavily polluted.

I wanted you to take look at one of scenes was taken out from Flashpoint comic storyline:

Reserve Flash is one of most deadly villains in The Flash universe, he wanted to do anything to destroy Barry Allen and all of his loved ones.  Reserve Flash wants to remind Barry Allen aka The Flash about his past life and his poor decision.  Reserve Flash reflects much like Satan.  Satan is known as the accuser and wants to remind you of your past filled with regrets.

Do not let it happen to you!  You are the product of the present and future, so let change be made and it starts with YOU! Healing is long-term journey, it is NOT like express lane or overnight change.   It takes time.  Seek God with whole of your heart and be honest with yourself.

 

My Dad & Me!

What is father to you?  Father is a figure who take central as part of your life and be filled with unconditional love where there is grace, compassion and been very understanding.

It is something I have been struggling to understand after living in pain and anger for long time after being belittled and been oppressed by someone who took over father role even I was taught with some kind of distorting moral values in my life caused me to have very confusing perspective about life itself.  My true father was absence from my life for many years.

It brought me much confusion, anger, fear and filled with bitterness toward God which landed me into alcoholism. Even I got to admit, I was leading double life in ministry field and I wore mask where I hid my ugly wounded soul.  I drank too much because I did not realize I was trying to nurse my own unspoken pain upon my heart due too many rejections, lack of self-worthy, low self-esteem, and lack of respect.

One afternoon, one letter arrived during Spring of 2006, that letter was addressed to me from my true father that I have not hear from him in over decade!  My mind was blew when I read the letter with beautiful card.  This letter from my father expressed his strong passion in seeking reconciliation of father & son relationship.  It is true beginning of my long journey of inner healing.

Prior to reconciliation, my dad was wonderful father to me since I was born until in 1984, it changes everything when my mom made cunning plan from my dad by telling him that she wanted to go away for break with me in New York City.  After our arrival in New York City, my mom told my dad on phone as what my mom told me:

Your dad and I are divorcing…we are staying here!

It left me in very confusing and filled with missing pieces to puzzle in my life.  However, my mom continues to send me to visit my dad every summer until I reached my adulthood it is when I finished my high school at Model Secondary School for the Deaf and are in preparation to enter Gallaudet University.  It is where at this point, I began to get very confusing and been brainwashed as I was misled about my dad which apart us for over a decade before we are reconciled in 2006.

My earliest of my cherished memories with my Dad in 1970s to late 1980s:

My Dad was holding me when I was only 8 months old in 1973.

My Dad was helping me feeding goats at Knotts Berry Farm on August 3, 1979.

My Dad and me at Knotts Berry Farm on August 3, 1979.

My Dad and I were fooling around as we were in boxing match. My Dad was hardcore fan of boxing, picture was taken in 1982.

My Dad, Auntie Lucy and Me had taken picture with Lakers player, Chuck Nevitt during summer of 1985.

I wanted to share the earliest of my cherished memories of my dad and I spending together for last time before an incident truly apart us for many years:

Our together at Disneyland was one of best and earliest memories of us being together last time before it set us apart for years before we are reunited in 2006.

Our relationship as father and son have developed and healed our old wounded slowly since our reunion in 2006. I began to understand my dad and at same time he learned to understand and where I came from.  When I fell into alcoholism, it caused my dad to grow closer to me and trying to understand in uncovering about my hidden and unspoken pain.  He was always there for me, my step mother, Pamela have been biggest support and been encouraging in everything to see my relationship with my dad become strong.

It is our reunion in 2006 when I visited my dad in Northern California, it was taken in Chester, California:

Our reunion during summer of 2006 in Chester, California.

When I lost everything in 2012, my previous marriage, career, my beautiful apartment, my beautiful Shetland Sheepdog Liberty.  My dad was very determined to be there for me and be able to spend every moment as he can to help me to ensure I get all professional help and seek God as part of my ongoing inner healing journey.   He never looked down on me, he was full of grace and love at same time he expressed his grave concern for my life.

During my stay at Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary have taught me about true love began with relationship with our Heavenly Father.  Heavenly Father is full of love where it helped me to understand my dad and it brought healing to the fullest and even I learned to forgive my dad for being absence from my life and also forgive those one who tried to father me whom belittled & oppressed me which leave me with sense of lack of self-worthy when my dad was not in my life for many years.

As years passed by since 2006, I began to see my dad as my hero and biggest influence in my life, God have answered my long unanswered prayer to get my dad back in my life.  Looking in my dad’s eyes and heart have helped me understand myself as God shaped my life for His whole glory.

It is why God is God of restoration and kept His promise upon my life.  It is true evidence of how God shaped my life!

O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive,
    so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help. ~Psalm 86:5 (NLT)

When I was engaged to my Gorgeous Sunflower Tami Jo last year, and my dad promised me that he will come down to our wedding among with my step mother, Pamela.  It came true, God did something above what I expected! I learned to forgive my mom for what she did to me and she was very supportive toward my restoration of relationship with my dad since 2006.   Even what became more blessing to me.  My dad and mom have not seen each other since 1984 as I got to have both of them with me in picture which I have not one since 1984.

Here is the picture of My Dad and I at our wedding on February 14, 2016 in Fayetteville, North California:

It perfectly fits what God promised me: