Being Humble Creates True Growth In Your Life

I DESERVED IT!

Look at my qualifications and I have everything and please get me in!

Why did you reject me even I am so good and I possess talents beyond your expectation!

I did everything and you still do not get it and I am nothing good to you even I held great potential in life.

I truly guarantee that you would feel that way when you possesses talents, it is when you felt are not being recognized.  I got to admit it, I am one of them and how unfortunate it is.   It is painful feeling and never easy!  I would like to share something.

A week ago, I went to see Spider-Man: Homecoming movie at the theatre and I was so STOKED about this movie for two reasons: Spider-Man is my old time favorite since I was a boy and also it is finally connected back into Marvel Cinematic Universe after legal battle with Sony over Spider-Man movie franchise since Sony still own the right to make Spider-Man movies.

Before I can say about this movie, it will have a minor spoiler alert.   This movie took place after The Avengers Part One storyline (2012), and pre and post Captain America: Civil War storyline (2016).

One scene in this movie hits me so hard when Tony Stark aka Iron Man had sort of, “Father-Son” conversation with Peter Parker aka Spider-Man.

Tony Stark: What is somebody had died? That’s on you.  What if you had died? That’s on me.  I don’t need that guilt on my conscience.  I’m gonna need the suit back.

Peter Parker: For how long?

Tony Stark: For ever!

Peter Parker: I’ nothing without the suit!

Tony Stark: If you’re nothing without suit, then you shouldn’t have it!

(The dialogue between Tony and Peter took place after the incident with ferry boat where main villain, Vulture and his goons are on where Spider-Man thought he could handle himself but little did he realized it can kill numerous passengers on ferry boat).

Tony realized Peter had much to learn!  Tony thought Peter was unteachable and he had to do something about it!  He had to teach Peter, lesson and prove himself!

This scene blew me off because it made me think of the Christians who are in an untrained ministry position in sharing God’s Word, which turned into legalistic viewpoint even misinterpreted and misled on God’s Word where there is no training involved in understanding God’s Word.

So is you Peter Parker?  Tony knew Peter need to focus on himself as Peter Parker not as Spider-Man before he can be true Spider-Man.

One scene from Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones where there is a conversation between Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala which ETCHED me:

Anakin Skywalker: Master Obi-Wan manages not to see it. Do not get me wrong, Obi-Wan is a great mentor.  As wise as Master Yoda as powerful as Master Windu. I am truly thankful to be his apprentice.  In some ways—a lot of ways—I’m really ahead of him. I am ready for the trials… but he feels that I’m too unpredictable. He won’t let me move on.

Padme Amidala: That must be frustrating.

Anakin Skywalker: It’s worse.  He overly critical.  He never listens.  He—He doesn’t understand. It’s not fair!

Padme Amidala: All mentors have a way of seeing more of our faults than we would like. It’s the only way we grow.

Anakin Skywalker (Sighs): I know.

Padme Amidala: Anakin. Don’t try to grow up too fast.

Anakin Skywalker and Peter Parker shared similar frustration, however Peter Parker takes himself into action to prove himself to Tony Stark aka Iron Man.  It is where Anakin Skywalker did not, he let anger and bitterness took over it is where he has fallen into dark path.  The answer: Darth Vader, no further explanation needed!

Why did Anakin and Peter rushed into action and think they are capable of managing their own superpower?  The answer is simple, PRIDE!

Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall. ~ Proverbs 16:18 (NLT)

Pride is the attitude of showing is all about ME! Look at my ability and I am capable of doing it!  List going on!  “ME” attitude, lack mentorship and discipline.  Obi-Wan Kenobi and Tony Stark are considered a wise veteran, who held many year experience of handling the crisis.

How does it apply to spiritual growth in Christianity?  When it comes to Bible study, we need to be extra careful on how we interpret on what the verse is saying to us.  We often pull out the verse out of context and misinterpreted, which caused great misunderstanding.  So we need to seek help in understanding the Holy Bible better by being a listener and do the journaling to jot our thought in understanding what it will apply to our spiritual growth.  We need to sit down and listen to wise teachers, pastors, preachers, and even mature Christians who want to help us and feeds us with God’s Word.

I heard PLENTY of those like to say:

I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW HOW TO DO IT! 

Almost ten years ago, I was in training for mental health social worker, and the trainer was teaching me on how to document the important information in computer concerning daily activity of clients.  I keep telling the trainer, “I know” repeatedly.

In following next day in the morning, trainer privately emailed me with a very chilling message as he said:

If you keep saying I know that means you do not wants to learn anything!

This message truly haunted me even since!

It is no wonder Anakin had conceit attitude and he thinks he is ahead of his Jedi Master Kenobi, look at his statement again:

In some ways—a lot of ways—I’m really ahead of him. I am ready for the trials… but he feels that I’m too unpredictable. He won’t let me move on.

His attitude and behavior have turned himself into Lord Vader!  Peter Parker had similar ways as Spider-Man it is why Iron Man had to do something to teach Peter an expensive lesson in order to protect Peter from doing something will haunt Iron Man.

So we need to be careful and be willing to learn in understanding how God’s Word can apply to our spiritual growth and work on our flaws in our life before we can share with others.

“Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.” ~ Proverbs 13:3 (NLT)

It is nothing wrong to be overexcite about what we have learned and understood on what will give great benefit in our life, but we need to be careful not to rush into things where we are not trained to go there yet!

People Are Your Mirror….

I am fine!

Stop telling me!

You think you know me? You don’t know me!

You are concerned about me…oh I’m doing good!

Seems familiar to you as alcoholic addict?

It was taken from page of Marvel Comics’ Main Storyline Civil War II, which was published in 2016.

When was your last drink?

Captain America knew Iron Man very well

They fought together for many years on many occasions, especially when serving their time for the Avengers. Even they have their own personal conflicts and disagreements on their own. However, it did not stop them being a friend.

Captain America was gracious enough to confront Iron Man about his personal disagreement. He saw something oddly in Iron Man. It’s why he asked him when he had his last drink?

Often of us like to deny the reality of what is happening to us!  Little we did realize that deadly addiction is doing much damage to our mental function, physical and our spiritual growth.

Did you see Captain America as he said: Control issue, trust issue, paranoia, & manic behavior.  He suspects something is differing from being a normal Iron Man.   He is not concerned about his role as Iron Man, he is concerned about his friendship with Tony Stark.

Have someone voice their own concern about you are being a different person than you are?

Are you hiding your own pain, you don’t want someone to pry in your pain, which are too much for someone to bear it?  Feeling hopeless about your own pain?  Where do you turn to for help? You must be married to deadly addictive behavior so it can ease off your pain.

Altered reality kicks on as the pain disappears! Once the under the influence of drinking disappears, then the pains resurface!

Be aware Lord can use ANYONE to get his messages to you EVEN those whom are outsiders too.

I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.  I will advise you and watch over you. ~ Psalm 32:8 (NLT)

All of us carry with the attitude of “I am the only person in the world with too many problems and I’m beyond the repair!”

Sorry to say that there are MANY people felt this way as you felt.

Really, you cannot fool those people with your baloney talk even no matter how many drinks you had!  They can see your appearance are changing even the way you are talking and thinking.

I used to tell them, how I am good I am and I knew how to control with drinking issues, but little I did realize that my well-being is seriously deteriorating!

No matter how you felt that your situation are beyond the repair, there is ALWAYS a hope for you!  Jesus gave very encouraging and comforting words as he said:

“Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.” ~ Matthew 19:26 (NLT)

You need to admit it yourself, none of us can fix you.  No matter how much people tried to fix you, you will be always on the point of being miserable!  You know why? You will not admit it until you finally admit that you are powerless over the overwhelming problems and realized you cannot handle alone.  The only way you can do is seek God with your remorseful heart, then change will take place!

Who makes the decision?

YOU!

NOT US!

Trust me, I was there and once you make decisions in the eyes of God, then you will see changeable in your life.

Uncanny X-Men Echoes Deaf World!

Oppression is no excuse for vengeance — for murder. I wonder… does the death of innocent people — cut down on the streets as they flee — free you? I think not. ~ Professor X from page of X-Men.

Professor X has a strong vision of seeing mutants and humanity living together in peace.

Magento saw humanity as great oppression upon mutants, so therefore humanity needs serious treatment.

Believe it or not, Professor X and Magento were once close friends until their view of human-mutant relations became incompatible which was the beginning of rivalry between them.

Professor X found X-Mansion,  Xavier Institute for Higher Learning (it used to be Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters.   It was the true intention to nourish the new mutants who are feeling being “outcast” in the world.  It is where the X-Men began!

Magneto went on his own path and found the Brotherhood of Mutants, originally known as the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.

Both of them share the same passion: their great love for mutants and ensure they are in their safe environment setting.

For years, I learn to appreciate the X-Men universe. Somehow I was reading one of the major storylines told by Marvel Comics called “House of M” and in issue number five of House of M, where Wolverine became victim of an altered timeline as it was caused by Scarlet Witch, daughter of Magneto. It’ where mutants are governing the world. So, I wanted you to take look at this one below:

Did you see what Wolverine said? Let’s focus on that statement he made:

I lived in a world where mutants were minorities, and the X-Men worked to build a peaceful coexistence between the growing mutant population and regular people… who never seem to run out of reasons to be terrified of us.

Did it ring you as being a Deaf person (Note to hearing people it applies to you too, because you might have something else than being Deaf person)?

Often of us experienced being oppressed in two different ways, true intention and non-intention. Being oppressed in non-intention is due to being ignorance and lack of being educated about an individual who is living as a Deaf person. For true intention, they knew it and cannot trust a Deaf person to do anything except able to hear!
How do you feel when you are being oppressed?

Fumed up?
Wanted to seek legal action against them?
They are REALLY IGNORANCE!
They cannot understand that I cannot read lips!
List going on, I can relate to you, smile!

Should I take up the personality of Magento? He has a depth of sense of hatred for humanity for mistreating mutants.

Magneto echoes “Deaf” militants! He doesn’t want to do anything with humanity! So are you seeing majority as a threat to your community because of their oppression?!

Should I say it’s better to take up the personality of Professor X since he believe in peacemaking between mutants and humanity!  Professor X will do anything to educate those who are truly ignorant about the importance of understanding that mutant are normal as human.  Also Professor X wanted to encourage those mutants to use their power wisely in helping those people.   

So do you want to be in Professor X or Magento’s camp?

It’s your choice!

Remember your attitude matters!

I prefer to be in Professor X’s camp! Before you say anything about who I am! I’m so proud of who I am! I’m thankful God created me to be Deaf person and see Deaf culture and its language: American Sign Language as part of my identity. I used to have bitterness against those who oppressed and discriminated upon me in the past. More I learned as I get older that I realized people who don’t understand Deaf are simply lacking the education about Deaf communities. 

Let your identity be in Christ and Christ is the King of Peace.  

Carrying the attitude of militant will cause to develop the division within Deaf communities where there is no peace within.

You are forgetting about one thing if you are occupied with militant attitude, they are WATCHING you!

Of course, all of us have different goals, visions and perspective. Remember, you cannot paint someone to be someone else. God sees an individual with its own unique personality! God doesn’t see Deaf as Broken person, God sees it as normal and beautiful in His own eyes. So therefore God wanted all of hearing people to understand and learn about the uniqueness of Deaf communities. Same as for us as Deaf people learn about uniqueness what differing from us!  

So therefore God created us and we are His beautiful children whom believe in Him through Jesus our Lord. 

Don’t let oppression and discrimination destroy who you have instead educated those who need to see us as not broken people! 

Apostle Paul wrote letter to communities of Galatia:

“There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus. And now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children of Abraham. You are his heirs, and God’s promise to Abraham belongs to you.” -Galatians 3:28-29 (NLT) 

We are all one in Christ.  None of us are outcast in eyes of God.  

Power is MINE! I DESERVED IT!

Power is mine! I earned it!

I worked so hard so don’t dare to cross me!

The world owes me!

I was bullied and being victimized!

Hey all of you, I knew the feeling and I had similar pain as you even it’s unbearable!

Let me share something, Stan Lee and Steve Dikto breathed a life in Peter Parker, who became a legendary superhero that everyone love known as Spider-Man. Spider-Man came to life in an issue of Amazing Fantasy number fifteen which was published in the month of August 1962.

Stan Lee and Steve Ditko coined the motto about role as being a superhero in the life of Spider-Man:

Great power comes great responsibility. 

Peter saw something unbelievable as he gained power due to being bitten by a radioactive spider. He was challenged to use his power for good purposes or for his own personal gain. Should superheroes use their own power to protect people from unseen evil force, use it for their own reputation or use to break the law as shortcuts in answer to their unfair treatment in their life?

Are you familiar with story of Joseph The Dreamer? The Saga of Joseph The Dreamer was told in the Book of Genesis, Chapter thirty-seven to fifty. Joseph was sold to merchants by Joseph’s own brothers! Joseph was brought to Egypt.  Joseph was very confused and been dismayed by what his brothers did to him.  Maybe he figured out that his father, Jacob does not want him anymore.
Remember when life taken an unexpected turn and there are always full of questions!

After thirteen years being in Egypt. Keep in mind during his thirteen years was not always full of joy. He was persecuted and been falsely accused even were forgotten. When he became governor of Egypt. He saw his own brothers came before him.

Didn’t you realize that he have full of authority and access to power as governor in doing anything to his brothers!

He can TORMENT and REPAID them back for what they did to him thirteen years ago!

However, during his thirteen years of staying in Egypt, he grabbed his time to develop a personal relationship with God, which shaped his heart despite he went through good and bad times there.   God’s unconditional love felt upon Joseph’s heart, which led him to have different approaching toward his brothers.

It is why Joseph made a very powerful statement as he said to his brothers:

“Come closer to me,” Joseph said to his brothers. They came closer. “I am Joseph your brother whom you sold into Egypt. But don’t feel badly, don’t blame yourselves for selling me. God was behind it. God sent me here ahead of you to save lives. There has been a famine in the land now for two years; the famine will continue for five more years—neither plowing nor harvesting. God sent me on ahead to pave the way and make sure there was a remnant in the land, to save your lives in an amazing act of deliverance. So you see, it wasn’t you who sent me here but God. He set me in place as a father to Pharaoh, put me in charge of his personal affairs, and made me ruler of all Egypt. ~ Genesis 45:4-8 (MSG)

That statement made by Joseph made me want to CRY! It is because I spent years of living in bitterness against specific people who hurts and belittled me because they saw there is no potential in my life.   Let me share about my experience about one family member who tried to tell me with very cruel messages:

“Look at yourself, LOOK at my son, he is doing very well and being successful in his life.”

Unfortunately, many years later his son was not doing very well and he is experiencing unfortunate incident in his life where he made poor decisions.   A family member knew I was doing well with my life as I made achievement in career and educational setting.   I finally saw this person last year at my sister’s wedding after eleven years of not seeing him.  He was scared to be near me, but I chose to come up to him and gave him warm hugs and let him that I still love him and expressed my apology for our soured relationship in the past.  It helped close the oldest chapters in the past and move on the new chapter.  It is a sign of forgiveness and let it go!

Let look at what Spider-Man said after he ignored to stop an unarmed burglar in page of Amazing Fantasy number fifteen:

My Fault–All my fault! If only I had stopped him when I could have! But I didn’t–and now–Uncle Ben is dead… ~

Spider-Man could have used his own power to kill the burglar for killing his Uncle Ben but he chose to use his power to arrest him and put him in custody of police officers.  So therefore the police officers can handle dealing with a burglar.

So I realized harder I could have used my power to hurt those people for hurting me, but it is not what Jesus would do, he said:

“Father, forgive them; they don’t know what they’re doing.” ~ Luke 23:34 (a) (MSG)

The quote “great power comes great responsibility” was mentioned in Luke 12:48:

“Great gifts mean great responsibilities; greater gifts, greater responsibilities!” ~ Luke 12:48 (b) (MSG)

So therefore, we are responsible for how we handle with accessible of power usage. If you decided to use your own power in doing harmful to people, then you are making yourself worst than before.  I have been there and trust me please, I said many poisonous words to those when I was full of anger and bitterness.

I regret a lot of things I did in the past, some of them will not forgive me even I asked for forgiven, but I realized I was in the eyes of God and I letting God take care of them because I was so eager to seek forgiven despite they declined my expression of apology.

Think about what Jesus would react to those who hurts you.

 

Be Yourself!

One afternoon at the campus of Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary in beautiful small town, South Hamilton, I was sitting in front of my professor, Steve Kang.  During sitting in Professor Kang’s office, my mind was pondering over many things after he made stunning statement:

“During your stay around here, I wanted you to know God just wanted you to be YOU!”

This statement above made me feels like brick just hit my nose so hard and caused to bleed badly!  It is because I told Professor Kang with an assumption as I said, “I believed God called me to be pastor or teacher…”  Professor Kang cut me off and said this statement above.

For years, I lived in people’s expectation and let them defines my identity based on how I exercised God’s given gift which mislead me into many assumption path.   People keep telling me:

Look at Michael, he got gift to be into pastoral ministry!

Michael, you got gift of being evangelist!

Wow, I wish Michael is our pastor of our church!

List going on!

Before I can goes further about finding true self in yourself.   I would like to share one scenario from page of Infinity Crusade # 6 which was written by Jim Starlin and drew by Ron Lim.  It is one of milestone and classic storyline in history of Marvel Comics.   One of most deadly villain known as Thanos which was known as The Mad Titan (You can easily spot his appearance in post-credit of film Avengers & Avengers: Age of Ultron and Guardian of the Galaxy).

Thanos was willing to offer assistance to one of his enemies, Adam Warlock, and they accomplished mission in destroying cosmic egg to prevent big blow to earth.  I wanted you to look at their conversation:

Obviously, you can see how Adam was telling something to Thanos in about being hero.  Thanos retorted back in attempt to defense his own identity as who he is.  He is not interested in letting Adam make perspective about Thanos.  Thanos wanted to be Thanos that all at same time he have his own missions to seek else than just superheroes’ vision!  So bottom line of all, be yourself!  Are you curious at full page of their conversation so here it is:

 

I had to deconstruct (unlearn) my programmed way of thinking on how those people tell me!  It is where my true life in presence of God began on November 29, 2012!   This date will forever be remembered as turning point in my life.  I re-discover my walk with God with all new meaningful perspective.

Since childhood, I was movie buff and comic guru/geek and always had great love about it because I sense there are much analogy in them.   I let someone take away my identity and my passion and re shape me with something which I did not find anything enjoyable.

In my walk with God, I returned to my old root of my passion of being movie buff and comic guru/geek and I learned to use those as analogy and how it reflects our walk with God and importance of finding true meaning of life in presence of God.

It is where I finally learn to enjoy my freedom in presence of God, it is true beginning of discovering true identity in Christ.  If people do not like what I am doing as movie buff and comic guru/geek then so therefore it is not my problem, it is their problem!

To be yourself, you need to be truly free from those toxic people where they will not let you be yourself.  In order to be truly be yourself is already verified beautifully by Jesus as he engaged in conversation with one expert on religious law:

Jesus said, “What is written in the law? What do you read there?”

The man answered, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.”Also, “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.”

Jesus said to him, “Your answer is right. Do this and you will live.” ~Luke 10:27-28 (NCV)

Loving God as first thing to do will bring the true love of self-acceptance because getting in an intimacy relationship will bring you to the point where God wanted you to be YOU!

Vengeance has consumed you…

“Vengeance has consumed you. It’s consuming them. I am done letting it consume me.”

T’Challa aka Black Panther (one of main characters from Captain America: Civil War) made stunning quote toward Helmut Zemo!

Do you lost faith in humanity because of senseless and meaningless evil behavioral performed on earth where you see too much negativity and toxic on media? Is it too much for you to witness?

Where does we turn to? God is our hope in senseless and meaningless situations where you see there is no justice being done. Do you feel you want to take law in your own hands and do those things to them who have hurt you badly? Are you letting bitterness take over your soul because you sense something is being done toward you in very unfair way!

It is what Helmut Zemo did; he is the man with full of anger! Let me provide you with brief background of Helmut Zemo. Helmut Zemo was first introduced in page of Captain America #168 in 1973 but did not officially become Helmut Zero until #275.   He is considered one of most cunning and deadly villains in Marvel Comic Universe. He is great known for partnering with evil empire such as Master of Evil, Hydra, and Secret Empire and even he has collaborated with Red Skull.

Helmut Zemo chose to take law in his own hands after what did to his homeland, Sokovia that was told in Avengers: Age of Ultron. His secret agenda was true intention to destroy the Avengers in Captain America: Civil War.  After Helmut Zemo revealed the secret videotape footage which shown Bucky Barnes (his mind was controlled by Hydra), which killed Tony Stark aka Iron Man’s parents in front of Iron Man’s eyes. Captain America KNEW what was hidden in video footage!

That is why Captain America was very determined to take stand and made every attempt to reason with Iron Man as he was defending his childhood friend, Bucky Barnes.  Captain America made statement which what Jesus would does to us:

“He Said ‘Bucky’ And Suddenly I Was That 16-Year-Old Boy From Brooklyn Again.”

What point of this quote above, Captain America emphasized Hydra brainwashed Bucky Barnes and Bucky lost control of his freedom in his life.  It is acting of grace even Captain America knew what is in footage, he wanted to defend Iron Man from hurting himself and do harmful things in future.

Captain America never give up on his close friend, Bucky Barnes, it is because he loved him as it is like his real brother.  Captain America cherished his memories with Bucky when they are young together in Brooklyn!

Black Panther learned what Helmut Zemo did to them, he stopped him from committing suicide after bloody battle between Captain America & Bucky Barnes and Iron Man.  Black Panther realized vengeance is bring out nothing but destruction for it own soul.

Refusal of forgiven will plant the root of bitterness in you in what it consumed Helmut Zemo.   It is why Jesus made very clear about importance of forgiving others as he talked about parable on unforgiving debtor:

“Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars.  He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.

“But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.

“But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars.^[d] He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.

“His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.

 “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.

 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters^[e] from your heart.”

~Matthew 18:23-35 (NCV)

In my own sense and interpretation, Captain America had to take Bucky Barnes away from Iron Man after bloody battle in order to protect Bucky Barnes and even protected Iron Man too.  Captain America wrote heartened letter to Iron Man because he loved him as friend and will be there for him in aftermath event of Civil War.

What Captain America did was out of love as what Jesus did to us!  Jesus walked on earth to bring grace and love to those who feel there is no hope in them when their past are full of ugly.

Captain America believed in grace, love and compassion as what Jesus did.  Captain America have heart of Jesus!

No wonder Captain America’s famous quote:

“I’m with you till the end of the line”

 

I am no longer Captain Morgan! I am Captain for Jesus!

On December 3, 2012, at 6 pm, I took the final shot of rum and sat down on a recliner and my head was filled with racing thoughtful which gave myself with plenty of dilemmas.  Little I did realize I have to go to class next day at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary (GCTS).

My previous marriage uttered into collapse!
Where will I go?
I am Deaf ministry leader, shame on me!
I am seminary student at GCTS and what can I do?
How can I do everything without support from loved one?
I am useless!
I am just void to anyone!

Those thoughts have been racing on my mind since my loved one left me on 11/29/12 which I saw it as beginning of the end!  My memories re-flooded made me think of “Fall From Grace” storyline featured in Daredevil #319-325 which was published in 1993.  It is the point where Matt Murdock as Daredevil went under major change it brought into a new identity and new direction since he is devout Catholic.

I sat on the recliner and said to myself I am completely failure!  I am completely ashamed of myself because I secretly led double life due to my deadly battle with alcoholism for 11 years.   I knew I cannot hold secret battle any longer.

One night, I was sitting motionlessly and been wonder what to do with my life without my loved one even to make matter worst, I cannot afford to continue making monthly apartment rent payment.  It is because the living expenses in Boston area is very expensive.   Somehow something snapped me out from being motionless!  A person’s name entered my mind:

Lita Schluter

Lita Schluter is a dean of student life at GCTS, she have been “mother spiritual” to many GCTS students.  I contacted her for a place to stay and told her what is happening with me.  She took my case to GCTS administration and it was approved that I am able to live on the campus.

It is the beginning of new chapter in my life, where I began to unfold many false beliefs because I have been living with the false identity.  Living on the campus of GCTS was blessings at the same time it was indeed nightmare due to being only Deaf student on the campus.

I began to look at myself and I grieved for many days!

On many nights, I would sneak into a chapel to spend hours filled with prayer and weeping even my weeping have been becoming very loud where many students can hear!

I began to look at mirror…..I looked at myself and realized how ugly I am! I am not speaking of my physical form, I am speaking of my soul! Immersion into booze has blackened my soul!  I was living in secret and I was busy in an attempt to be good Deaf ministry leader and get drunk in order to attacks those people who hurts me even attempt to make myself being a cool person.  It is because it shows how deep within me, I was a very hurtful person who suffered from being oppressed, manipulated, controlled, verbally abused and even been bullied!

My life was completely unfair! For years, I tried to voice out my own life perspective, opinions and my passions (movies, comics, & photography) but was often been neglected and been belittled.  I let my hurtful and withering soul as a displacement anger upon people.

I was completely lost and never truly feel being loved!  I personally knew I was loved by my beloved dad and mom.  I never understood the true love until I began my re-dedication to the Lord and my close walk with Jesus on December 3, 2012, and relocation to GCTS campus.  Things were never same again afterward!

On the summer of 2013, I was cruising through beach around Gloucester in North Shore of Massachusetts, one afternoon I was reading a book called “Altar Ego: Becoming Who God Says You Are” By Craig Groeschel on my kindle.  Holy Spirit sent soft encouraging and comforting words as said:
“You are no longer Mike, you are Michael!”

Michael is my new identity and it is actually my legal name was on my birth certification.  It is a sign of reborn in a presence of Christ.  God and I just made a special unspoken covenant that I will no longer use “Mike” because it represents old life.  “Michael” represents my reborn in Christ.  It reminds me of one verse:

“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The Old life is gone; a new life has begun!” ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)

Let me give you a bit commentary about this verse above:

“The Holy Spirit gives them new life, and they are not the same anymore. We are not reformed, rehabilitated, or reeducated- we are re-created (new creations), living in vital union with Christ.” ~Note from NLT New Testament Life Application Study Bible

I learn to rebuild my new life in Christ reflected based on Colossains 2:6-7:

“…now just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord you must continue to follow him.  Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him.  Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.” (NLT)

So therefore I am no longer naming myself as Mike because I am new person in Christ, so I am Michael not Mike!

My identity have been robbed and I was official victim of identity theft beginning around Spring 2001 until December 3, 2012.

Captain Morgan: You are Captain Morgan and I inherit you my identity and feels the power of rum inside you.  It will defines who you are!
Michael: You are simply delusional and rum brought me nothing but destruction!
Captain Morgan: My power of rum will give you everything you needs to become!
Michael: You are a just false god, you are nothing and my true life is in Christ!
Captain Morgan:….

Every day, I learned to focus one time a day by investing myself in the Kingdom of God through Jesus!  Nothing is better than just finding a restful soul in the presence of Jesus!